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another Restraining Order filed

Coco72's picture

This truly is exhausting.....brief back story on the latest drama, HCBM moved 60 miles away over the summer no longer allowing for the shared 50/50 custody agreement to work. She didn't inform DH until 2 days before school began, although we had already found out from SS11. DH tried to communicate with BM earlier in the summer but she literally just ignored all texts. When she did finally inform him and they began negotiating an agreement BM wanted DH to do all the sacrificing, less time, more money, drive further, etc. DH stood his ground. Of course BM didn't like that. Day 1 the conversation ended with no agreement being met, DH was very angry, but kept his cool with her. Day 2 he put together a very well worded text once again outlying what he was willing to agree to, that night they came to an interim agreement, for 6 months. Things seemed good..........

Friday DH was served with a Relief from Abuse order that she had filed against DH, protecting her and SS, which included her being given custody of SS!!!! The judge denied the emergency order, but scheduled a hearing for 2 weeks later. DH was livid, he questioned BM about it and she admitted that she did it because DH wouldn't agree to what she wanted, and the next day went and withdrew the complaint!!

This is the second time in about a year she has done this, the first time was when DH and I first moved in together. Does anyone know if DH has any recourse for her filing these emergency orders and then dropping them days later?


justmakingthebest's picture

I wonder if he can sure for harrassment? Maybe the judge will flip custody since this is a PAS tactic on her part. 

Harry's picture

About how she is going to do 50/50 being so far away ?   She is going to pick up her child and drive to school and back every day, every other week ? 

lieutenant_dad's picture

It's time to stop dealing with BM directly, and time to let an attorney do all the talking. Get a new order, make all communication go through Our Family Wizard, and put a leash so short around BM that if she so much as sneezes wrong your DH files contempt charges.

BM does it because she gets away with it. Your DH is being too nice. She has shown that she really is spineless - the RO was a scare tactic, and as soon as DH barely puffed up his chest, she cracked. Hit her with a metaphorical ballistic missile and make her rue the day she played stupid games.

Coco72's picture

We have consulted an attorney, per the court order before a motion can be filed they (BM & DH) must first "try to negotiate custody themselves" if that doesn't work they "must attend atleast 2 mediation session" and then they an file a motion. As soon as DH doesn't cave to her every whim she files either a false police report, 4 of them so far, or a restraining order, 2 of them.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Let her keep filing false reports. The police will eventually tire of her. Until then, everything should be done in writing, and your DH needs to start taking the steps towards mediation. 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

If she moved he should have gone then and there to the court and filed an emergency order allowing him to keep the child. Every day he does nothing is a strike against him.  He can use this in court to support his case but if she’s already enrolled the child in school which makes it harder for him to get primary custody. With 60 miles between them one of them will end up primary. Any “agreement” they make it’s worth the time wasted since it’s not recognized in court and she can go back on it at any moment and as you’ve seen she will.

Coco72's picture

He tried, he could not file a motion until they first attempted to work it out themselves, and secondly they attended at least 2 mediation sessions, this is per the court order, so when he filed they kicked it back because he had not done the first steps. She would not communicate with him about the move, at all, and because she was still dropping SS off and picking him up for their scheduled time she had not violated any order. 

thinkthrice's picture

how these lazy judges and magistrates think 2 warring people including a vindictive BM can "work things out."  (TM)


CLove's picture

That there was a way, legaly to block these artificial restraining orders and charges. it boggles the mind how these people get away with this crapola. They learn how to use the system (probably being coached by someone else, if they arent smart enough to do it themselves...).

ToxicTroll loves accusing people of stuff they dont actually do. She filed a restraining order against her exbf tweedle dum, who was still coming around her sleazy apartment and giving her money. The RO stopped that! He is trying to be friendly with us, and told me the other day, the RO is simply a way for ToxicTroll to manipulate him (duh! He was her puppet for the entire relationship - even the kids spoke of it).

Restraining orders are a manipulation tool. Your DH is being too nice, he needs to take his gloves off and really get some legal guidance.

I hate that your DH is being put through all this. I guess there is no stopping her, now that she has a taste of power. Unless you can get her in contempt.

simifan's picture

I would get a second opinion from another attorney. Your attorney seems very slow to react. This might have already cost your DH custody. But the time this makes it to court BM will have status quo.