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Where is Nana's blanket?

Chmmy's picture

My grandmother passed away over a year ago. Before she was in the nursing home she lived with Aunt K. She still had a lot of stuff at Aunt Ks house when last Feb Aunt K also passed away and 3 weeks later my uncle passed away which left a house full of stuff that my cousins needed to get rid of but losing both parents within 3 weeks was tough and throwing stuff away was hard so a lot of family came over and took things they could use.

I took my grandmother's quilt but it didnt fit my bed or match my room so I use it on the couch when DH & I cuddle & watch tv. Now the blanky is missing. Why? Why does so much DISAPPEAR in this house. I also took a pasta strainer from Aunt Ks kitchen. I said to DH...oh look we have a strainer just like this lets take this one too. Now one of them is missing. Why? Silverware & dishes disappear. I started buying extras at Goodwill because our ENTIRE set of silverware is gone but maybe 3 pieces and lots & lots of bowls are gone. Why? Money has also disappeared but thats another story lol.

I also took one of my grandmother's rosaries and it is by my bedside and if that disappears I will lose my shit!

Is this normal for things to disappear in a home for no reason? Or is this a skid thing? Like they are so entitled they take things & don't put them back because well they're skids, they don't have to. I've only lived here since summer and soooo many things are gone. I mean no one is stealing my spoons, dishes, blankets, strainer and other weird things but they're not here. I hide things at my mom's that I don't want to disappear but i can't do that forever! Help

Comments

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

They aren't just gonna dissapear... Logically it really does sound like someone is stealing things... It's not normal. Your SO should address this with his he!!ions.

Chmmy's picture

We think the plates, bowls & silverware get thrown away either accidentally or out of laziness. It's easier to throw away then bring it downstairs and rinse it out.. They may hide things because food doesnt belong upstairs but they all hide things up there.

DH asked the little skids about the blanket. They dont know but SS12 was acting weird...but he is weird...or lying? Maybe he pissed on it and threw it away. He has a bed wetting problem or he spilled somthing on it, he's not supposed to have food or drink in any room other than kitchen. The blanket wasnt terribly sentimental but it was my Nana's. Im actually considering moving & hiding skid belongings just to be a bitch but arent I supposed to be the adult/mature one? Ha

thinkthrice's picture

my skids were so used to eating out of paper burger containers or cardboard pizza boxes at the Girhippo's that they would always "accidentally" throw out my cutlery.

Nanny cams stat!

advice.only2's picture

Have you gone looking for the missing items and turned up nothing?
Usually the items are buried in the pit of a bedroom. IF you find the items take them back, and let your SO know that these items have no need to be in their bedrooms.

Chmmy's picture

I looked around but I dont go in skid rooms very often. I know there arent kitchen items in there or DH would have seen them but they may have dumped things they werent supposed to have in bedrooms.

Cover1W's picture

I had tons of kitchen stuff disappear...I eventually just stopped buying it.  If DH doesn't care, then I don't.  If we run out of bowls to use, then so be it.  I never had things disappear from a kitchen EVER in my life - funny it only started when DH and I lived together with SDs....

Note:  My Good, Good stuff (glasses, antique plates, wooden utensils, porcelain knives, etc.) are all stored in a cardboard box in the pantry.  No one else uses those b/c they don't think to look in there.

Chmmy's picture

Im doing that soon. I have a great set of dishes from Goodwill of all places! Im putting it away for life after skids or after I move out. I bought a greatvset of silverware at an estate sale for $12. I loved it. All gone except one fork and a couple of spreading knives

Chmmy's picture

WHY ONLY WITH SKIDS?!?!?! My kids didnt lose entire sets of things. Yes things break but I would know if something broke because they wouldnt clean it properly.

nengooseus's picture

But only when the skids have been there.  Literally the lid to the trash can.  The roller for toilet paper, countless pieces of silverware and dinnerware.

