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Cant lie, Im on pins and needles...

CLove's picture

Well just one pin, and not really any needles.

At this very moment that I type this, Husband and SD16 Power sulk are supposed to be in a meeting with the Principal and maybe even a teacher...bonus! Her absenses and progress report I just fowarded will be the topic of conversation. And I am HOPING and PRAYING for repercussions to be meted out. Hardships. Nail them to the wall. Husband will of course try to hide behind the divorce wall "I only have 50/50 and I can only do so much!" and SD16 PS will of course go into her little-girl high voice and make excuses and deflect as much as possible "I tried but I dont understand why the teacher didnt see me right there".

Oh yeah. Progress report has as and bs and a d and an f. Not that it concerns me at all...Im not mad. Just dont care. But I want to hear about the hopeful repercussions.

*** Edited to add ***

Meeting went well and it was "easy" and I did not ask for details...


Ispofacto's picture

I hope you get what you want, it sucks to see people d!cking around, never experiencing consquences for their actions.  Setting expectations, however, is a recipe for disappointment.  You are still not disengaged, and are entirely too invested in Buttmunch:

Her absenses and progress report I just fowarded


CLove's picture

Thank you.

Yup. And hearing her night after night chatting and blabbing on the phone, laughing with her friends, coming out to eat after 10 and leaving dishes, its just ALL frustrating.

TrueNorth77's picture

It would be not caring about what happens in my own house. I would be invested in this too. 

SS16 has also made it his thing to come down at 11pm and make a full-on meal. During the week this equates to banging around directly under our bedroom, so we put an end to that. On Friday night he asked me if he could make Hamburger Helper at 10:30pm. I said, that seems a bit intense for 10:30. Also, remember what we have said about eating earlier and not at 10:30-11? He said yeah but I worked. He got home at 9:15. Eat then! Gah, I just can't understand how people deal with kids, it's like they look for ways to be annoying. 

Let us know how the meeting goes!

Cover1W's picture

That would be a sandwich time. No cooking.

Our bedroom is near the kitchen and we can hear EVERYTHING in there. YSD used to bang stuff around in the mornings getting her lunch ready weekdays, very early A.M. I think she was just so of self-importance she was going to hurry and get stuff done and slam the microwave door, bang the drawers shut, etc. I didn't say a word because it was mostly DH she was waking - he said something to her ONCE and thought it was sufficient. At least she's no longer here during the week so this is not a problem any longer.

CLove's picture

Meeting went well and it was "easy" and I did not ask for details...

AlmostGone834's picture

Ugh. "Easy"?? Dollars to doughnuts he tries to fob it off as "no big deal/they made a mountain out of a molehill"

CLove's picture

And I will not be asking. Even when the absences start up again next semester.

Ispofacto's picture

I bet Buttmunch agreed to buckle down and do whatever they said.  Killjoy always did this, it was meaningless talk when she fully intended to continue doing whatever TF she wanted.


justmakingthebest's picture

I totally understand wanting kids (any kid) to have repercussions NOW, not as an adult. If they don't learn these things in HS, how on earth are they going to function in the real world? I want my kids and SS18 to LAUNCH! To not be a forever drain on me and DH. 

CLove's picture

Example A.

This one I had some hope for. Perhaps things will get better as she sees her friends doing better.

strugglingSM's picture

It would be nice if there were repercussions for this type of laziness. In my experience, Skids do minimal work, but always manage to get their grades "adjusted" to Bs. This year, BM moved them out of their special ed English class (because they didn't like the teacher) and their English teacher doesn't seem to give the same concessions, so both currently have an F and the teacher's comments were "currently below grade level"...while also telling us they are "definitely" going to college. I'm just waiting for the grades to be converted to "pass" after a week of "make-up work" before the smmer. BM is definitely not paying attention this year (as evidenced by the fact that one Skid owes over $100 in unpaid lunch charges) or she would have already changed their teacher, surely, as has happened in the past anytime one of them had a D or an F. BM has a new boyfriend....or maybe is now back with the old boyfriend (it's unclear), so her attentions are not focused on Skids...and she's basically cut DH out of anything to do in education, so he does not pay attention. 

CLove's picture

And over 15 absences, and zero repercussions. That is the way of things.

