Munchkin Update
Munchkin SD14 Update
Its our week with kiddo, and she and I have had a few conversations. When I picked her up on Monday, she was stone cold quiet. When I had called to let her know I was going to be picking her up because her father was going to be later and its on my way (we live about 10 mins from Toxic Troll) she said in her barely audible only dogs can hear voice "I dont think Im ready yet". I just knew her mother was there listening, and she did whisper "because my MOM".
Well, her father got on the phone with her and said "be ready your coming to our house, CLove will be picking you up soon" in that parent-commanding way.
She cried on the way home with me. I told her "go ahead and cry it out, it wont upset me", so she did.
That night at the dinner table she cried as well. We just hugged her and let her do her thing.
Its been almost a week and last night she finally came out of her room and was cheerful. She took a shower. Her pimples were picked over and a little bloody, but mostly her forehead was smooth. We talked like we used to...which was nice. Mostly I just listened.
So, Munchkin update will invariably have to include a Toxic Troll and Feral Forger update, because its all linked. Im so tired of them and their toxic drama Ill just make it short:
Feral Forger SD21 - shes several miles north of us in a big city staying with "friends". She has a job and might consider taking college classes sometime in the future and as to the drivers license she is "working on that". She calls Toxic Troll BM every day to console her through her depression. TT listens because FF has had depression and was on multiple medications and was in the hospital and they have so much in common and are bonding over their mutual illnesses. FF has offered to stay with TT and work where we are and give TT her money...smh. I just told Munchkin, "love her from a distance, she stole from you not long ago and stole checks from your mother not long ago..."
Toxic Troll BM - For those that havent read the previous blog, TT went to the hospital for neck pain and they refused her treatment. Additional to that, she is trying to repossess a car she sold to someone that hasnt transfered the title to their own name, so not only did TT pay on the registration the car is in her name still, and the person is refusing to do the title transfer, so TT is very frustrated and well, when she doesnt get her way she will go into rages. She went into some type of rage and swallowed a bunch of pain pills and has fallen into a depression that is causing Munchkin to stress and worry, and miss classes.
Munchkin tells me stories of rotten food and fast food. Dirty pee-stained/poo stained floors. Cluttered apartment. Not much I can do for her there...her google classroom gives the option to not do video, which she opts out of because TT walks around without pants on. I said "well that can be tricky..."
TT is trying out new potential careers and is considering becoming a lawyer, nurse, bookkeeper, accountant. She cant stand because back problems, but she is considering getting a job. Guess the big payout she was expecting hasnt happened...
Im still trying to find shreds of empathy for Toxic Troll and her depression. Its currently under a rock somewhere. If youve read this far, thank you.
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Comments
Oh my that is lot to unpack at once
for Munchkin.
I have to agree..your DH needs to do something. Call children services. The pain meds, drug seeking, rages all lean towards an issue.
I feel for Munchkin..poor kid. That is way more than she should have to deal with and I'm sure she is worried about her pets.
Pets
I keep telling him this, and hes in a holding pattern waiting for something bigger to happen.
Shes got many many issues.
She is so worried about the rabbit and dog, when it all went down last Friday she refused to come to our house. Had a crappy weekend/week. The enmeshment is increasing because of the darn pets...which I KNEW would happen.
CPS allows reporters to
CPS allows reporters to remain anonymous. Just sayin'.
Yes they do....
you don't have to give your name.
Worse or better off?
I know know know shes better off with us. But involving CPS is a huge step. And then theres the whole "who reported and how did they know" which would implicate Munchkin. And shes already competing with FF as regards mommees attention. This would put unwanted negative attention on Munchkin possibly.
And then I know for a fact Munchkin would get extremely upset not being able to see her mother, if we filed for emergency full custody. She claims that its all "fine". But then describes why she doesnt want to sleep in her mothers room, because of the "stains" and clutter and mess. She wants to be with us, she doesnt want to exist in filth. But she also wants her pets to be ok and wants her mother to remain "calm".
I will say your DH does need
I will say your DH does need to start doing something about this, but the damage is already done. When we got custody of Spawn at 10 it was already too late, she was already too far down the rabbit hole.
I have CPS in my contacts
All I can do at this point is advise and be there.
Poor Munchkin
That is such a lot for a 14yo to handle. She must feel like she is living in a hurricane, seeing her world in upheaval, trying to care for her pets. That girl.....
Shes getting stronger
From all this. But at what price? She has always had to be the support sysetm for Toxic Troll.
Steps to take
I never really prepared for this situation. Its been such a gradual decline with sporadic spikes every other year. Munchkin satching the boyfriend hit her mother, watching her mother hit her sister, now living in a cluttered apartment with dog waste and food waste.
Do I call CPS and report "neglect"? If yes, do I call when shes with us or when shes with the mother? Do we file emergency custody papers? Do we go to court? The mother will fight tooth and nail, guilt kiddo, and clean the apartment for any subsequent visits and all will be "good" for a while.
You must disengage
It's up to DH to call CPS he's the father. I know it's hard to watch this. I know it's upsets you. But you should not do more then the parents. When the finger get pointing , it will be at you.
Your DH is failing this child. He should have her in therapy on his weeks with her. Someone on the outside who knows how to deal with this disfunction people. You have to know Munchkin loves her mother. And it's upset her about her,that her mother not being able to get out of her own way. That she is not being a parent. That she spends her time playing TT 's games.
your DH must, must , must , do something
Hard to watch
And do nothing. Im very much about taking action. But then I get tripped up, by unexpected things.
Yes, ll be the bad guy no matter what.
Just make an anonymous call
Just make an anonymous call to CPS already. Who cares about the "what if"s and "do i"s? You are failing her just like her parents are if you do not make that call. CPS will decide how to handle it.
Clove, maybe you can find a
Clove, maybe you can find a "beard" to make the complaint? A teacher, doctor, friend's parent, etc.
Munchkin actually asked me
To tell her teacher that the reason she was late with her work and class was that she was "exoeriencing hardship at home". I am considering being a bit more detailed in my descriptions to a teacher whom Ive a connection with.
Oh, Munckin. It's sad these
Oh, Munckin. It's sad these children seek out the love of a toxic parent. It must be heartbreaking to watch this poor child cry. CLove, YOU saved Munchkin from being like FF. She will always love her mom or seek her love but she will also always have you xx hugs
Thank you
Its heartbreaking to be sure. It took until friday for her to come out of her room and actually laugh and smile. And now its Monday again... Im going to gauge how things go this week.