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Not a very merry christmas morning

CLove's picture

Oh well. I tried. I extended myself and got through it I thought well enough. Last night (Christmas eve) was a huge party at DH's mothers house and eVERYONE was there, except one who was stuck at the airport in Southern California.

Poor sop.

Then there was the SIL who just had back surgery and was upset so she showed up, with her boyfriend. Who is known to do drugs.

But mostly everything was ok.

Then I wake up this morning to a pile of dog p**p.

Munchkin SD13, when I asked her what she would like to do today, answered with "well you told me you wanted to take me shopping for my Christmas present". And she had seen me get mone$ from my parents...although I tried to be sly.

I said "sure".

She wanted to get Nintendo Switch stuff. I am adamantly opposed to spending my money on gaming things. I was planning on going clothes shopping, etc. Maybey get ingredients for baking, because my parents got her a nice high end hand mixer, and me a marble board for working dough. But game stuff is off the table for me.

She cried. Went off to her room. So I am the evil stepmonster yet again.

I told her "ok if thats how you feel, to that extent I will compomise this time".

She is still crying, shut up in her room. Mind you I never yelled, not once. I was willing to compomise my values.

Texted DH who is currently off crabbing that I am really done with the lack of appreciation. Told him also that he should be ready to be mad at me and then kiss up to precious snowflake because she has a sadz that cLove isnt spending 50 plus dollars on game things...

I hate this.

I hate that Toxic Troll got her this nintendo switch crap.

I hate that I am going to be the bad guy YET AGAIN.

Now, I am dressed and ready to jet out of the house by myself, so she can wallow in how horrible of a stepmonster I am.

A Very unmerry Christmas.

Comments

Regina75's picture

Why are you so opposed to buying gaming items for Christmas?  I don't know any child; especially a teen who just loves getting clothes for Christmas?  You might have to compromise more - period.  If you try to be the one person who shows this girl the discipline when you're not the bio-mom, you'll be the loser all the way around.

Jcksjj's picture

Isnt the person buying the gift supposed to choose what to give?

Maybe I've been doing this wrong my whole life. 

JackieJ's picture

I would not think when you offer to take someone shopping that you would pick out what they wanted. When you take someone out shopping it leads to me believe you didn't really know what to get that person, or you wanted that person to choose their own gift. The OP didn't say she told SD she was taking her shopping for something specific, it sounds like she just took her. If the gift giver wants someone to have something specific they should take their own time to find that gift they want that person to have.

Monkeysee's picture

You are always entitled to have boundaries on what you will or will not purchase for someone, especially when they are minors. 

If gaming is an issue for Clove though I wouldn’t give money to munchkin ever, instead either buy the gift & get gift receipts or take her shopping for clothes to keep it simple. 

ndc's picture

Almost every female teenager I know (including myself as a teen) likes getting clothes for Christmas and birthday IF they either get to pick them out themselves or the gift giver chooses what they like.

Willow2010's picture

Have a few questions.  

1). Why did your mom give you money?  Was it to buy a gift for you or for SD?

2) Why is she still crying if you said you would buy if for her?

Monkeysee's picture

I’m also wondering where they could go shopping on Christmas Day (is that a thing?), and more importantly, why is her DH crabbing instead of spending time with his child and wife?  Clove, your H needs to get his priorities straight. And you need stronger boundaries with your SD.

tog redux's picture

That sentence is confusing - I read it as he was literally "crabbing" ie, catching crabs, and she was done with the lack of appreciation.

Next time, just buy a gift before Christmas, don't negotiate about one.

And remember that TT can, and will, get her whatever she wants.

Monkeysee's picture

That’s how I took it too, that he was out catching crabs instead of spending the day with his wife & child. I also wouldn’t negotiate about the gift, honestly munchkin sounds manipulative & cLove needs better boundaries there. I believe the appropriate response to receiving a gift is ‘thank you’ not tears because it’s not exactly what you wanted, and demands to know why money exchanged hands between cLove and her parents. If my skids behaved this way I’d leave all gift giving to DH from then on. 

tog redux's picture

Agreed, except to me it was a set up for Munchkin to think she was going on a shopping spree and then be told it was just clothes. Not all teen girls care about clothes. 

Monkeysee's picture

True. The whole thing was just a bit strange tbh. And I’d still like to know where they would have gone shopping on Xmas day lol

notarelative's picture

Ah, the aggravated flounce off. I caused the same with GSD12 two weeks ago. But, she founced off to the back of the bowling alley when I said her grandfather wasn't taking her to get her ears pierced (can only be done in the presence of a parent in our state). She was extra angry because I had made her and her brother put their phones in the trunk before we entered the bowling alley. Oh well. 

I'm sure she complained to her mom (SD) later about the phone.  I don't care. Ask me about it SD and I'll tell you why I said what I did.  It was only the fourth time he's seen them this year and they need to put the phones away and be polite. If somebody doesn't tell them, how will they ever learn?

Munchkin is in the same miserable attitude teen years that GSD12 is entering. I remember them well with my kids. There were some very not enjoyable times during those years with lots of founcing off. Eventually though the attitude should dissipate and the good kid she was before will (hopefully) return. 

