cLove and Matriculations

WELL. I took your advice (those who advised me) and decided to go back to school!

My brain goes on overdrive and gets stuck in these horrid, useless loops that dont go anywhere and when it applies to steplife just serves to make me feel worse about things, including feeling worse about myself. And frankly, I am DONE investing time and energy and money into others - especially those that crap on me and my efforts. And really, you all are correct - the only person I should be working on changing is me. The only person I should be focused on is me. The only person I should be worried about and expend energy on is me.

Backstabber Munchkin SD14 turns 15 in a few weeks. A while ago I had purchased a cool art piece that I thought she would like. I gave it to her and she liked it. If Husband wants to plan something for her, Ill show up. Im not going to contribute in any way. Shes not getting any money from me if she makes any A's. Its now ALL on Husband.

They both have been really really really nice to me since last week. B/S is back with Toxic Troll tonight, so we shall see what drama gets drummed up, if any. Ive been cool, not cold, and distant but friendly. Keeping to myself.

SOOOOO on to my new "thing". Ive wanted to take classes of some sort, with a certificate or something as an end result. Fun classes. Well whats fun for cLove you might be wondering...a great many things! And some yet undiscovered...lol. So, I looked at the community college near us, and scanned through the catelogue. Summer session starts in June and cutoff registration is next week. Then late fees for late registration, which Id like to avoid.

I looked at Law (family law...) and taking either French or Spanish. I looked at beginning anatomy and biology. Then I thought about what I REALLY wanted. History? Maybe. Health and nutrition? Sure, but...what I REALLY wanted was to take some writing classes because, I love writing and reading. I just lack the discipline needed to do these on a regular basis. Ive got blog upon blog, but does that count? I thought to myself then, why not take a series of classes in Eglish literature and creative writing? F@ck yeah! Then I naturally thought "why not get an associates that will transfer to a university, and its all online?" F@ck yeah! So about an hour ago I was on the phone with a top-rated university talking about how my bachelors in economics coursework and community college coursework will transfer to their online progam. Friends, I got CHILLS when I thought about graduating with another degree! And I didnt THINK about Backstabber Munchkin or Toxic Troll or even Husband not once today!!!! Ok, once but that was when I got home.

And we have a day camp trip involving kayaking planned this weekend!!!! Im excited for the future once again! I cant wait to get my laptop and get my software and student Id and sign up for introduction to English Composition 1A (already took it 25 plus years ago, so not too scary) all that stuff!!!!

Yeah. Im a NERD.

But a happy nerd.

PS: Therapy will happen someday, I promise. I did realize that I married my mother and father in one person, so I am also looking into online therapist...

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Go you! Creative writing is a

Go you! Creative writing is a great way to broaden your horizon. Fun to dabble in but also forces you to think outside the box.

Just one other thought I had though. Shouldn’t matter if B/S gets As. Up to her dad to reward her.

A's

The only A's I am worried about now are MINE! I did not check parent portal, and previously I had made the deal with her that I would pay her for A's, but guess what...deal is OFF!

Ive always wanted to finish writing at least ONE book, and self publish And with all my photographer friends, I have the cover art lol.

Any community college

Is going to require English 101 basic math. Just start with something simple to get into the grove. And plan for next fall

Yeah!

F@ck yeah!

Im starting with a few intro classes to see where I want to focus, because for once I am focusing on what I want for myself. Ive just focused so long on what others are doing, what others want and expect, I need to go back inside that brain of mine and figure out what it is I REALLY want.

Like the Spice Girls song "tell me what you want, what you really really want?"

Ive actually done all the basic stuff already for my first bachelors. Econ had a lot of math...sigh. And I SUCK at math.

Around here, you take a

Around here, you take a placement exam - and she might place out of those basic classes (or not).

According to the website...

There are assessments to take, aftera 2-day review.

I dont wish to test out of anything write now - and a refresher course with the needed disciplin of expectations is where Im starting.

