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CLove's picture

Well, things have been super crazy at work, intense and stressful.

Munchkin had asked that I "help keep her on track" ie: nag her to do her assignments semester #2. I said ok. Dh had been sent a text from Toxic Troll BM "tell cLove Thanks for helping SD14 with her school'. Dh was appreciative of my time spent.

Now, here we are a month and a week into semester #2. Half A's, and Half C's. Because missing assignments.

I texted Munchkin today (just now in fact) that I love and care for her, but Im tired of being the bad guy. That she knows what her assignments are and just needs to do the work (orchestra is 4 assignments behind - each had been due each friday so thats 4 weeks)

I told her that she has created a situation that is unsustainable: I get frustrated when she doesnt do the work, nag, she goes radio silent, I go to her father, then he gets frustrated, she finally does the assignment and it starts all over again. 

So, I just told her "hey Im here if you need me, but will not be nagging you to do the work"

No more over functioning for the parents. If shes behind, its on her and she has a responsibility to take care of it. Period.

Did I mention work is stressfull?

Comments

futurobrillante99's picture

Good for you. Now the HARD part - sticking to your words and not rescuing her when she's in panic mode. ((hugs))

CLove's picture

it is really hard when you are used to a certain dynamic. Even if its not healthy, its COMFORTABLE. I thought I was "fighting the good fight". Meanwhile her mother gets to be BFF. Im not interested in BFF, just not wanting to be in the middle anymore.

Biggrin

JRI's picture

You helped her a lot last semester with good results that were appreciated by all.  You've shown her how to do it.   If you did the same this time, the same level of help, it would be more like enabling.  You've left the door open for questions and reiterated your care and concern.

One of the most painful aspects of parenting is watching them flounder when you've shown them the way.  I know you arent the parent but you know what I mean.  All you can do now is hope for the best then turn to your work or your weekend plans.

 

CLove's picture

is not my next netflix binge, I assure you. I have many other things on my plate. I did get her book for english. But Im not going to nag her to read it.

For goshes sake.

advice.only2's picture

It's really hard when you care more than the actual parent's do. You have done the best you can and she is 14/15 she needs to start learning the harsh realities of choices made and how that can affect her future.

CLove's picture

LOl. Im getting too deep in this, I know it.

It seems that DH is "underfunctioning for munchkin"

I am "overfunctioning for munchkin"

& Toxic Troll is "overfunctioning for FF" and "Underfunctioning for Munchkin". So she is one busy mo-fo! She deserves a raise.

Seriously its really really hard, but Im super busy now at work and shes old enough to take more responsibility and start "functioning" for herself. Plus Im trying to put more focus on myself, and lose weight and excercise. No more time for this ch!t.

I hope and wish the best for her. She actually texted me back that she wants me to "tell her about her assignments" ie nag. Sorry kiddo, that bus has moved on. And that she "has a plan" to move up in getting her work done and then work on getting math grade up.

So, progress, my friend, progress. Im waving from a distance.

JRI's picture

The very best thing my.loving mom ever did for me was stand back and watch when I married my ex, had 2 kids starting at age 19 and struggled to learn how to keep house.  It must have been so painful to see me fumbling.  But those years taught me much, much more than my later college education.  As a mom, I know how tough it has been, myself, to watch my kids make avoidable mistakes.  But its the only way people mature.  Sigh.

caninelover's picture

Agree with the other posters - you have done more than your share already.  Munchkin needs to learn to self-motivate and manage her own time.  No one will be standing over her reminding her of what to do as she gets older.

ESMOD's picture

I absolutely feel your frustration here!  This is almost exactly the same situation I was in with my YSD when she decided she wanted to finish up her "last couple of HS classes" online so that she could graduate early and go to work.

We made her "do the work".. plan it all out.. she had to take a summer school course in person.. then there were supposedly 2 classes to finish up on line.  She got permission from her principal to do this.. permission from the grandparents to live with them (to get her out of mom's house) and because they are retired and home.. they could monitor her.

Well... she set up our house next to her grandparent's (it was a 2nd house to us at the time).. to do the work.  We got her internet set up and everythign.  Turns out.. she needed 4 classes.. so we paid for those too. and she just drug her feet.  She procrastinated.. did snapchat etc.. all day.  I called and nagged.  daily.. (her dad was working offshore).  Her grandparents refused to help monitor her school work because while they had no issue with her living there.. my MIL wanted her to attend school in person. (probably would have been better... but it was only supposed to be two classes). Ironic coming from MIL who dropped out of HS to get married...lol.

Anyway.. I really got sick of following up.. logging in to see zero progress.. it took her months longer than it should have.  I finally got to the point where I flat out told her I was going to let her deal with it.  She wanted this.. she better get her courses done.  I  had a master's degree.. if she wanted this.. she was going to have to make it happen.  

CLove's picture

Trouble is, when her feet are to the fire, so to speak, THEN she will get on it. Stressing me out! Her father is tired of hearing me complain, so then he goes in there...she gets "upset" and then her mother TT gets in there. Which is what happened lastnight. Plus her rabbit has the runs. So another excuse to not do work "happens".

IM just so over it!!!!

So, Sd  - did she finish?