If you have any concerns, ask the kids if they'd like to make cards and visit the grave....

I just want to say WOW! I hope my kids get a new mom like you if anything ever happens to me.

I'd ask the kids how they would like to handle the event. It may be too painful or confusing to acknowledge and you don't want to make it something maudlin. I'd want my kids to remember me with happiness, not sadness, so if a grave visit would make them sad, I'd find another way to celebrate.

Do you guys have a nice yard where you could plant a tree or a rose bush or something like that? Something that would grow and bring new life, while still memorializing her, might be a way to go. When I was young, my great-grandfather gave us cuttings from his fruit trees to start in our yard and even years and years after his death, we could still look out and see his apple, plum and cherry trees in the yard and it was always such a special way to remember him.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

Ciara, I have to agree with Anne on this one too. I only hope my kids get someone like you as well if something were to happen to me.

Ask the kids what they would like to do and then help them to do it.

When I came in the picture here I made sure that if the skids were with us they made a card for BM and gave it to her when they went home on the Sunday. The boys were not interested in doing this, but I insisted they do it out of respect for their mom. We also made them call her in the morning...we also did this for her birthday too.

Since the last year of hell, I did not enforce that they make her a card. They both seen my girls making me one and I thought maybe they would take the initiative on their own. They did not. Hubby and I decided that we would not even suggest that they call her in the morning either. If they wanted to they could, but we were no longer being a part of it. Did they call her, nope. (Just for the record, hubby has never received a card or a happy father's day from them either unless they were here for the wkend).
Corie

I am the SD of a women who met me after my BM passed, I think you really have to think about how this effects even an adults life- it is a hundred times harder to deal with as a childhood thing. There is a really good chance that yourskids aren't anywhere near the end of their grieving, it happened to me at 14, I didn't really deal with it until mid- twenties. I found alot of people in my situation do this so don't take it as against you, they may be trying to feel loyal to their moms memory or afraid that letting you in means letting her go. My stepmom was very careful to include my mom and her family at holidays and the anniversary- showing that resppect and understanding for the women i love so much brought us as close as possible during some of the worst years of our lives and even after she seperated from my dad we stayed close until her death in 2004.I don't know where or who I would've been without her and am thankful for her patience and endurance in dealing with the three of us kids.CIARA- What you are doing is wonderful and someday they'll be able to tell you how much these thing meant to them, I would feel them out to see what they would like to do, maybe just them writing a letter and doing a balloon message would be a great idea or just flowers. Best Wishes

There is no reaon where logic does not exist

Thats a perfect idea Anne, it isn't morbid and upsetting like a graveyard could be. It is at their house where they can always go to see it, it will be a lovely family thing you can all do together and the best part is, you are a part of it! It can show the children that your mothers heart will always be here and I am also here to help you grow..so sweet

And you must be a very strong woman to be so understanding and help them through their grief without spite or jealousy. Big hugs to you.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*