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Livid

CLove's picture

Im so angry right now, that I cannot even speak. Which is why I am typing instead.

Toxic Troll decided to just drop by when we werent home from work yet, and stuff our mailbox with some fruit snacks crap for Munchkin SD13 (who btw is overweight).

I absolutely hate when she has done that. Especially after last years toxic rant from her. DJ absolutely cannot enforce boundaries with her! I have mentioned it time and again, no "just dropping by" and he refuses to address it becasuse, well you know Golden Uterus.

I absolutely do NOT want her darkening my door step, ever again. Drop offs from the street ONLY. Frick. And no - I dont want crap food in my home.

AM I being overly dramatic?  Someone please talk me down.

I dont want a ruined evening because right now I cant speak pleaseantly and SD13 will just huff off and shut herself in her room. And then the arguments with DH will start.

 

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

Calmly throw it away. You didn't see BM drop it off so you can't know for certain that she did. Everytime she leaves something when you aren't there, just throw it away. Munchkin will learn not to have BM drop stuff off if it ends up in the trash, and if BM is brazen enough to say something to you, you can remind her where to shove it (off your lawn) and she will be served with trespassing papers if she steps foot on your property again.

CLove's picture

DH already asked Munchkin SD. So if I tossed the bag she would know that I know, and get her fee fees hurt, resulting in argument with DH.

Shes a bully which is a coward, Toxic Troll wouldnt approach me directly, she like to heap toxic text abuse on DH, because, Golden uterus.

CLove's picture

equals federal offense. Ill have to some more research.

Dang it just never freaking ends, does it?

AlmostGone83's picture

If it were me I’d let her have her a little sugary snacks. Just tell her to keep them in her room/bag/etc. Far be it from me to deny BM’s right to make her kid’s life hell by turning her into an obese teen/adult. 

Now if you really want to be a card-carrying member of the wicked stepmoms club, you could go out and buy some more fatty sugar snacks to add to that collection. May I suggest Little Debbie? 

Oh there I go again. Well, I guess I’m just in a foul mood today.

CLove's picture

Shes a really nice kid, we have a pretty good relationship. She told me that she WANTED to stop with sugar. Shes 163 and only 5'. She weighs more than I do, and Im overweight by 30 lbs.

Absolutely no foods in bedrooms is our rule, so in the kitchen it stays.

My issue isnt really with the crappy food, Toxic Troll is 220 lbs and 5'3, so she likes her kid to look like her. My issue is I do not want her just dropping by when she feels like it, especially when we arent home. She is not to darken my door. She has asked to come in the house before when Munchkin was here alone which is why I dont like her being here alone, either, because.

But thanks for the input. Now Im joining you in the foul mood club.  *diablo*

 

futurobrillante99's picture

I would go talk to your postmaster and see if you can file a claim against BM for abusing your mailbox - it's a federal offense.

tog redux's picture

Like you said, it's a just symptom of DH's refusal to put boundaries on BM. He allows the texts about fishing with his friends, he rewards her efforts at getting his attention with giving it to her.

Put the food aside and have Munchkin take it back to her mother's when she goes back there.  You can't be the one to set boundaries on BM or it will get ugly as he fears, it has to be him.

ESMOD's picture

Is there any reason why  SD can't have these in moderation?  Obviously she probably doesn't have the willpower to manage her own intake.. but honestly, when we make something the "forbidden fruit".. and something that we have been conditioned to make us feel better and even seek out as a primal instinct.. we really can set kids up for failure because the don't ever learn to moderate on their own.

No.... BM shouldn't come by unannounced.  But, your DH apparently hasn't set good boundaries.. so...   And.. it's not like she came IN your home.. and you didn't have to deal with her personally.

I mean, I get it, you want to help your SD be her best person.... but having a treat every now and again will not kill her.. even if she IS overweight.. it's treats all day long and unfettered access that would be a problem.

tog redux's picture

They shouldn't have to change their eating habits in the home because BM stuffed their mailbox full of treats.  The point is that BM is trying to control what happens in their home, and that's a no go. 

