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I said my piece for peace

CLove's picture

SO, husband and I had a lil talk last night, his last night before his trip. I asked if SD18 PPSDN was at her mothers already, and told him shes not staying at our house while he was gone. She was out with friends and was going to stay at our house that night. I added that he would need to take her to her mothers the next day, as thats when he would be leaving.

His jerky response: "Yes because you just want her to be in her room the whole time (this is from HER btw, and at no time have I EVER said anything about her staying in her room for my comfort...) I said "Oh HE!! no, I in FACT want her to get the HE!! out of her room and off her a$$ and start her life!!! Get out of her room and get a job!!! Get out of her room and make something of herself!!!"

WTF? He agreed, yes we both want her to get out there and make something of herself...

I THEN told him, "No in FACT I dont want to be alone with her in my house because if something happens like a conflict because I ask her to do something (like get a job) and she gets mad, she will threaten and make accusations and then youlll take her side, even when you know its BS, so thats why she needs to stay with her mother while you are gone..."

"Because thats what has happened in the past..."

He shut up. And gave me the cash for her meal. I did in fact tell him that next Padres Day, its on her.

I just want peace. It will be wonderful Biggrin


la_dulce_vida's picture

Good for you!! Glad you called him out, got his contribution for dinner AND put your foot down about her not staying there while he's gone. BRAVO!!!


CLove's picture

AND I heard him tell her to get ready as I was confirm that he didnt just say "are you staying here today" like he sometimes will do...

So, Win, Win, Win...

la_dulce_vida's picture

He must know you're on edge.

He's also got to understand that she is NOT going to be a self starter. She's going to need someone pushing her. And if he's not willing to push her, tell him you've got two feet - enough to put up each of their asses if they can't get moving. LOL


CLove's picture

Because the "kid" gloves are off now. Im not going to sugar coat things anymore. The last time I told her she needed to get a job and drivers license, she got mad and started yelling at me. Her father just sat in the garage. This was when she was 16. Last year, at 17, was when I was recorded and threatened in my own home, when I was asking about the netflix account.

There have been zero apologies, and we never worked things out, even since the few weeks before 18, over the stupid tatoo kit.

So, yes. Im on edge. And ready for a fight this time.

CajunMom's picture

You go, CLove!!!! So proud of you! I know you must feel great being strong like you are now. Speak truth, my freind. Your DH can wear blinders but in reality, he will get it. May not admit it but he will. 

So smart not to want to be alone with her. Enjoy your time!

CLove's picture

But I think it arrived last night...she wants to stay alone with ME????? PFFFFFFT. Thats a heck to the no.

Winterglow's picture

Proud of you, CLove! Keep this up. Lock your doors the whole time just in case she decides to come over anyway.  Do you have cameras? If she comes over and lets herself in,while you're gone, call the police because you have activity showing in your home where ther shouldn't be. This .ight be a good time to change the locks for entry with a code type. You can change it every time your husband goes away and change it back just before he returns. Just a thought...

Winterglow's picture

What I noticed,was that he didn't play the "big man" when alone with you and no minions to cheer him on...

CLove's picture

Just like when he had agreed the tatoo kit was a bad idea, and I had confirmed this stance a few different times and then when it came down to it, with her, he switched over...

And thank you so much Biggrin

Lillywy00's picture

Do you have cameras? If she comes over and lets herself in,while you're gone, call the police because you have activity showing in your home where ther shouldn't be.

Or tell your husband you want to install smart locks 

Easily activate/de-activate her access 

CLove's picture

And thank you!!!!!

AlmostGone834's picture

Good for you! I put up with too much cr@p for too long when Little Idiot lived with us. If I had come to this website sooner I would have never let her gain a foothold in our house.

CLove's picture

Husband has always maintained that his daughter needs to get her drivers license, and have a job and not be a "rotter" (new term I learned!) languishing along in life.

Shieldmaiden's picture

That's awesome to hear! I'm so glad you called him on his BS and now you get to enjoy your home without worrying about what BS she will pull next. Enjoy your quiet time and do something nice for yourself. 

I am dealing with my own princess salty ass right now, SD20. (SD18 is being a butthead too, but less so.) It sucks, and I am admittedly satisfied now that her cell phone got cancelled today because of her own inaction. (I posted an update.) We will see how the drama plays out. I'm sure there will be angry tears.

CLove's picture

LOL. Wish I could do that, but husband transfered his and hers a long time ago.

I just wonder how much longer shes going to be on the "B-Dole"

Im pretending that I dont know of her plans to not work and take out student loans and grants for her liveliehood.

AlmostGone834's picture

That's what Little Idiot is doing! Pell grant money has funded her lifestyle up until now (and student loans she will probably never have to pay back). She's been riding high on the hog since she turned 18. Granted she works, but it's only like 8-10 hours/week. And DH thinks she's such a hard worker. 