CajunMom's picture

When I "think" I need to be involved with DH and his kids, I take a minute to reflect on the past and all the damage it did to me by caring. Then I self talk. Not my kid, not my problem. 

Im going to repeat what Ispofacto said. You are still too involved. You should not need to forward anything to your DH in regards to his kids. Those emails should be going to him. Don't ask questions about the meeting. If your DH talks about it, give genetic responses (sorry to hear that, hope things get better). Do not offer advice or input. 

I get wanting to see Karma hit. You can still get that without being involved. But take note: most of these kids don't even get consequences at the school level either so better to fully disengage and just not give a good crap about anything with SKs. Just my humble opinion. 


CLove's picture

so how is your day so far in general?

CajunMom's picture

It takes time and lots of missteps. It is NORMAL to ask our DHs how meetings went, what's up with kids, etc. We are being forced to act ABNORMAL in StepHell. I didn't get here overnight. But what I can say is, it is wonderful now that I'm fully disengaged. Take each misstep and chalk it up to another lesson learned. I would not ask anything else about his kid and her school issues. 

CLove's picture

Its like in the final Hunger Games - Real/Not Real?

Its the upside down world in Stranger Things.

Normal/Not Normal in Stepland

Im going to read and re read everytime I want to blurt out anything.

I am goingt to set Husband up with his email (I did before but he claims no) and texted him links and credentials to parentvue.

Cover1W's picture

I get you - I had to back out of school stuff too and the SDs were very good with school. I just couldn't get involved without criticism thrown my way.

So for school stuff or meetings, I let DH take the lead. If he mentioned it and it seemed like he wanted to talk I'd ask how it went, but I woudn't be the one opening the conversation. Often, all I had to do was the general  "how'd your day go?"

And then once you set him up (AGAIN), also let him know you will not be helping a third time. And don't.

caninelover's picture

cLove - in these situations ask yourself, do you want to be right?  Do you want B/M to get her just deserves?  Will that make you happy?  

Or, do you want to be happy?

Both things are often different. 

Think about that, long and hard. 

You are expressing a need for vengeance.  Do you really want that??  Against a teenager?? 

Will that help you disengage and find your personal happy place?

Just things for you to ponder...good luck.

CLove's picture

Ultimately I want her to grow into a successful happy person, not a repeat of her failed older sister.

AND in the process I want me to be happy with her. Not supporting her lazyness.

Harry's picture

Teaches and principal get paid.  Kids move on out. With good B.   Everyone is happy.  So happy. 
look at it less kids in class, less work,  over 15 absences,   That's 15 days the teachers don't have to be bother with SD. 
Everyone is happy expect you Clove.  DH great DD has a B.  Trachea getting paid on Friday.  School getting a medal for everyone getting B or better 

AlmostGone834's picture

Then they apply for my jobs and look at me like I'm nuts when I tell them they can't be calling in every week.

CLove's picture

New persepctive!

Except that when the student misses, they miss the teaching and cannot easily do the assignments and lack the subject comprehension, and then the teacher has to work extra hard later to help them...

Yesterdays's picture

I think the idea here is let your husband and bio mom take care of any school issues with your step daughter. Period. If this means setting up your husband on email (again) then do it one last time. It should be him forwarding any progress reports and checking in with the teachers for grades and it should be him encouraging his daughter to do the schoolwork.

Any input or work or action on your part is likely going to be counter productive, and that is my honest opinion. If she fails, it could be SDs doing, or it may be the bio parents fault.

There is also the possibility that they will all work it out and be just fine. I can understand, you want to help in a parental way and I think that you have a heart of gold. I just don't think the school stuff is an area where you should participate. Once you are at the point where you leave it all to them and don't care what the outcome is, then I think you'll be in a better place.

And I agree. It shouldn't be about proving a point about SD or winning or losing. It's about letting the parents take the reigns and putting blind faith in SD that it will work out. 

CLove's picture

I understand its not me winning if she fails. And I should add, its more about my disengagement journey.

I need to further remove myself.

HOWEVER, Im just fearing things down the road that havent happened yet. I see how he caters and coddles and she just has EVERYTHING so easy street. No regular chores. No nothing that kids her age are doing like permit and jobs. SO, that being said, being lazy at school makes me a bit perturbed because I see her becoming her sister down the road and the arguments that will happen when I refuse to support her any longer.