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Tax season woes. Toxic Troll wants our refund.

CLove's picture

Please steptalk some sense into me, or at least let me know if Im out of line.

I do our taxes every year as a couple and have done each of our taxes separately as well, in previous years.

THIS tax year 2019, Toxic Troll did not work. And we think collected disability. But its unconfirmed. She also does side gigs.

THIS tax year 2019, she "gave" Dh SD13 to claim on our taxes. She was "given" SD13 per family court, but is not filing taxes this year.

I filed and claimed SD13, happily. It lowered our tax bill such that we got 1,000 back. We would have owed, had we not had Munchkin to claim.

In MY mind I support SD13 on our 50%, and I also have done a lot of extra on top of support.

PLUS, DH pays monthly child support that goes to the"other side"

In MY mind, we owe Toxic Troll NOTHING. She asked "did we file taxes yet?" And now I heard Tuesday night that she wants her portion of child tax credit. dH explained it such that she knows aprox what we are getting back. And promised some work on her car instead of the cash, as an equivalent.

Thats my federal tax money she is reaching her greasy grubby t-rex fingers towards. This really triggered me - and its been ongoing, this absolute hatred tof Toxic Troll. This anger at her constantly crossing our personal boundaries, always wanting more and more. It might be that I am still emotional about all the stuff that happened last month. When MIL passed away, Toxic Troll sat herself down like she belonged and posted on social media about it "shes my mom!" And had to be asked by SIL to not attend the vigil anymore and please do not attend the personal private family events such as burial and memorial.

Just this whole 5 plus years I think is wearing on me.

So, for next year I am taking out enough from check so we do not owe. Next year I dont even want to claim kiddo, even if we get money back. Just because of HER. I dont want HER to benefit one iota.

I feel like Im cutting off my own nose here. Please talk some sense into me. Unfortunately DH feels the same. He wants nothing to do with claiming kiddo just so there is no connection to TT. I know. Makes no sense! Why not just be buddies, and all share in the benefits??? I cannot bring myself to do this.


tog redux's picture

That's a good example of why you never ever make any changes to an order, even if it seems to benefit you.

Did she sign a form allowing you guys to claim her this year? If so, then tell her to pound sand. If she didn't, better make her happy, because it looks like you didn't follow the CO and she'd win in court.  But make her calculate what she would have gotten if she claimed her, because it wouldn't be the same if her income is lower, right?

DH just never bothered claiming SS, it wasn't worth the battle.

CLove's picture

I hadnt learned of this particular form until after filing (end of January), and by then it was too late..

So, now yep, we have to make her "happy" because it was an agreement via text. If she isnt happy she can file paperwork etc...

She apparently has no )taxable) income. Not even the threshhold of 3,000. With disability you still have to make over a certain amount.

But agree. Its almost worth that 500, Which is why I am pounding my head against the wall...

strugglingSM's picture

We've learned the hard way that any "deal" from BM is really just a trap. I still have to remind DH that it's better to just stick to the plan no matter what, because any deviation is viewed as a "favor" by BM, who will then demand things in return. 

That said, how does she even know you got a refund...why would your DH reveal that information. Maybe he should go back and say that he miscalculated and you actually owe taxes. 

tog redux's picture

Good thought - and how'd she know it was 1K?

My DH learned that nothing good comes for free from BM.  Any offer of something that benefited DH was just a way to mess with him, or gain something herself.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Clove, do you and your H make close to the same amount of income?

If your H want to play games and give free $$ to TT while ignoring your contribution, I think I'd take half the refund and tell him to give BM half of his half. Take care of you, and leave TT to him.

It's obvious your H is a "path of least resistence" guy. You need to take a different tact and stop being so nice.

tog redux's picture

Great idea. And if he's the reason TT even knows about the refund, then next year, use the married filing separately option.

CLove's picture

We make the same amount, within 1000.

Yes, I told him "hey you can give her half of your half", so he got frustrated and told me he would give me the whole thing. He doesnt see my point. He is definitely MR dont rock the boat, dont make her mad...her meaning TT, not me.

I even told him, hey you want to file separately? And then I worked the numbers...they werent as favorable. IRS doesnt like married separate. They like joint.

tog redux's picture

Well worth not dealing with this nonsense, though. He totally sees your point. He just doesn't want to have to do anything other than what he does now, ie, kiss TT's ass to "keep the peace", "for the kids", or whatever excuse he uses for letting her manipulate him.

futurobrillante99's picture

"Well, DH, it's good to know that you value making your current wife happy over your ex wife."

SteppedOut's picture

Before ANY money gets put in her grubby hand, she should be made to sign the form (back dated) so she can't go back later and file. 

If she did work and received non-employee wages, she can still file based on those wages without recieving a 1099MISC form (you are supposed to, but nobody does...). Then she could get the child tax credit AND the earned income credit. 

Make her sign the form!!! 

tog redux's picture

Oh right - good thinking, holy crap. She could go to court and say they filed without having the right to - and win the tax refund twice!

SteppedOut's picture

Yup! People do this even if they DON'T receive non-employee wages so they can get the big "refund". 

CLove's picture

Only her side gig cleaning - under the table only. Earned income credit, you have to make a certain amount still and she did not.