Who knows - I may just go into something else, but its like muscles that have atrophied through lack of use - they need a good few weeks of working out to get strong again.

Talk to an advisor there,

Talk to an advisor there, they might advice what to take based on your interests. I'd refrain from taking basic classes if you already have a degree. Probably not intro to English 101 classes, you are already a good writer, have a degree and you aren't like not a native speaker or anything. I'd try to save a buck and time by going for higher level courses right away. Just a thought

Go cLove

This sounds so positive! Something to focus on that's about you! I love it. Congrats and enjoy!

Congratulations on your new

Congratulations on your new endeavor. I can tell from your blogs that you have a knack for writing. It's good that your efforts will go toward something worthwhile and not be wasted on Backstabber or any related drama.

The only drama I want now

Is on the page or on the stage.

Thanks for the compliment. Backstabber/Munchkin - when I tried teaching her what the teachers wanted for her Honor's English, would basically ignore me and argue (the one time I attempted). Maybe Ill be a tutor in English for people that would pay me, lol.

Back to school

I went back to school around the same time I went back to work full-time.. Both helped me cope with steplife. The schooling was to prepare me for a better-paying job in case our marriage didnt make it, a distinct possibility with the 3 SKs and crazy BM. It took 10 years to earn a BS, first at the community college then the transfer to university.

The whole process was quite the effort in the days before online classes. I tested out of what I could and was able to do a couple correspondence courses. I found that it earned me respect, both at work and also self respect. And, of course, it meant I had less brain space for my step situation. Good luck and congratulations!

You DID it!

Wow, work AND school? I was never that great at balancing the two, but that was when I was less mature (ahem) and focused, and the classes really werent that fun. Yes, coping with steplife. Engaging the brain, so we can focus on positive things.

Respect. I already have a bachelors and they dont seem to respect THAT at all (TT, FF, B/M, Husband) so Ill leave them to their small-minded pursuits of frustrated un-happyness and go into the world outside. Of culture, knowledge - for the sake of enjoyment.

Yes, it was a lot

I was working full-time, going to school two nights a week and presiding over / enduring a household of 5 kids and a hyper husband. As crazy as it was, it was better for me mentally than being a SAHM. It made DH step up more, too.

As far as respect, it was interesting. My company was paying for my education so I guess that made them see me differently. I was able to move up, it made me more eligible for the openIngs. Perhaps more important was my increased self respect.

In your case, I think it's a VERY positive development. I'm so glad for you!

just focus on respecting

just focus on respecting yourself. I really don't care who respects my degrees. I know I respect that I put myself through undergrad and grad schools while working full time and being a single mom. I don't care what others think of it.

Certainly your DH's ex and your SKs can't be expected to show a particular respect for your education, they aren't the type, certainly not his ex! Who cares about her. And why would she respect your education.

Just respect yourself.

No. No respect at all.

No respect for my marriage to husband.

No respect for my contributions to children, from either kiddos or Toxic Troll BM.

No respect for my accomplishments, from either husband or children.

No respect at all, regarding boundaries, or really anything...

I am working on me. First and foremost respecting myself.

Congratulations that is

Congratulations that is amazing. Good for you doing what makes you happy.

I think it will definitely help for you to be focused on something so positive and rewarding.

Good idea! I was a creative

Good idea! I was a creative writing major. Somehow I ended up in social work! But it was fun.

This is wonderful news. I'm

This is wonderful news. I'm very proud of you (not that me being proud matters but I am)

Yay you!!

It does matter!

From everyone, here. It matters to me.

Excellent to Fill Your Valuable Time

with all things NOT skid(s)!!!

EXACTLY!

"Oh, Backstabber/Munchkin, its your graduation? How nice for you! All c's!!! Well heres my new laptop, that I spent your graduation money on!!!"
"Oh is it your birthday/Christmas? Look where I spent that money I typically spend on you!!!" Merry Christmas and Happiest of Birthdays!!!"
"Bored staying at home? Oh, well Im going on a really fun adventure now...buh bye!"