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Dhs Mom critacally ill - hope I dont have to see Feral Forger and Toxic Troll

CLove's picture

Its here. Shes 97 1/2. A very long and prolific existence. Dh is the youngest of 13.

Last week she was at the hospital and now shes at home, and they are giving her MAYBE 2 days. Ive had flu bug for 2 days but Im told it doesnt matter, just come to the house. Everyone is gathering. I dont feel at all bad that I am hoping and praying I wont see Feral Forger SD20 or her mother Toxic Troll BM.

FF went no contact a few years ago, and still hasnt bothered to visit her. She took care of her on weekends, before leaving, for money, but other than that I didnt see a huge relationship. This is back when MIL could get around by herself and get to the bathroom, so she was basically hanging out to make sure she took medication and didnt get hurt. Well, I take it back, I know its "priceless" what she did for her gma, but I selfishly hope that she selfishly doesnt show for anything. Not a goodbye, not the rosary (catholic) not the funeral.

If she DOES show, what do I say? Im opting for nothing.

If she DOES show, since she doesnt drive, Ill more than likely have to see Toxic Troll, who will act concerned and try to hug everyone.

The good news is that this will sever yet another tie that Toxic Troll and Feral Forger will have to DH. You see, Dh was a wild child in his youth, and MIL credits Toxic Troll for settling him down and getting him clean. And since Toxic Troll has 2 of her grandchildren, theres that tie. THEN they were together for 15 plus years.

She is a gentle soul going through her transition gently. A very lovely lady, Im sorry that I missed getting to know her when she could get to know me. All I know of her is a few stilted conversations in broken English, her love of orchids, making her tea, and making sure she was as comfortable as possible. The past year or so, she would shuffle between her childrens homes, for the weekend so that the older brother who was/is the primary caregiver could get some rest. She would wake us up during the early hours, Dh would not get ANY sleep, and I would send him away from the house or to bed in the days so he couls rest. It was during these quiet times I would sit by her side, or answer her questions (this was difficult because she refused to wear her hearing aides), listen to her sing to herself, and watch her fold my living room blankets.

These past few years has been hard on her, at 97 plus, shes in a lot of pain, she can barely see, barely hear, and has a bit of dementia. I call her "time traveler" because she drifts between time zones - one minute shes there with you, the next shes in another country and in another time...

Comments

Aniki's picture

I'm sorry, CLove. Even though she has lived a lot of years, it's never easy to say goodbye to a loved one. Prayers for a peaceful transition. {{{HUGS}}}

P.S. Say nothing or as little as possible. 

CLove's picture

So I do not have her number, and am no contact with Toxic Troll.

Im just worried that Dh will find it in his kind heart to reach out to money grabber FF. Or that Munchkin SD13 will say something...I mean THEY(FF & TT) definitely have more right to her than I do, because they had a bigger relationship than I did in the past, but that doesnt keep me from wanting to do a "keep away" charm on her threshhold...

CLove's picture

I am actually happy to let her go - no more pain, no more suffering, no more illness, no more missing her husband who predeceased her, or her children who predeased her.

Its going to be REALLY tough on DH and Munchkin. And the rest.

tog redux's picture

So sorry, seems like it's her time and she's lived a full life, but it's still sad.

If you have to see TT and FF, just say, "hello," and move on. There will be lots of people and you can always slip away.

WarMachine13's picture

Sounds like she's ready to move on to a better place after a good long life. My condolences. Hope she passes peacefully.

Agree with the ladies. Say hello or nod your head and keep going.

bearcub25's picture

 

 

 

I'm so very sorry for your family.   My BM comes to DSO's family funerals.  Stays the whole time.  At DSOs father's funeral she told the parking attendants she was a daughter in law, they were waiting on the daughter to arrive to park her in the front.   She had to move her car in front of everyone.  During the time they have everyone come up for a final farewell, she stood in front of DSO with her hand out until he shook her hand, again in front of everyone.  

I just ignore the whore, do not speak or engage.  

theoldredhen's picture

You're a kind soul, Clove. Your comment:

~...I would send him away from the house or to bed in the days so he could rest. It was during these quiet times I would sit by her side, or answer her questions (this was difficult because she refused to wear her hearing aides), listen to her sing to herself, and watch her fold my living room blankets...~

says a lot about your relationship with your MIL, despite the brevity of the connection. I can guarantee that your words and very presence brought comfort to her, regardless of hearing aids or language barriers. Empaths are soothing people to be around.