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Feeling Stuck

ChrissySmile82's picture

I'm brand new to forums and I've been with my fiancé for almost 2 1/2 years. We're both usually on the same page when it comes to ss3 and we never get nasty with eachother, only typical couple bickering here and there. It's honestly the healthiest relationship that I have ever been in. This post is going to be quite long but it explains everything from me entering this new life to present day so that you get the jist of how BM is.

I met him in May of 2016 and was introduced to ss3 right before his first birthday in June of 2016. Him and his ex were together for 2 years in total. She completely destroyed his credit by leaving him and his grandmother to pay for the house she talked them into getting and got out of the consequences of the eviction because they spelled her last name wrong, along with taking out a card in his name and racked it up to the point of getting the account closed. We got it disputed and the company deemed it was fraud since her email and name were linked to the account and not his. She also acted like she still had him wrapped around her finger and even uninvited him to ss's first birthday party which lead us to making sure DF got ss every other birthday so she couldnt do that again without consequences.

Right before they split, she claimed he cheated on her and hit her which started an argument leading to her calling the cops on him but told the cops nothing was wrong when they got there.

She then would tell everyone on facebook how her baby daddy was abusive and calling him a "sperm donor". She never once told me to my face that he hit her only that she "caught him cheating". She went to a party and got drunk leading to her getting pregnant by another man 3 months before ss turned 1. The baby didnt survive due to a birth defect that ended in him being born without his skull being fully formed. She stayed with the guy and married him in 2017. They always argued and she had left him a couple times while they were together. August of 2016 DF and BM went to mediation instead of court because "court made her nervous". They settled on DF having every other weekend and paying $70 a week in cs.

This whole time, DF did his best to be with his son. She would keep him from us on our weekends and she even scheduled ss's 2nd birthday party on his birthday, the day we are court ordered to have him. DF's grandmother decided to stay with BM because she had no where else to go and we have been living with my parents so we had no room. She would document everything that went on in the house regarding treatment towards ss along with her everyday life. Towards the end of August of 2017, we had conflicts about having ss on the weekends we're supposed to get him and would ask to switch weekends. She would agree and then turn around the day of when DF would check to see if we're still getting him and say no. DF also notified her that we would not be able to get ss that next weekend because we were going out of town to DF's dads wedding. She then turned around to say that DF refused to see his son for 3 weeks in a row. Shortly after that we found out she called the cops on her husband at the time for verbal abuse. BM then found out that DF's grandmother has been telling us everything and kicked her out. Not only did she kick her out, she banned her from talking to and seeing ss as long as he is with her. This is when the alienation started escalating.

DF decided to take her to court. He went for full custody on the account of her husband being potentionally abusive and right after she was served the papers she filed against him for taking him down to only 1 weekend a month with wednesday evening vists and an increase in cs for daycare. The day before court was halloween to which they are ordered to spend it together along with the 4th of July. From what DF told me, it went smoothly and he was relieved considering her husband and him dont tend to get along.

One day I met BM at the park to pick up ss. Her and I dont have anything against each other at all. She has told me she thinks im cool and that shes glad Im the one who ended up with DF. She even said that she wished I was with them on halloween and that it went really well. It was confirmed through DF's family that she has never said 1 bad thing about me. She has tried really hard to turn them against him during the "abuse" stage and keep a hold of once I started clearing the picture she painted of him to them. We stayed at the park for a few hours waiting for DF to get off work and that was when she took the time to tell me how she enjoyed halloween because DF was "the man she fell in love with". She then decided to tell me the reason that lead to the argument to which she called the cops on DF. She told me she never knew the password to his phone and one night he had it unlocked and saw a snap from another girl saying "I love you" to DF. I brushed it off because I have been in 3 manipulative and abusive relationships before I met DF and he is absolutely nothing she claims he is.

The day the court date was scheduled wasnt the actual hearing. It was just a day for confirmation of what everyone actually wanted and if revisions were needed they could change what they were going for. She changed hers from knocking DF down to 1 weekend a month with wednesday evening supervised visits and an increase in cs for daycare to just the increase in cs for daycare. DF changed his from going for full custody to just every weekend. This was due to their actually mature encounter on halloween.

Once the court date came, they threw out every documentation that we had on her alienating us from ss including what we had on the night she called the cops on her husband and determined we stayed on eowe but go from $70 a week to a temporary $188 a week. A few weeks after the revised documents they went in for the confirmed cs order. It jumped to $200 a week because she needed it for the daycare and that she could only cover $25 out of the total $225 a week for daycare which means that most likely nothing was going directly towards ss3.

Fast forward to this past June, we had ss the weekend before his birthday and she scheduled his 3rd birthday party that saturday we had him. We deemed it okay because she invited us along this time considering it was smack in the middle of our weekend. We all got along for the first time since halloween. BM asked us if it was okay for her to keep ss the following weekend (which was her weekend to begin with) and that next weekend so that we could take ss on her birthday weekend so that she could go to the beach, drink adult beverages and "not have to deal with him". We agreed.

After that, towards the end of June, DF's mom (who lives in FL) texted us saying shes probably going to come up for a visit and bringing DF's brother since her husband had a job in NC and said this would be the only opportunity to see us before our wedding. Considering she hasnt seen ss since he was born due to them living in another state, I thought it wouldnt have been a problem. So DF texted BM seeing if we were still getting ss for our weekend because it's the weekend DF's mom was coming up. She said no and that we were just swapping weekends. DF's mom then took it into her own hands to ask BM to let us have him for our scheduled weekend since she was coming up. They got into an argument because BM was upset that she wasn't coming to see HER. DF's mom got fed up and hung up on her in the middle of a sentence. She then felt guilty and apologized but got no reply.