Rags's picture

The entertainment value of her student loan lifestyle with zero progress to a degree will be notable.  My SIL did it to the tune of close to a decade, ~$100K in loans, and no degree followed by another decade of tears about mean employers, mean loan companies, and how taken advantage of she has been by "the man". 

My FIL was similar when it came to being "victimized" by employers. He was his own worst enemy. The best at everything, smarter than everyone, then released because though he truly was the most knowledgeable and most productive employee he pissed off the other several dozen employees to the point that the employers let him go due to how disruptive he was to the overall team.

The only thing for it is to let them wallow in the consequences they create for themselves.

ESMOD's picture

Yes... you have to make it clear that you do not want the responsibility of her when you are there alone.  I'm not responsible for her when I get thrown under the bus constantly.

You also kind of did miss an opportunity to give him clarity on the issue of her residency in your home.

"her room?  oh.. that reminds me DH... she is 18 now, and since visitation as ordered is over, we need to discuss plans for that room since she lives with her mother.

CLove's picture

I thought about saying something similar or "ok so this is a good time, since shes not working and not in school for her to work on clearing out her room so she can move everything", but a peaceful household without either of them was more appealing. Plus he will need to use his truck to cart her stuff over. 

But I LOVE how you phrased that. Instead of pretending that I dont know anything, act like its a done deal. Since shes got to be living there as her residence to get grant money, and her mother "needs her to not work" since thats her primary residence/household and there is an income bracket limitation to maintain subsidised housing status...aha. I like that.

Except Husband-blocker. He thinks hes going to keep her room as is so that she can stay anytime she wants to...I told him what I wanted to do - keep it as a guest room and she can be a guest periodically.

Lillywy00's picture

"her room?  oh.. that reminds me DH... she is 18 now, and since visitation as ordered is over, we need to discuss plans for that room since she lives with her mother.


As willfully obtuse as your husband is he may need several conversations to understand that obligation to powersulk is over. 

She is a guest like any other guest and she owns nothing in the home you all pay bills in. 

The only way that is "her room" is if powersulk pays rent for that room and even then she is a tenant not an owner ...

"Bob that's OUR room that we're letting powersulk use temporarily as long as she is respectful and her privileges to this room and this house can/will be revoked at our discretion based on her behavior" ... if he dare try to challenge you his privileges will be revoked too

Lillywy00's picture

asked if SD18 PPSDN was at her mothers already, and told him shes not staying at our house while he was gone

GOOD! ex wives and breeders erroneously thinking they can use our peaceful clean quiet homes to warehouse their no-home training kids are SADLY mistaken ... the entitlement from those people is beyond belief 



Your husband is extremely obtuse (who the heck in their right mind wants to babysit some lazy trifling overgrown messy adult skid?!?) and you're a good woman for dealing with his never ending skid shenanigans...he's lucky he's not on a cot in the basement for his mouthy replies. 

Good to hear you're being assertive and letting him know you're no longer allowing them to take advantage of you or your home. 

Survivingstephell's picture

She's 18 now.  If she starts anything you call th cops on her and let them haul her off.  That's a fact they both need to understand. 18 equals adult treatment in the legal areas.  And if he expresses any doubt you would do that just give him a direct stare down and reply calmly " do you want to test that theory?"   

Harry's picture

SD finished school,  now what is she going to do all day and night long.  Sit in her room.  Or somewhere else.  Think of ways to get $ from DH ,BM lol or you. 

CLove's picture

What is she going to do...that is the Big Question that still hasnt been answered. Almost 3 weeks into it, and no discussions, nothing, just the same ole same ole, except no school to attend. Its lounge around sleeping in, eat, bathroom, sleep. Until a shower because friends are picking her up for an excursion. I did say that I would give her the month of June and then Id start asking the questions (CONFLICT).

Last night husband left for his trip. Before leaving I cooked us a nice steak dinner with corn and rice. We hung out and relaxed. I did casually mention a few things such as "Ive wanted the best for SD18 Princess Powersulk Do Nada, but she fought me on everything so I had to just break away and disengage. Remember when I told her she needed to get her permit and get a job a few years ago? And she started yelling at me and berating me?" He did not. Lol. I again mentioned the fact that she threatened to call the police on me and recorded me in my own home. I am reinforcing the fact that I have always just wanted her to be a good human with a good life and got ch1t on instead. And that she cannot be trusted by me. A few more times should help cement things.

Yesterdays's picture

That is really good that you said your piece. And so clearly so there's no gray areas. That's a good trend to move forward with Dh. The clearer the better and stating your needs because it matters and you should have a say. 

CLove's picture

Hes not that concerned. He just took off for his fishing trip south for the next few days.

I am completely at piece. I reiterated things last night. Im taking the stance of "I just want the best for her and rotting away in her room is not the best..."

Im pretending I dont rememember that "her mother is pressuring her to not get a job so they can keep the low income subsidized housing in beach town..."

Yesterdays's picture

I suppose if that's the case then more the reason for her to live there full time... The views.. The sand... 

CLove's picture

That she can mooch off who drive and have jobs...