You are here

A Dead Car Monday Morning

CLove's picture

So - happy Monday folks I made it through.

After a VERY busy weekend, of music and tribute to a local musician, we had to wake up to "Sd15 Backstabber is asking if I can pick her today. Her moms car is dead."

Arrrrg. The darn car. She likes it because its a flashy BMW convertible and her ex (DH -a mechanic that specialises in BMW's) can work on it cheaper than she can normally get. And because it in any way can hamper drop offs of skidd, she typically gets him to work on it or at least advise her. Its been on ongoing issue and Im letting it go...for now...

Her car wasnt "dead". The check engine light was on. There was oil. The gas was low and she has no money. That was the issue. She partied out her gas and $$ this weekend.

NOW I understand not having money. But I picked myself up and got that job, made that money, get myself out the door every monday-friday. She did nothing but kick me when I was down, so ergo my sympathy tank is on EMPTY.

So, since he was going to have to give her child support $$ anyways in a few days time, he just told her the car is fine, he will have  the child support check ready.

All I could say is "too bad she wasnt nicer to us all along. We would have way more sympathy, but shes been so horrible, we have zero sympathy by now. All that time shes been a jerk and didnt have to be".

She did in fact drop kiddo off this morning. And of course it then became "battle of the shower". Because with 2 bathrooms and 3 people needing them at the same time, it becomes a race. Kiddo just has no concept. Hopefully awareness outside of herself will come, but seeing her bueprint Im very skeptical.

The weekend went awesomely well, after all the driving drma. Skiddo went off with her friend, and we left without incidence. No drama just all fun.


hereiam's picture

Why would SD be asking you to pick her up?

And because it in any way can hamper drop offs of skodd, she typcally gets him to work on it or advise her.

Hampering drop off of SD is NOT why he works on her car and you know it.

hereiam's picture

He has done her A LOT of favors, car related and not car related, that had nothing to do with the dropping off of SD. That is not the issue.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I thought he quit working on the car? Is he still paying less support in exchange for working on the car? It is way past time for that to end. And this situation is an example of why he should no longer help her in any way with the car.

CLove's picture

Yeah, I was never part of THAT proposition.

And at 6:30 am, Dad will do what he can to force Toxic Trll to do her part in transport. All it took was child support check, and no no complaining...and no "dead car". See how that works? Well shes with us this week.

Kes's picture

I don't really understand why any of these BMs behave like shit to us all, and then expect favours to be done for them.  That contradicts the basic laws of human interactions. 

Livingoutloud's picture

They do so because they can. They expect favors because they get favors. If this woman can still get her ex to fix her car or check what's wrong with her car years after divorce, why would she stop? The only way she'd stop if he'd consistently stop providing favors.

On the other hand if they negotiated some weird arrangement of him paying lower CS in exchange of car repairs then it's not really a favor. It's an arrangement, albeit really weird one. 

tog redux's picture

Exactly. Why would she not ask? 9 out of 10 times, she gets what she wants because it's "for the kid", so DH gives in. She has them well-trained. 

CLove's picture

to assert that he really doesnt WANT to work on her car.

Once he made the comment of "I have to work on the damn car because BOTH kids are  depending on her being able to get around!" A While ago.

The problem is - she wants to keep her snazzy little sports car (because ego) and doesnt require the eldest to drive herself around. So HER problems become OUR problems. Basic rule of co-dependency.

He feels the weight of it, but its a yolk he has grown comfortable with. Hes grown used to being depended on.And speaking to him about this...requires a much lighter touch than I possess.


How many times and how many things does that excuse? Well, that excuse cannot be used when the child is independant.

But it truly sucks. And then we are the bad guys always, because why wouldnt we want something thats GOOD FOR THE CHILD THAT HELPS THE CHILD. How evil are we that we would stand in the way of a PARENT CARING FOR THEIR CHILD!

This is the root of where that whole argument comes from - that the parent must choose between the step/spouse and their child. 

tog redux's picture

Eh, you have to ignore that crap. If the car doesn't work, SD can take a bus. Or call A friend. Or Uber. It's not his responsibility to deal with problems at her house. Unless he stops doing it, EVER, and lets her deal with it on her own, she will keep asking. 

CLove's picture

She cant just call a friend at 6:30 in the morning. She goes to school in a different town.

The buses same thing. You have to have signed up and they only run kids to school in our town.

It is what it is. She must get to school, and if Toxic Troll is going to play games, thats how it is. Ive tried taking a stand on this one. It never works out. Once Sd15 starts driving herself around things will be different, until then, I just gripe on deaf ears.

tog redux's picture

She totally could call a friend at 6:30 am and ask for a ride. Or she doesn't go to school. There are other solutions, he just doesn't want to consider them. 

CLove's picture

We are a town over about 20 mins away from ANY OF HER FRIENDS.

There is not a single person she can call in our town that could give her a ride to school and not getting to school is not an option. Husband just has to go extra mileage if Toxic Troll cannot do transport.

CLove's picture

to all.

It was part of their original "negotiations" when they first got the divorce finalized. He would not pay child support, in exchange for him working on her car, with labor free and pay for parts only, at his discretion.

Right now she needs some major work done and cannot afford it. She can get around fine without it at least for a while.

So, its like a ticking time bomb that Im just waiting to see when it goes off.

So, I did point out that she went back on the negotiations 3 years ago, when she went back to famiyl court and filed the child support modification order. 

Over a year ago, he made noises about not wanting to work on her car, and she came back with "well Ill just file for more child support and more spousal support, because her lawyer told her she could", which was bs because a month later spousal support ended. She thinks hes really stupid and she has all the power. If she had the power shed get a lot more help. Because FOR THE CHILD.

So, it is a weird arrangement. He works on her car for a lower price, and she doesnt threaten family court. He marks up the parts a little, so he figures hes getting some of his money back.

The countdown comforts me.

Stepdrama2020's picture

That contradicts the basic laws of human interactions  100%!!!!!!

It sure does, but dang in step world this is the expected rule, UNTIL the SM and big daddio puts a stop to it. 

CLove's picture

Because, if they treat US like ch!t, they are not treating SO/DH like ch!t so it doesnt really count, right?

This is something that really struck me. It feels very disloyal for there to be no repercussions for someone trashing you. I mean, Im his WIFE. Doesnt that mean ANYTHING.

But, again, ITS FOR THE CHILD.

tog redux's picture

There would have been repercussions in my home if SS did that.  That's all on your DH. 

CLove's picture

I know I should really just not care of she trashes me, but it feels disloyal that DH isnt backing me up by telling her its inappropriate to ask him for favors. But thats how they do things - they trade favors back and forth as regards CHILD. Taking/giving extra days etc.

ANything else I get irate about. So they dont happen.