Lupus Squared (mini update)
Its now SD16 SMPS week with us.
She used her little girl voice as she always does when just back from her mother Toxic Trolls visitation. My bad, I wanted to say hello, how are you...just to set the tone for the week as a positive one.
She told me labout school (unasked) "uh huh" was my response. "hmmmmm. Cool." Im not going to waste time typing out all the details. Just not interested.
"my sister has lupus and only 10 years to live because they didnt catch it in time. My mom wants me to get tested, and I do too so we can catch it in time. But dad doesnt want me to hes really against it."
Foolish foolish me, I asked her if she had any symptoms. Angry impatient snotty mcpoutersulk voice comes on. "I just want to get tested so can catch it in time".
I asked her how she felt about her sister, assuming there were complex emotions. Repeated sentence in repeated tone.
Me, figuring this would be my easy out "hugs, Im sure this is stressful, I wish you the best..." and thats the end of THAT conversation.
But of course my mind is spinning. How can a doctor say for sure with lupus "exactly 10 more years to live". I get sucked back into "is this real or is it lies". "are we going to see the lupus kid on our doorstep, because how am I going to effectively turn away a 'terminal lupus case skid with limited time on this earth'?"
The "what next" anxiety we all discuss here is heavy. Husband doesnt think she has lupus, and doesnt want to talk about it. I realized on my drive to work, thats my best strategy - just dont talk with him about it or ask questions. Keep it light and breezy, and just prepare myself for whatever comes along. Like ex Julie sais - get the financial ducks in a row for becoming independent.