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Munchkin in the middle

CLove's picture

So, Toxic Troll and her mini me, Feral Eldest, got into it again today.

They fight, they break up, they make up. Its very cyclical.

And just last night things seemed peachy. They went to Mc Dnoalds together, Toxic Troll had a "shaking car problem" and immediately texts DH at 10pm, while we were in bed. He ignores.

This am, he texts me that the two are getting into it BIG TIME. Name calling. And that he heard about it from munchkin. I chuckled and then asked him "oh, what effing crazy b!tch drunk whore? What names lol?"

This is what he texted me: (actual transcript sent to munchkin because I could not believe my own eyes)

Feral to Munchkin:

"You should just live with dad. moms never gonna sober up...shes f##ked up my whole life and now Im getting kicked out for telling her the truth that she has f##ked up my entire life with her substance abuse."

"shes ruined two birthdays in a row for me, munchkin, both slumber parties and dads had to clean it up because she decided to be drunk and go off with different men on her own daughters birthday. Shes the reason I dont even like celebrating at home at least. She thinks shes a Christian but shes not. She sits on the couch and abuses alcohol and weed and different drugs she finds her bf is all coked out but shed rather take him 2 hours away than take her daughter to the store 5 mins away and charge her daughter for that ride. I promise you, you dont want this. She makes me not want to be sober. She is going to turn me into her one day and its also exactly why Im glad Im gonna have a hard time having kids cause I dont want my kids born into something like this."

"idk that could just be my head. Im a depressed person because of her. Ill leave it at that."

"munchkin she even offered me her morphine to kill myself with when I said she'd drive me to suicide. She doesnt care about us she cares about money sex and drugs."

(end excerpt)

A part of me feels sad for Toxic Feral Eldest. She is exactly like her mother, and is on the same pathway, because she either chooses it because its easy, and she lacks a vision of hope for anything different, or shes on drugs herself and is caught in that downward spiral.

A part of me wants to swoop in and rescue this child. This very same child who has heaped abuse on me and her father and sister. This young adult, who shows potential to be a better person than that (or not).

The other part says "yes, munchkin live with us. Your Feral sister needs to rescue herself, because she has burned those bridges completely and uterly, and STILL makes no apologies, ever, to anyone. If she had apologised we might consider helping her, but right now, I am so against living with her vile personality and grimy dirtyness."

Plus I currently love my home, my CLEAN HOME, and my little "clove room". My peaceful home, where I dont ahve a resentful Toxic Eldest trying to pay power games with me, like she did before. If she moved back in, it would be certain upheaval, and certain ugliness. She would soon resent me (again), if I ask her for help or to clean up after herself. Lets not forget that she still hates me, and blames me for destroying her life. No, just no. DH can pay to help her move into somewhere else.

Another part of me is like "is this for real, or is this another one of Toxic Ferals lies and accusations?"

All these thoughts and feelings rushing through my confused brain.

I just texted munchkin a hug and positive vibes. That I knew there was some toxic stuff going on, but that we are here for her. (ie come stay with us for a while!)


Chmmy's picture

I hope munchkin stays with you. I know tou would like to rescue the toxic one but i get it with burnt bridges. Hugs to the Munchkin. She will struggle emotionally too but lucky to have you

CLove's picture

I think Im still a little in shock...

thinkthrice's picture

Tell her to stop shagging in it.

CLove's picture

Its a BMW. Convertable. 2 seater. lol!

DarkStar's picture

Feral drives a convertible BMW?????  Dang.......

CLove's picture

Drives a Z.

Toxic Feral has no license and ubers everywhere, hence the reference to mother cant take her daughter 5 minutes, and can drive over 2 hours for BF!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Munchkin will turn out better because she has a solid support network and evidently more of her father's personality traits.

Feral is wired like her mother. They clash because they are much alike.

You can have sympathy for Feral, but no one can save another adult from their own demons.

You've got clarity, Clove. Keep on keeping on.


CLove's picture

Ive spent the day gestating on things, and DH and I both are on the same page - stay away from the toxic sludge sisters - sort of like we dont really know what is going on. Feral didnt text dadee. Toxic Troll didnt say anything. So we are clear for now.

Biggrin I know nothing.

thinkthrice's picture

not having to pay CS as an NCP BM pays off in the form of a beamer.

CLove's picture

Toxic Troll and her ex boyfriend bought it together a while ago. She had a mercedes suv from the divorce, plus another car, and he bought a vintage bmw from us, but the HAD to get a 2 seater sports convertable bmw. So guess what? Now she calls my husband whenever there is a weird noice. He is a beemer tech. She figured (they figured) they would have cheap service and discounted parts for as long as munchkin was a minor as part of the "child support deal". That was before she filed for the child support modification. Now he fully charges with markup, very little discount. She gets nothing free.

She gave her ex BF the mercedes. He was in a shelter at the time, ran out of gas, and the car was impounded. fecking waste.

So ex ended up being a tweaker. Now this new dude who is supposedly a coke head.

Lndsy747's picture

You know if you tried to rescue TFE that it wouldn't be long before she didn't like your rules and ran back to Mommy dearest again. BTDT stay strong and continue being there for munchkin.


SM12's picture

My former SD was also in a toxic situation before she can to live with us.   BM was moving every other month.  The poor kid went to 5 different school in 2 years.  BM was living with her terrible SO’s and one ended up molesting SD. 

SD came to live with us and had little to no interaction with BM in 7 years.   SD was a handful but a good student and seemed to want better than BM.   Long story short, she ended up just like BM.   They are now thick as thieves.  My point is, you may be able to rescue munchkin from toxic troll, but sometimes the damage is already done.  Kids who grow up in chaos end up thinking that is Normal and comfortable because that is all they know.  So they seek it out.   I pray you get munchkin away from that mess.  But please get her counseling if you do.  I wish we had done more counseling for SD then we did.  Maybe she would have turned out a better person than her mother. 


CLove's picture

Definitely gone to the dark side. She knows it too. But doesnt really want to change anything. Shes comfortable and it seems normal, because she hasnt spent enough time with us to see normal.

Munchkin on the other hand, she knows and appreciates normal. Shes never really happy at her mothers. Fingers crossed!

justmakingthebest's picture

Oh wow... That breaks my heart and she isn't even one of "mine". I can see being so torn and wanting to rescue her. I really can! That is so heartbreaking. Like you said though, she hasn't apologized. She hasn't come to you asking for help. You can't help the unwilling to receive it. Maybe she hasn't hit that rock bottom yet. 

Do you think she would help her sister (munchkin) by testifying in court to her mother's choices and the path that she is on becasue of it. Helping your and your DH get full custody of Munchkin? 

CLove's picture

DH wants as much separation for munchkin from this mess as possible. So we have to just watch and wait. I do not think when the rubber meets the road, she will do ANYTHING to help her sister and endanger her room at mommy dearests house.

You are correct - she hasnt hit rock bottom yet.