But - back dated. Ill do that.

advice.only2's picture

Your anger should also encompass your DH, after all he told her how much you are getting back and then promised to fix her car.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Ugh girl we went through the saaaaaame thing this tax season with BM who has not worked in 10 years!!!!!!!!! And never allowed DH to claim SD10. He pays child support , insurance, we have her more then EOW because POS BM wants to have full custody but not actually have her daughter! It's a mess and I had to tell DH just let it go woth her she will get her karma! It's not worth the stress unless he is actually gonna do something about it! Plus we have 2 kids together, he can claim both who cares... I had to take myself completely out of the BS with BM because it was causing me so much stress but yea I feel you 

hereiam's picture

He needs to get her to sign form 8332, then tell her to get lost. All of this crap that he does for her needs to stop, I don't care what his flimsy excuse is for doing it.

tog redux's picture

Yes, I think so too - have her sign it then tell her to bug off.  Turnabout is fair play.  He doesn't owe her anything, she agreed to let him claim her.  Why is he so passive with her?

CLove's picture

Yes, this is the first year that we have done this "deal". We are not claiming kiddo any other years.

Cutting this OFF.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I think some of us have fallen for men who have been trained by previous partners and are still accustomed to doing what their exes tell them to do. It doesn't help that we're high on love, sweet and eager to please in the early days. So a pattern forms where we defer to arrangements made by the Holy First Family, and our men never learn to fully switch their allegiance to the new wife.

Clove, you need to retrain your man. You do that by loving fiercely when they honor your partnership, and putting them in check when they don't. Your H was completely of line to make any sort of financial arrangement without consulting you first. The fact that he did so with BM only makes it worse. So make him feel the pain. Take that refund, and let him know there's a new dominatrix holding the whip.

CLove's picture

I can really see that!

LOL. Yes, he is passive to her it seems in a way That is so frustrating, its taken me 5 plus years to get him to say "no not now and not ever for YOU".

Im going to enjoy every darn dime of it.

Livingoutloud's picture

Tax refund is based on your incomes, not BM's. She can't ask for your refund.

The fact that DH tells her how much he is getting back and he feels obligated to fix  her car and he doesn't think half of the refund is yours, not BM's, is insane.

He isn't the worst DH on this site but he is right there among them, a$$holes steptalk husbands 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Sorry CLove, I side with TT on this one (not on giving her part of the refund, but in principle). Whether it's fair or not, she gets to claim SD. Not DH. Certainly not you.

You played fast and loose with this, and now TT has the upper hand. If she doesn't sign the form, she could tell the IRS that you claimed a dependent you weren't supposed to AND she could sue you. You could also end up audited.

Whether or not it's worth it to pay her is dependent upon whether you think she's going to turn this into an issue with the IRS or civil courts. You could end up losing your refund entirely and end up fined, and THEN owing BM.

TurboTax asks if you have permission via CO or the form. 

tog redux's picture

I'd agree, except she gave them permission. Where they erred is in trusting her and not doing their research on how it worked for an NCP to claim the kid.  

I think they should amend their taxes and then the error is fixed. And resolve to accept that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

To me, that's not giving permission. That's just making a flippant remark. Unless she signed that form, or changed the CO, she never gave permission.

TT has shown time and again that she isn't reliable or trustworthy. Why CLove's DH thought this time would be different is beyond me.

ETA: I do like your solution to amend their 2019 taxes, though. That would show TT that she needs to work enough to claim SD in the future if she wants the extra money and take away the leverage that she currently has.

tog redux's picture

I have to give credit to somethingwicked for that suggestion!  I guess I don't know what happened here. Was it misguided trust in TT's willingness to let them do it, combined with let's do it quickly before she changes her mind? Either way, the research should have been done. Even though it was ordered in our CO that DH claim him every other year, we were told BM STILL had to fill out the form on his years. 

I don't know. Except that this DH ALWAYS gives this BM the benefit of the doubt.  CLove is going to have to be voice of reason. 

Harry's picture

BM gets no money from you.  Your taxes is none of her business.  As her taxes is not your business 

Gimlet's picture

The only way to avoid this is to not take her favors.  You know what she is, so decide if it's better to pay the 800, or have her sign the paper and agree to give her x amount.

Either you come out ahead financially and give emotionally, or vice versa, because you're not going to get both.

tog redux's picture

Yep. These are not favors, they are cons. She will never do anything out of the goodness of her black heart. 

CLove's picture

All thank you!

We have the signed form giving us the rights to claim munchkin.

She has her copies, and she understands that she will need to reclaim her claiming rights with same form in the future.

Her water pump has been fixed in lieu of any cash.

DH understands that we WANT to cut ties, not owe and not get favors from Toxic Troll. Better he AGREES. No more back and forth with favors. Cut that connection OFF. Period.

Spousal support cuts off after next month.

Love the Toxic Troll descriptors: slimey bucket of creeping  crotch crickets big fat miserable shit filled donut of a whore

hereiam's picture

She shouldn't have to reclaim her rights if she only signed the form giving him permission to claim Munchkin for 2019.

CLove's picture

Just going by the form, then. I dont think this will be an issue, as we are not going to play these back and forth games anymore.