In our case, it's that the skids are disrespectful.  They don't care about our stuff (or anything) because their mother hasn't taught them to care about anyone but themselves.

futurobrillante99's picture

My former spouse and BM never taught their kids to give a crap about anyone but themselves. They may have tried early on, but once they hired an older lady as a nanny, she did EVERYTHING for them. They could quite literally drop something  when they were done with it and she would clean it up. Made beds, cleaned up all messes, etc. XH2 claims he once spoke to her about getting the boys to clean up after themselves and the nanny said that's how she did things and she threatened to quit.

I'm not sure I buy that 100%. I think she may have threatened to quit because he acted a bit hostile.

Anyway, in the time I knew him, I had a bicycle disappear from his garage. Took WEEKS for the son who "borrowed" it to find out where it ended up.

They have helped themselves to many of my personal belongings and my stash of girl scout cookies. Brand new kayak paddle? Used to go canoeing. $300 Patagonia WOMAN's thigh length coat. Caught SS22 about to go out with it on - I said NO. Then hid it.

I LITERALLY had to put all my camping gear into a locking storage containing to keep them out of it.

They "borrowed" things from their parents, too. Funny how they didn't do that at the homes of their friends or at work. Hmmm. Might suggest they know it's not cool, but did it with us because they felt entitled to it.

They have stolen money from each other, too.

My children are children of divorce and were briefly skids. They don't steal from each other, their parents and didn't steal from their former step family.

Dawn's picture

The summer right before Ss23 left for college, Dh and I took a short vacation.  That was the summer that Ss had a party at our house while we were gone.  Underage drinking and the whole bit.  Which he lied about it all.  I kept finding evidence of the party and one thing was that stuck out was that our can opener was missing.  I did find a big can of pineapple juice in the trash when we returned and it was opened with a can opener. 

I made Ss buy a new can opener with his own money even though he denied that he or his friends used it. Lies, lies, lies.

I then took inventory of my silverware and found that pieces were missing.  I think that happened over a longer period of time and he would just throw them away on accident.  At least I hope it was on accident.  Of course he would never in a million years admit to it.

With his ADD, he didn't pay attention to much detail.

Chmmy's picture

I want a secret nanny cam that I would tell no one about not even DH (he cant keep a damn secret for a minute) but I also want to respect privacy as I would want my privacy respected. Maybe one in a common area...kitchen/family room where no one would expect privacy due to windows and there's always people in & out. Any suggestions what to use Aniki? Has anyone ever used one and have suggestion how to still respect privacy

Chmmy's picture

Have you had to do this? I checked it out and the things that would be inconspicuous are things that would get "borrowed" like phone chargers.

Aniki's picture

Yes, I did. But I was willing to spend $$$ for peace of mind and get things that no one would try and take (smoke detector).

Chmmy's picture

Dh would notice the smoke detector. You should make your own post on things you found out using a camera lol...or go ahead and hijack mine. I dont mind Smile

Aniki's picture

My DH knew about the nanny cams and I would never have hidden it from him. After I showed him evidence, the skids were in some shizzit and that's when the snooping/stealing stopped.

Tell your DH you're putting up cameras. If nothing ever again goes missing, it's because the thieves don't want to be caught on camera.

somethingwicked's picture

OSD would offer to  "help" clear the table after meals and throw silverware  ,saucers in the trash or the  vegetable scrapings for the mulch pile.

This passive aggressive hateful behavior occured off and on when she was 16 . We ,Dh and I , had no idea b/c it was masked with seemingly (luke)warm hugs and smiles and friendly behavior.This  change came after almost  2 years of hellion skid  behavior that I just assumed was as a resut of teenage/pubescient hormones.Other items that were "mine" like good sewing shears , some paste jewelry and clothing also went missing.

The clothing and jewelry stopped when I told the girls that if they are borrowing my shirts or (the cheap costume ) jewelry that was fine and they could even keep it if they wanted /needed to.  In retrospect perhaps  if I was not bothered it was not worth taking the items?

I figured that maybe they really liked the stuff and just forgot to return.Teens can be forgetful I figured having been one myself.

OSD  did not always offer to help so I imagine the times she did was when she tossed items.  I intermittantly found a few forks and knives in the trash   and my DH found other kitchen items in the mulch pile in the Spring when he turned it over. We did ask then 17 year old skid if she accidently tossed the stuff and she raged out and ran out  driving to BM's.