After that argument, we dropped it all together. 2 days later BM asked if we still wanted ss and we said yes. She then let us have him. I have a feeling she was trying to switch weekends because our current weekend path makes it so that our weekend falls on the weekend of the wedding and she probably doesnt want us legally having him for our wedding.

DF's mom had called and left apologies but nothing was returned. She then texted texted her thanking her for allowing us to get ss and still no reply. After the trip, about a couple days after they got home she texted BM to see if she could talk to ss, that way he wasnt so confused that his Ome, PopPop, and uncle were there and then gone. BM replied saying "ask your son this weekend". She officially banned DF's mother from all contact from her grandson while BM had him as well.

After the birthday party and trip from DF's mom, BM moved from a bad area that was 30mins from us to a better location only 15mins from us which is way more helpful considering most of the time she makes us go to her to pick up ss. When they moved into the new apartment we started noticing ss stopped meantioning his other daddy. Then one day we were taking him home, we turned into her complex and he kept saying his other daddy wasnt there. It was relieving yet mostly confusing for us so we just went with it.


Now Im assuming she and her husband are going through a divorce because she changed her last name back to her maiden and unfriended her "husband" on facebook. She had her best friend move in with her and she got a puppy a few months back, probably around the end of July shortly after she moved into the apartment. Last saturday (which was her weekend) she called DF around 9ish at night explaining that the puppy, which isnt even 5months old yet, had attacked ss3. He had scratches on his chest, a bite on his arm and his thigh, along with more scratches on his left eyelid and above the left eyebrow. She had called animal control and took ss to patient first to which they prescribes an ointment for the scratches and bites.

I have documented everything since his birthday party back in June. One thing I havent meantioned yet was the fact that ss3 was born with a lactose allergy. I also have a lactose allergy myself so I dont take chances and neither does DF because he knows how it affects me. After ss turned 2, BM decided to take a chance on giving him milk. She said he was fine and the only thing it did was make his poop smell worse. Since I have been in that boat before, I knew there will be a time where his body will reject it like mine did. She said he can have milk again but we decided to keep him on the almond milk I use because I knew it was only a matter of time before it backfired on her.

He would come here saying he had a stomach ache but whenever hes here on the almond milk, hes never complained and feels better. One day we made him grilled cheese and he complained of a stomach ache after he ate it. I had him lie down for a nap and when he woke up he felt better. Thats when I knew his allergy didnt "just go away" like BM told us.

Today we picked up ss for lunch since they decided it was best for her to keep him incase we did get hit with Hurricane Florence. Seeing as we barely got anything, BM asked if we wanted to take him for a bit considering she has plans for him next weekend which will make it 3 weekends in a row that we dont see him, again. When we got to the restaurant ss3 complained of a stomach ache and DF said it might just be hunger pains and asked him if he wanted to try to eat and he said yes. We got our appetizer, and he ate a little piece of a mozzarella stick (those along with ice cream dont seem to affect him or me) and right after he swallowed it, he said he was dont and immediately acted like he was choking (it was cut up real small because DF choked on one when he was little and refuse to let ss eat it whole until he is older) so DF held out his hand and he threw it up along with his breakfast. After he made sure he got it all out and changed his clothes, he called BM to tell her. I told him to ask if he had milk and she said "he had 2 chocolate donuts and 2 sips of milk for breakfast. He hasnt had a problem since he was 2, I know whats best for him. Just take him to my moms house". So we had to cut our only time with him short (Im not mad because he got sick, Im annoyed that she didnt see if we wanted to keep him for a bit longer before taking him to her moms house) and take him to her mothers house who bailed 10mins into his 3rd birthday party to go to a concert.

My heart hurts for this little boy. I know exactly what he is going through but I cant do anything because "she knows best". Any advice about any of this would be helpful in anyway. We're just stuck because we know taking her back to court without anything more than just 1 dog attack that she quickly got rid of, will just raise cs more. We're stuck with my parents until we get our credit up to be able to look into housing and if it keeps getting raised we'll have an even harder time of finding a place of our own.

Im sorry about the length of the post but considering everything we have been through in the past 2 years is hard to condense. Thank you in advance!


Maxwell09's picture

Well....this is just a whole lot of drama. I don't blame BM for kicking out grandma or blocking your Fiance's mom after the mom was bombarding her with texts. As for the rest...I will just say your life could be a lot less complicated if y'all would just stick to the custody order. There is way too much switching weekends and trading favors and it's exhausting to keep up with and that's just me reading along, can you imagine how it feels to be a three year old who has to live it? 

ChrissySmile82's picture

It really is. We've tried to keep it on track especially after court and it's been working until her and her husband split. It's obvious how much it affects my ss and it's to the point where he says he wants to go back to mommy's house when hes with us. I think a part of her motion to switch and keep him like she started doing again is because she doesnt have her husband anymore so theres no reason for her to get her alone time because she doesnt want to be alone.

Thats just my opinion from recent experience. The more she keeps him the more he doesnt want to stay with us and it's saddening because hes only 3 years old. Hes always been really attached to her and shes even commented about how attached he is but she doesnt try to do anything about it.