RE-writing History - its a new class in high school
Last night, after being kind of a jerk, SD16 B/M was wonderful and we had an interesting and fun conversation. Its like a lightbulb, how her personality changes. Is that typical teen mood swing? I wouldnt know, this is my first time going through this.
Many different topics came up, with the main theme being her sister, Feral Forger SD23. Always part and parcel of that theme is how victimized her mother Toxic Troll is. ALWAYS. And now its reached a new height (or low...)
Somehow the past incidences of violence came up - the conversations always seem to flow in many directions. According to SD16 B/M, her mother "NEVER choked FF, shes NOT at all physically abusive, and I was there and I live with her all these years and know her, and my sister makes things up and knows how to make bruises with makeup".
Now I SAW the bruises on Feral Forgers temples. Toxic Troll TEXTED that she choked her and body slammed her, and not just one time. With these things in mind but not wanting to argue these points I simply shut myself down and listened. Feral Forger has explicitly stated to B/M that she wants her to be "taken away" by CPS or someone, so that SHE can be the only child. If you remember the whole Shoe Incident, CPS was called, and B/M was sent to a "therapist" that was told B/M was the only agressor, and history (ff kicked bm in the stomach and back and bm retaliated by popping her hand with a shoe) has been re-written. So now (for probably the thousandth time) Toxic Troll and B/M are conspiring how to move and leave Feral Forger behind.
Many other things were talked about. More light-hearted (like job possibilities and driving) and fun. In my level of disengagement, weekend plans made by me were not discussed, casual mentions of friends and county fairs, etc...
So thats where we are now. Other than the re-writing of history, a nice conversation. The most weve spoke to each other in weeks...
I simply have no words. I dont know what to do, if anything.
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I'd be highly suspicious
to the new found attitude by B/M. Keep your guard up. Maybe she is testing YOUR memory of the events.
IF you are committed to disengagement, you did the right thing by listening and not correcting the history presented.
I do know with DH oldest children, they conveninently forgot all their dad did for them during their younger years. I don't know if it was jealousy seeing the youngest two kids relationship with their dad, but both forgot about some pretty significant events he provided to them and participated with them in.
Toxic Troll and FF and B/M seem highly dysfunctional and like they play roulette with who will be the bad guy. I'd steer clear of their drama.
whiplash
I have gotten whiplash at how her attitude changes moment to moment. I guess the crazy didnt skip her like I had originally thought.
Yes, I am thinking "oh long weekend, fun things that cost money, Clove has paid for things many times, maybe if I grace her with my presence the money flow will happen". I always get a little suspicious. And wonder what the agenda is. 8 years of trying to figure out agendas...
My 1st thought
My 1st thought is that she WANT$ something.
imho.. it always seems like
imho.. it always seems like there is some triangulation going on there.. it's B/M and Clove vs FF.. it's B/M and BM vs FF It's FF and BM vs B/M.. etc.. etc..
Right now.. B/M is likely in a kind of love bombing phase with her mother.. and she likes being the "chosen one".. and it makes her feel good.. and it also gives her a convenient case of amnesia.
B/M also has to understand where her bread is buttered.. she aligns with her mom.. she needs her mom.. so taking that side right now is in her own best interest.
And.. Clove? well.. Clove is great when she is providing good things for her.. an ear to listen.. a country fair.. nice clothes.. etc.. BUT.. she does NOT want to have Clove ride herd on her schoolwork or chores etc. she wants to cherry pick.
my advice is to grey rock neutral.. unless she is outright asking you if she should try meth or crack? I would do my best to not weigh in.
hypotenuse-ing
Yes, definitely major league triangulations.
Narcissistic Triangulation. B/M SD16 is the "golden one" the smart one, the engaging one. SD23 Feral Forger continually steals and is mean and nasty. Clear cut "bad seed".
Toxic Troll and B/M vs "the world". Thats how she presented. "we are looking for a new place", "we are doing this and that".
Pure and simple enmeshment.
Made me a bit sick to my stomach, really.
Bratty
When I met her at 18, she only had two moods:. Surly and Surlier. So, not sure if what you describe is a 'typical' teenage mood swing, or more triangulation. Feels like triangulation.
tri-age
yes, its going to be 2 weeks with us because Feral Forger has COVID. Shes driving home the whole Feral Forger (bad) VS Backstabber/Munchkin (good).
Playing on my sympathies makes the money flow (typically) but not this time lol. Shes gotten a taste over the past year, of the flavor of my disengagements. I typically plan ALL kinds of fun things, and try to do things she likes. Not anymore kiddo! I know your games...thanks for the input.
She want something
Trying to butter you up . Something coming down in a few weeks.
I think you hit the jackpot
Jackpot Harry.
Its a long weekend, the fair is in town, kiddo has no money, and Feral Forger has COVID. So it will be 2 weeks of her. And she gets 2 weeks of me...
egads. She does know exactly how to butter me up...!
BUT I am wiser now. Im not planning anything fun for her to engage in. Its all on husband, whos big plan is to go fishing.
She knows that you like to help her and in the past you have
She knows that you like to help her and that in the past you have liked it when she confided in you. She is doing it now because she wants something, either money or a fun outing. I'm glad you are wise to her games!