Never had I known of PASing  by a BM or a bitter bio parent on my radar b/c had never heard about it  until reading on  ST.  But as time passed that is what was occurring AND OSD was encouraged to  cause problems for DH and me  by her mother.

Your skids may very well be tossing your things  as a passive aggressive  hateful gesture .

Maybe invest in some hidden nanny cams ?.

 

thinkthrice's picture

I caught SD, age eight at the time, going through my purse and Chef's wallet when she "thought we were sleeping."

thinkthrice's picture

nice, eh?   I caught her red handed with OSS as "lookout" (not a very good lookout obviously)  and I said "It's rude to go through other people's belongings"   To which she offered the above "excuse."

SO GLAD they PASed out!  They were unsavable anyway with the Gir 'n' Clan at the helm and with Chef's disney daddying.

Survivingstephell's picture

I say an old fashion prison style shakedown of all the rooms is in order.  Let them clean up the mess after you are done.  Forget privacy for now.  They haven't earned it.  If its your stuff that is missing then you have every right to go looking for it and teach the lesson to the skids about your boundaries and how to live with you. When they complain and whine just tell them if they didn't like those consequences then keep their grubby paws off your stuff.  

Exjuliemccoy's picture

...Is what I was going to suggest.

What do you mean you don't go in skid rooms very often? Kids own nothing, and have no rights. They have to earn that.

Go on the warpath! How will these kids learn that this is unacceptable behavior if no one ever teaches them? Toss the inmates' cells, reclaim your stuff, and put it all on display for them and your SO to see. Make them clean the gross, moldy dishes, and pay for anything they've damaged. Demand consequences such as removing the doors to their rooms, and make them earn their privacy back. If your spineless SO complains, tell him it wouldn't come to this if he would parent properly. And damn straight make them clean their rooms and get everything back in order. Have garbage bags and cleaning supplies ready to go.

BTW, we have a poster who got fed up and started throwing everything her lazy SDs left lying about in garbage bags. Another SM had a lightfingered SD who used to help herself to the SM's clothes, makeup, etc. The SM started making some of the SD's favorite possessions disappear. Think video games, one of a favorite pair of shoes, hair appliances (girls hate this!), a treasured hoody, etc. Let them feel the frustration and aggravation for a change. You can either return the item after a while with a "how does it feel?" as a lesson, or toss it in the garbage as karma , but don't take this lying down.

Chmmy's picture

My husband goes in the skid rooms. I have no reason to go in there. The rooms are clean but if they had something hidden it would get thrown away before they bring it downstairs & get busted having something in their room. DH stays on them about keeping a clean room and keeping a clean house. Not my kids so I dont keep on them about anything. DH does a lot of cleaning & has the skids help. Im at work after school so I miss out on the fun Sad

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Then your H is the one who should receive the consequence.

Buy replacements for the missing items (I know Nana's quilt can't be replaced, but an expensive facsimile might soothe you). Pay with your H's credit card, preferably AMEX. Let him take the hot for his poor parenting.

SM12's picture

towels.   When DH and I combined households, the only thing we had in abundance was bath towels.   DH didn’t have much else to bring.    Shortly after moving in I noticed we had fewer and fewer towels. Eventually I caught in it was ALL of The towels that DH brought that we’re missing.  Every single one.   

I mentioned it to DH but like all step kid isssues at that time, he ignored it.   I knew what happened, Oss had gym class so he would take a towel from our house every Tuesday evening, it would either end up left at school or at BMs house never to be seen again.   But yet when Oss stopped coming over, our towels stopped disappearing....go figure.

Oss didn’t take one of my towels.  Probably because he knew I would lose it if he did.   

Oss always was a jerk...I doubt much has changed since I saw him last.

Chmmy's picture

I think we lose towels too but i have 2 towels in my bathroom for me and 2 beach towels in my closet for no one else to touch! I wash my stuff separately also since I dont want skids' skid marked underwear swishing around with my clothes

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Toss the stepbrats rooms ASAP! I would f!cking go psycho if stepbrat stole the quilt my grandma made!!!

