Continue to nudge your man in the right direction, you're doing the right thing. Why can't the parents see that they are being played? Being a pushover won't get them any respect. I'm not even sure if it can be considered good parenting. Does that sound cold? I'm not here to be their friend. I have been solid in the discipline needed to raise children.

Today I got a compliment from a collegue of my husband about how I've done such a good job with the boys. She actually tried to compliment my husband and he differed the credit to me. It was nice to be credited for it.

I think the only reason this child is acting the way she is because she has poor guidance and her parents have no plans for discipling thins child. Don't blame the child, it's the biomom who doesn't teach her the importance of being prepared for school/mannerism. Father needs to teach this child too. I agree with you. I would be irritated too, did you try talking to the biomom?

You're on the right track on trying to mold this child to be a better person but it's a big load for just you to handle by yourself. It's only going to be effective if all parents are on the same page to speed up the process. You might be more stressed out, you might end up shutting your ears at times. Good luck.

I deal with the same thing with my husband. I just don't get it!! He says "When you have your own children, you will do the same thing..." How the hell do you know??? No, I want my child to be responsible and self assured, not always relying on me to bail her out!!!

"inform him that the reason why SD has no respect for him or me is because he doesn't know how to parent her in a way that teaches her to value the people around her and show respect - he thinks if he always does what she asks of him she'll know he loves her - well he doesn't always do what I ask of him but I know he loves me - I just don't get why he has this mental block, sometimes we have to discipline our kids in order to make them better and more socially acceptable people, giving in to insignificant demands doesn't teach anything and my SD is becoming more and more like his ex by the day so I don't see why he wants to condone her behaviour."
You took the words right out of my mouth!!!

When you figure out what works, PLEASE tell me. I have had it up to my eyes....

This all sounds so familiar I have to slap myself to make sure I am not hallucinating. I live with b/f and his 17 yr old daughter. She is a nightmare and he, like what you ladies mentioned above, is totally oblivious to what she is up to. I do not have kids of my own so frequently I hear "you don't have kids, so you don't understand" which sets me on fire. I have had kids in my life ALL my life and I may not be a bio parent but I am no dummy either. What I tell him is that "I may not be a parent and sometimes that puts me at a disadvantage. However, sometimes it is an ADvantage in that I can see things outside the box...the forest through the trees". He too does not discipline. He likes to THINK he does, but this girl walks all over him. His solution to her stealing my car was to buy her a car. She violates curfew, lies, gets a speeding ticket, cheats, steals, you name it, and she still is driving her own car. He threatens "what do I have to do, take the car away?" DUH>>>>>>>>> YES, that's what I'm thinking. But DO IT Dammit, stop threatening. I have heard this girl laughing on the phone with her friends that she never gets in trouble. That if "he grounds me, i just act pouty and he ungrounds me the next day". "WHen he is mad at me, he makes me clean my room, thats it" "It doesnt matter what I do to upset him, he never does anything"...Now, you tell me that this kid doesn't understand what she is doing. I realize that teens are a challange.....but this young lady is a master manipulater and it makes me crazy that he cannot and will not see it. SOmeone posted here that they don't discipline cuz then the kids will like the mom more. BINGO Someone also posted that if they discipline, the kids won't have fun. Its not always supposed to be fun. Someone else posted that if they discipline, the kids won't know they love them. HELLO...this is my life. He has almost even said these exact words to me. He hates it when she is "mad" at him so he spends the next several days "making it up to her". WHat the hell is he teaching her? That rules don't apply to her, that she can say and do whatever she wants, regardless of who it might hurt, that she is special in every way, shape, and form and above being held accountable. I see this being a HUGE issue when she evolves into adult life and enters the real world. SHe will not have a clue of how to survive. She wont be able to hold a job because she can't get along with anyone who criticizes her. She knows everything and cannot stand to be told a damn thing. EVERYONE is stupid to her. SHe knows absolutely NO boundaries and snoops through anything and everything because she thinks it's cute. SHe is so stuck on herself that she has very few friends that stick around for long. And the sad thing is, I don't see it changing. Her father, my b/f just wants her to grow up and move on. He has no idea the monster he has created and cannot see that she will probably be a problem for him all her life. She will always expect him to do everything for her and bail her ass out of any situation. He is a police officer in a huge city and when she got stopped for speeding, she tried to use that to get out of the ticket. Fortunately the officer told her tough cookies,,,she had no business driving like that at her age and he wrote her up. Her dad does everything for her. SHe has NO duties around the house, NONE. SHe does not even put her own dishes in the dishwasher. She leaves them for someone else. Get this,,,he even prepares her plate for her at meal time and she will sit on her lazy behind and wait until he does it. The refrigerator is 4 ft away from her and she wont even get herself a beverage. Even if the food is still out from dinner, she cant even muster up enough effort to put it on a plate and microwave it. Makes me sick!!! I can't figure out why he does all this...........one good thing. He is starting to see some of it since I have been able to get a few comments out here and there and has limited some of his behavior, but he still does nothing to her when she screws up. He is her best friends, not her father. He is not doing her any favors by treating her like a princess. in fact, he is teaching her to expect this treatment from the rest of the world. Ain't gonna happen.

Whew....i just vented...felt good. Thank you very much