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Boyfriend with ex wife

christinadhrt1's picture

Hi. I have been with my bf for 5 years and on and off since year 3. I knew he was married before when we met but he told me he had been divorced for four years.  I found out two years in they never divorced. He was still married. I was beyond hurt and upset. They don't have any kids. I spoke to her once and told her I am ok with them talking here and there because I still talk to my long term ex's. The NEXT day she sent my bf a picture of her breasts in a bra. BTW she has a bf - the same guy she left him for.  She would contact him  and I saw he never replied. I would get upset why they aren't divorced and he said it was because he was working all the time (which was true) and we needed the money. My bf has repeadely told me how he hates her and so on and so forth. They had a toxic relationship. Well my BF and I split up for a month and I came by to return the keys to our place. I was suprised he was home on a work day. I knocked and he didn't answer so I left the key under the mat and text him I did so. He called me a half hour later and we talked and I moved back in. Fast forward.. Many many months later I found out that she was inside the day I dropped off the key. He admitted to hooking up and insists they didn't go all the way. At the time she wasn't with her boyfriend either. Since he has moved out and I kept the place, I am still very upset this happened. He said he will divorce her but when we were going to go to court two weeks ago he said because of Corona it's not a good time to go. She has text him in the last month asking for his instagram amd they still have communication just through text. He has said he was sorry and has given me his passcode to his phone but I am still so so so mad. We have had five years together and three miscarriages and I feel disrespected. She is now back with the boyfriend she left him for but I still feel this bs will never end. What should I do? 


JRI's picture

I empathize with you, this must feel like a difficult betrayal.  I think you know what you should do, break it off with him.  He is still involved with his ex, he lied to you and he is stringing you along.  I realize you must have deep feelings for him and how difficult this will be.  And, I'd also get on birth control asap.  Good luck.

shamds's picture

But a big part of you says he likely did.

next thing he will justify his pathetic behaviour as “i did it for the kids”...

majority of men from abusive relationships don’t hook up with their ex!! They don’t yo-yo between wanting them or not and certainly don’t make excuses to divorce!!

they can’t wait to break free!!

christinadhrt1's picture

That's the most confusing part. Also at the time of the hookuo they had been seperated for 7 years. I can't imagine finding a ex of mine attractive after 7 years. This whole thing is hurtful

ndc's picture

What should you do?  You should dump his ass, of course.  He's a liar and a cheat.  Why would you want to be with him???  And for God's sake, don't have a baby with this man.

Lifer33's picture

Of the few sensible things my husbands ever said 'if I didn't have a child with THAT woman I would never have to contact her again n happily forget she ever existed'

There is no reason not to cut all ties and divorce her, unless he doesn't want to, I'm afraid 

tog redux's picture

Why do you want to be with this man? He lied to you for 5 years about being divorced, and cheated with his ex-wife. Please respect yourself enough to leave.

ldvilen's picture

If you start your relationship off with a lie, " I found out two years in they never divorced. He was still married," then there will be nothing but lies throughout.  When you take him back lie after lie, you are showing him that he can do whatever he wants, and all he has to do is pout and/ or show his weiner, and you'll take him back in.  He has learned well.  He will not change.  Just as a leopard cannot change its spots, nor can a womanizer.  Oh, he is capable of acting like he loves and cares for another woman, but anyone who leads with their weiner, and it is obvious he does, is only in love with and looking out for himself.

You are better off alone than with a dick like this.

advice.only2's picture

Sounds like they are content having a very open marriage and anybody who comes along into their version of relationship will need to do so at their own risk. If he had been honest with you from the start you could have at least made the choice of either consenting or walking away.

Felicity0224's picture

It sounds very straightforward to me. He and his wife are still in a relationship. I can say with almost 100% certainty that what you see isn't the full extent of their communication or the time they spend together. I do feel bad for you because you've obviously invested time and love into this relationship, but the only real way to save yourself years of heartbreak is to leave him. You undoubtedly deserve a lot more from a partner. 
If you won't leave him, then please, please do not have a child with him anytime soon. It will NOT make your relationship more stable and it will NOT make him be faithful to you. 

Thumper's picture

Run fast and run far.

Best Wishes to you. You reallllly deserve much better.


Winterglow's picture

Why are you accepting another woman's crumbs, her leftovers? Where is your pride, your self-respect?