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Irrelevant. It’s a family heirloom. YOUR FAMILY’s heirloom. Go get it back!!

sunshinex's picture

It seems a lot of stepkids aren't taught that other people's belongings have value and are off limits. I taught this to my stepdaughter when she was really young. DH was totally on board. From 2 years old onwards, if she touched something that wasn't hers, she was reminded that it's not hers and handed something of her own. For example... Coffee table books. If she picked one up, we'd take it, hand her her own book, and remind her that she has her own things and we have our own things. It took about a year for her to really understand, but by 3 years old, she stopped touching things that weren't hers. 

Even now, at 7 years old, she doesn't touch when it's not hers. Even in the shower, she knows to use her own soap/shampoo and not touch anyone elses. It's quite easy. Whereas my SIL and her two kids (4 and 5) stayed with us for a month or so and they were completely different. I bought $100 worth of cute christmas decor from target and brought it home. She said "oh man I hate to tell you but that's all going to be broken fast if you put them out" and I was in complete shock. Why would MY items be broken? Excuse me. To her, it was just normal for her kids to take/play/break whatever was laying around. 

And it's true. Her kids touched and played with EVERY SINGLE ITEM I put out for decoration. Everytime I stopped them, she would get this annoyed attitude like "why put it out if my kids can't touch it?" it drove me insane. 

Petronella's picture

Make a list of your missing items and toss the house with special emphasis on their rooms, closets and bathrooms. Your DH should be the one doing it but I don’t suppose he will. I really think you should rethink this marriage tbh. It will always feel like you against all of them.

Chmmy's picture

I think it could have got thrown away. If something gets ruined, isnt it easier to dump than fess up? It's not in the boys room and i doubt the girls would use it. I know exactly where it was last I saw, behind the couch. I folded all of the blankets and not all of them fit in the basket behind the couch so i threw it on top the lid.

Goodluck's picture

Oh yesss.  Our home was a favorite for missing items. Escalating to  vandalizing property both heirlooms and personal items AND exterior and interior of our home.  It went on for several years. Subtle at first then becoming more and more purposeful.

There were  blobs of mucus and feces "accidently" on walls near the end. Toilets accidently over flowing, personal expensive items missing, sums of money stolen....family heirlooms accidently broken. Kitchen items passed down 2 generations broken...family animals hurt requiring vet treatment.  1 of which died shortly thereafter.  My bio's were also hurt.

There came a point were I slept with bedroom doors locked. We were very scared after finding knives in skid drawer.

Of course some events could not be proven while others were clearly proven.

Here is what I can say about all of it....IT stopped immediately when dh said NOT anymore in our home.  That was years ago. Purely magic right?

I know there are others on who have had similar situations.  When dh and I put everything together in a story line it is re traumatizing to relive those years. We still look over our shoulder and flinch seeing certain makes of vehicles.

BM would park her vehicle in such a way when we walked out of our home we could see just the front end tip  of it.  I would imagine now a'days it would be considered stalking.

Family courts do not do enough to protect decent families who are good members of society from this. They continue to reward it with money.....in the form of cs. Bad behavior should never be rewarded in this manner.

There are several people i know who experienced the same things I wrote about. It's awful...all becaue overnights equal money. Kids taking over inside the home where bm for the most part can not reach. 

Goodluck's picture

PS I am sorry you can not find your Nana's blanket. That is how it starts out...things that are important to you go missing or 'accidently' broken. Hide it all OP,,,hide it all. Go buy a large safe that is impossible to pick up. OR rent a very small storage unit IF you have a lot of things.

A lesson we learned too late is, 'There are no coincidences".

Some people tell us,  they will get their Karma....well I have yet to see it. Therefore I do not believe in Karma.

 

SteppedOut's picture

Yeah. I had missing stuff too. Silverware, dishes, random kitchen utensils, towels, blankets, spices (probably used for stupid youtube "challenges"), hair products, thousands in jewelery, of course money.

It was flippin rediculous and formerSO "just couldn't believe SS was stealing all that stuff". REALLY?! Because he has been caught red handed - at home AND at school. SMDH.

One of the many things I couldn't deal with.