ESMOD's picture

No one said OP had to eat it.. nor her DH.  I just wouldn't be all that concerned about it. 

Meh.. BM and DH don't have a problem with her eating sweets?  BM isn't trying to control.. she likely just wanted to give her kid a treat.. likely because said KID is feeling deprived. 

I would give the treats to my DH.. let him decide what to do.  It's his kid.. and his EX.

tog redux's picture

I would also let DH decide how to handle it. But you are missing the point by lecturing OP on the need to allow Munchkin some sweets. 

ESMOD's picture

My point was that she should try to gain some perspective on the issue.  Not everything has to be a mountain.  In this case, perhaps this is something she doesn't have to be "livid" over because it really, in the end, doesn't impact HER at all. 

It's not HER weight, She didn't have to interact with BM. 

I'm all for encouraging good eating habits.. but was also pointing out that making things too stringent can actually have the oposite impact with people.. and lead to gorging/binging.    Maybe that is something she should  consider.. whether the treats come from BM or from her husband's shopping.

But, if this makes her livid.. she can be livid.  But, she might be happier to not be livid... and there are reasons why that is also an option.

 

tog redux's picture

Again - she's livid about BM coming on her front porch without permission and stuffing the mailbox full of treats.  Munchkin's diet is not what she's livid about. 

CLove's picture

Im calmer though now, today. I hid them until I decided what to do, and Munchkin hasnt asked for them, and they will be tossed and forgotten about.

I will also take the advice to get some type of security recording device - I love the doorbell idea.

Biggrin

Petronella's picture

It most certainly does impact the OP when some unrelated person is skulking around her front door invited, stuffing god knows what into her mailbox. 

CLove's picture

Yeah. Being angry isnt pleasant.

My biggest issue is that she came by when we werent there, unannounced and definitely unwanted. She has shown in the past many times disresepect of us, and tried to come inside without permission when we arent there.

Monkeysee's picture

It’s his kid & his ex but it’s HER house. I’m sorry, but if BM started dropping stuff off for the boys on DH’s time, I’d be p*ssed. There’s no need for that. She gets zero say on what the kids eat when in dads house on dads time. It doesn’t matter if BM ‘thinks SD is deprived’. Unless there’s abuse happening, it is none of her concern & the only appropriate action is to back the eff off. She can give SD the snacks when SD is at her house. 

CLove's picture

No, she is definitely NOT deprived. SD has stated that she wants to ut back, she said that on her own.

Both mother and father are significantly at risk for diabetes, from their family history.

However, its NOT the sugar that I am upset about, its the "dropping by" when she feels like it. I do not do that even with my parents and I have a key to their house. I dont want her darkening my doorstep, she has been too disrespectful in the past. Even to the point of walking in my home to curse at us. And she has asked Munchkin to come inside, when we are not there.

ESMOD's picture

I'm sorry.. it seemed like a lot of the post was venting about non front porch issues.

Those are mostly what I was speaking to.. it seems her husband hasn't set this firm boundary on dropping things off.. and that's why BM continues to push this I guess.  She really needs to have him address this with BM.

Thisisnotus's picture

do what I did to keep everyone away from uncessary visits to my home.......get a ring doorbell. You can then say something to BM if she comes near your home (like get off my property you nasty b**ch) from anywhere you are with your phone and she will be recorded by the ring.

It is amazing. It has also curbed skids and MIL from coming and going as they please when we aren't home and they aren't supposed to be at our house.

 

beebeel's picture

I would set up a camera on my mailbox and nail this crazy broad the next time she stuffs it full of junk.

CLove's picture

And Ill let Munchkin SD13 know what it is.

SM12's picture

my SSs BM pilled this crap early on.   Oss

uaed to complain about not enough snacks at out house.  Of course he ate anything and everything I bought before anyone else could have any.  