I don't mind being the bad guy. SD and her husband don't like me anyway. They rarely let DH see the grands. We know that there will always be the grandkids birthdays and Christmas sightings. The fourth time this year was an unexpected bonus for DH, but was because they needed something. So my being mean isn't likely to change the dynamics of their relationship with DH.

Clove, hope the rest of your day is better.

 

CLove's picture

LOL. Thats priceless!

It definitely got much better...thank you!

ndc's picture

This is a common theme with Munchkin. You love her, and do nice things for her, but then you're resentful or disappointed because she's not appreciative of the many efforts you make.  If it was me, I'd stop. You can't win. Let her dad do nice things and buy her stuff. And I agree with you - the last thing an inactive, overweight teen girl needs is more video gaming stuff.

JackieJ's picture

You told SD you would take her out shopping for her Christmas present. Any kid would be expecting to pretty much get what they want for Christmas. I could understand not using your money to buy game things any other time of year, with the exception of birthdays, but Christmas, really? I'm sorry but you were unreasonable.  Furthermore, you could have avoided this by just getting her a gift card which I hope would come without any restrictions as to what SD could or could not buy.

tog redux's picture

I agree. If you don't want to get her a Switch, then don't, but buy whatever you are getting ahead of the holiday rather than make her think she can get whatever she wants and then say it's just clothes and baking stuff. 
And then get upset that she isn't appreciative   

IMO, you want this kid to meet a need in you that she can't, because she's just your step kid. 

bananaseedo's picture

Agreed, I think -again-you need to step way back, let dad handle all Christmas shopping.  I don't feel you are in the right to be offended SHE is offended about this.  YOu said we will go shopping, I agree kids will think it's to get what they want, not what you want.  You should have pre-purchase clothing or baking stuff if that's what you wanted for her.

Better yet, stop buying all together.

CLove's picture

Yes, I realized after I said it that I left everything wide open.

Gift cards from here on out...all the way!

lieutenant_dad's picture

I don't see how buying her clothes is better than video games. What use are new clothes if she already has clothes that fit? What does she gain as a person by having a new wardrobe? Video games as least can help with hand-eye coordination. Not sure what new clothes provide.

I'm not saying compromise. I'm saying think about why you wanted to take her to get something useless to her growth as a human being, since I'm assuming that your objection to video games is that they are addictive, costly, can be a brain smelt, etc. If she isn't traditionally very girly, then you pushing her into baking and clothes may feel like you don't actually care about *her* and who *she* is, just who you want her to be.

I could be wrong and she may just be acting like a petulant child. In which case, do as you see fit. 

CLove's picture

Shes been asking for a hand mixer for ever! And always telling me about cooking videos.

Her clothes, well she has maybe ONE or TWO pants that actually fit that arent legging types.

But I see what you are saying - get the kid what she wants for christmas or get a gift card...

She regressed to about 8 years old.

lieutenant_dad's picture

No, I'm not saying get the kid what she wants. I'm saying analyze why YOU want her to get these specific things and why YOU are limiting what she can get.

Is it because she has issues with self-control when it comes to games? Is it because you like clothes shopping and want to share in the "fun"? Is it because you think that is what she wants to do?

I'm not saying you HAVE to compromise, but make sure you're doing something for the right reasons. If it's her Christmas money to buy what she wants, then she should be allowed to buy the things she wants within reason. Your DH should make sure she has clothes that fit; if she wants something specific, she can buy it herself. If she'd rather have a video game over baking supplies, then she chooses the video game with her cash. If the game ia $60 and she only has $50, then she can't afford it.

I get the dislike for video games. The boys get obsessed with them, and I managed to buy them exactly zero games and game-related items this year. But they got cash, and if they want a game, that's what they can spend their cash on. They just better not ask for more money or anything else.

Livingoutloud's picture

Why is your DH not home with his family on holiday? Christmas Day you are alone with SD and he isn’t at work. 

Why and where Christmas gifts are purchased on Christmas Day? Online? Stores are closed. Or they are open by you???

Why your parents give you money to buy gifts for SD? Are those same parents that bought you and DH wedding rings and otherwise support you both? So now they give you money to buy things for SD too?

why didn’t dad get her gifts? Is if because you needed your parents money to buy her gifts? If she alwars wanted baking stuff and had no clothes, why didn’t she get any of that for Christmas??? What did her dad give her? 

Where is DH in all this? He is a “special” hands off kind of husband and father. Unbelievable 

she maybe not crying about gifts but about other things. Crazy BM and uninvolved father. Sad. 

 you are often lonely and unappreciated  in this marriage and it causes this constant drama with skid. You want skid to appreciate you all the time because your DH doesn’t. If my DH went crabbing on Christmas Day and I was stuck alone with crying teenager demanding gifts with my parents money, I’d start planning my own holidays and probably my own life all together 

2nd wives club's picture

he wanted to get Nintendo Switch stuff. I am adamantly opposed to spending my money on gaming things. I was planning on going clothes shopping, etc.

But it wasn't "your" money. It was skid's money to spend on what she wanted.

Livingoutloud's picture

It was “her” money. Not SD’s. SD saw that OPs parents gave her money (even though she tried to be discreet) and wanted her to spend it on shopping for SD. Personally I find it ridiculous.