<Insert Primal Scream> Embracing the Suck
Well, same crap, different year. The Skids have taken it upon themselves to change up the custody schedule and no one decided to include me in their discussions. SD10 and SD17 have decided they want to "try" going 5 consecutive days in each house. Previously it was 3.
I only found out because we were watching a movie, and I mentioned S10's hamster wheel should be hooked up somehow to a battery to power the house. The response was classic kid response: "well then when would I get any sleep?" I said well you are here 3 days on and 3 days off. She said "no we are going to 5 days now".
A few moments later, I got up, completed dish washing, and calmly went to bed in the middle of the movie. I love this movie, it was one of my favorites and I wanted to share it with SD10. For Black History Month - "The Secret Life of Bees". Completely ruined my evening. I did mention "hey it would have been good to be included in these discussions, instead of being on the outside..."
Before going to bed WITHOUT saying good night sleep tight see you in the morning. SO and I had a nasty argument over it.
Am I wrong to be so livid? I tossed and turned all night, full of anger and anxiety. If you have read any of my previous blogs you would know why the anxiety.
This morning, SD17 had the audacity to ask me for a ride to school "absolutely not, it always makes me late for work, I have to hit the shower". She asked me because she was too busy preening in front of the mirror to make it in time to leave with daddy who drops precious snowflake off at school that is an easy 20-minute walk on a gorgeous sunny day.
So, as the title suggests, I am EMBRACING THE SUCK. My life is not going well on all counts. As of today, my dear sweet mother has been diagnosed with lung cancer, my relationship is strained at best, the kids are rude and unappreciative, lazy, complaining, whining, and NOT MINE. I am isolated from friends in the town where I live. I do not enjoy my job at all, and make just enough money to keep me locked in at poverty level, thusly making me dependent on SO. Finally, the final suck, the transmission on my car is out, and will cost $2,000 to fix. I currently drive a borrowed car from SO.
Being the woman my mother taught me to be, I am putting on my big girl britches, sucking it up temporarily and will completely focus on self-improvement. Disengagement will be my best friend. So will the treadmill and my smoothie maker. I will be friendly and happy in front of skids, on good days, distant and absent on the bad ones. I am SO very disappointed. This has been happening consistently over the past 3 years, and I am beyond fed up. I cannot let this burden my life anymore. The only way to deal is to create options, and get on with my life.
I TRIED discussing with my SO, that we were supposed to be in AN EQUITY PARTNERSHIP WORKING TOGETHER, MAKING BIG DECISIONS TOGETHER, BUILDNG A LIFE TOGETHER (thank you Rags), but SO wouldn't know a partnership if it walked up to him, kissed him on the lips, slapped him in the face, and put a knee to his crotch.
Embrace the Suck.