As My World Turns
Well, I took advice given. And withdrew from everything as much as I could. Went radio silent, in fact. No one really saw me much over the weekend.
Last night Husband dropped a little bombshell on me - he has plans to redo all the floors in the house. Hes tired of looking at our old carpeting from 1960. He wants to rehab the kitchen and wants to look at another house thats for sale this weekend. He said that he plans to rent our current space to his close friend who needs to move. (I jokingly call him my other roomate) and live in something new and different. He said that our current house "has too many bad memories of the previous relationship".
I am a little gobbsmacked. We had just had a bad weekend where he said "there is no more joy here and in my life there is no joy". Pointing to his two classic cars he sits next to while watching tv on his big screen. Now after this, hes telling me we are going to expand our real estate "empire".
I wonder if he has a little bi-polorism. We have talked about the need to rehab the house and move a few towns over. We simply have no community in our current location. And we dont go out that much because its a 20-30 minute drive 1 way to do anything we like to do. This kind of sudden getupandgo is just surprising, after we were both moping around all weekend. I wonder now at the cause. It is because his friend has to move in the next few months and in our area places are either rented right away or too expensive? The market is SUPER hot right now. our mortgage is SEVERELY below market. Like by 200k.
Then, another big turnaround.
Sd15 has a "friendsgiving" today (tuesday) and actually wanted to go to her mothers to complete her dish. And came to me almost in tears because she was supposed to be dropped off, and had planned on it and then suddenly plans changed and she was staying with us an additional night.
So that opened the door for a very short but intense discussion about the issues I have had as well. We make plans, we plan things, we organise our lives around these things, and then at someone elses whim, everything changes and nothing is communicated. I told her "I totally empathise with you, because I am also impacted by changes in your schedule. I dont completely understand what you are going through because your experience is unique to YOU, but I strongly empathise".
I then decided to take it a few steps further, and added "this will all be different when you are able to drive yourself..." and like she has in the past, she finished my sentence for me "because then I can go when I plan on going and it doesnt change unless I need to change it..."
It was a surprising learning moment. She understood why I like plans and like to stick to them. Its about respect. She nodded when I said that. Respect for her plans (now that she has them...) and my plans and everyones life plans. The importance of communication is not lost either, because when I mentioned that lack, thats when the tears really threatened. Husband saw her being upset, and all he had to do was say "your mother is picking you up because Ive had a few drinks, and I dont want you to beupset, it make me upset when you act upset, so please try to understand." And she dissappeared into her room. It was THAT easy for him. The unfairness of this is not lost on me (or any of you for that matter)
In spite of the change in attitudes and atmosphere, I know that the underlying issues have not been resolved. I have communicated that I need to be informed of schedule changes for his child. That I dont feel I can trust her, the trust has been broken. That I feel he doesnt have my back when it comes to either of his children. Nothing has been addressed and resolved. Maybe SD15 will grow and become a better person eventually. I know that Ive had some growth. Steptalkers - progress reports came in. I printed and gave to Husband, and that was that. No discussion with him about it or the grades or anything. In fact - Im not going to even discuss it here! So...growth. Slow and arduous as it is...
I will keep on my current path towards creating my own joy. And plans. It seems that you steptalkers good vibes in my direction might be working, so thank you.