One night I was out and BM dropped by with snacks she had bought and told dH he needed to start buying more.   I lost my mind.  DH didn’t see a problem with it as was thrilled to have snacks delivered.   I let him know the next time BM darkens my doorstep with food/ snacks will be the day they are shoved up his fanny and thrown out that door.   It never happened again.   

Your house, your rules.  You don’t eat junk then throw it out.  

CLove's picture

That we eat "like a 5 star restaurant" at our house and its always fast food at her mothers apartment. We always have some kind of meat product or fresh fish, steamed or sauteed veggies and rice (sometimes salad). We are fairly repetetive and consistent with that too. Sometimes its fried chicken or fried fish, but its never been junk food. If Im being lazy its rotisserie chicken from safeway.

We havent been going out much, but if we do - its pizza or chinese...thats our version of junkfood.

Want2's picture

Chill. Especially since you’re overweight yourself how can you lecture others? Set a good example. Don’t even need to care if SD follows it, just do the right thing yourself. You don’t need to worry about anything else. Personally I wouldn’t even worry about BM appearing on my property. I’m not that controlling. I think you’re making too big of a deal out of it and that’s your overall pattern. It’s your issue to deal or not deal with but if you want to stop fighting with DH over stupid stuff you should work on your need to control others.

Monkeysee's picture

Not wanting a high conflict & toxic person on your property does not make you controlling. I love how easily that word gets thrown around. 

Oh you have standards for how you’d like your life to be? Controlling. 

You’d like a boundary in place with HCBM because she’s an HCBM? Controlling.

Have any kind of an issue whatsoever with how Holy First Family conduct their business, even when it impacts you directly? Controlling.

Such BS.

somethingwicked's picture

It's a form of gaslighting..it's word cherry picking gaslighting..and flipping the issue gaslighting..

Always put a rosy light on the GUBM Crazy BIOHoBag and discredit the SM..make her look like she has a problem..The lofty  goal! LOL

Right? ..that is the plan by some of these card carrying GUBM Posse members.

tog redux's picture

Well, consider the HCBM perspective you are getting there.  SM having any opinion about HER HUSBAND'S relationship with his ex or his kids is controlling, dontcha know? None of her business.  She should just let BM come in and put whatever food her SD wants directly in the refrigerator, and keep her mouth shut.

CLove's picture

Like the Taylor Swift song.

I know its tough to convey in snippets, but I really dont lecture and dictate much. I mostly live by example, and ask her to try new recipes Ive discovered, finding out what she likes that is healthy and focusing on that. We eat pretty healthy, just my husband loves to buy ice cream, and Ive stopped buying it myself.

Meh, I dont think not wanting someone toxic with bad intentions towards me to mess with my mailbox is controlling. Most folks understand that our homes are sanctuaries. Heck more than a third of our incomes go towards paying bills and rent/mortgage so I think I have a right to not having my sactuary invaded by bad energy. Most people get that.

Its really been a progression towards this not allowing Toxic Troll on the property, messing with my mailbox. Incidentally the stupid crapola overfilled the mailbox to the point that no actual mail could fit in there, and our mail hadnt yet arrived luckly. Guess we dont need to pay THOSE bills eh?

Taking things in the context of history I think puts this in perspective.

Siemprematahari's picture

BM is on HER property and she's making a big deal out of it??? She's being controlling???

Want2~ you really need to get back on your meds. Your rationale is ridiculous. BM doesn't run shit in her home and NO she shouldn't be allowed to go on HER PROPERTY to stuff ANYTHING in her mail box.

BM can feed her child whatever she wants in HER house. She doesn't get to dictate that under any one elses roof. Go miss me with that bullsh!t....

momjeans's picture

Yep, like everyone else stated, she needs to stay the hell out of your mailbox. 

Be very firm, clear, and threatening towards TT regarding this. 

CLove's picture

Shes used to dealing with nice people who dont stoop to her depths and play dirty. She plays dirty and cheap and doesnt respect. i want her to realize there are repercussions.