I am grateful every day for the wisdom of my STalk friends, and I mean it when I say friends. I really did think I was crazy, mean, an awful wife and step mother.  Y'all understand me more than anyone. I've opened up to some friends and my mother but there are things I can't even tell my mother due to she loves my husband and I'm trying not to turn her against him. She won't be too surprised when I leave though. She knows I'm hoarding money in my own accounts and she understands why I'm doing it, or she thinks she does. She thinks I'm hiding it from the skids, if something were to happen to me I don't want the skids to get anything of mine. I want my bios to get it. The full truth is I want an escape plan. My mom will also think it is the skids fault I left but it is DH. My mom knows he is an overly leniant parent but she doesn't understand fully that he stabs me in the back each and every time he has undermined me as an authority figure.

I sent DH a message this morning asking him to follow through on the 8pm bedtime the rest of the week while I am gone(Im staying with my mom til Saturday!!!!). They were late for school because they were up til 1ish in the morning...and yes, school is downstairs on the computer, they didn't have to go to school. Also they woke me out of a sound sleep at 930pm looking for the Nintendo switch. They should have been in bed #1 and they are not allowed to knock on my door after we go to bed unless there is serious injury, illness, flood or fire. 

DH did not respond to my text about the boys but did call briefly to discuss paying a bill and mentioned sorry didn't have time to answer text, he was busy. Yet, he had time to send a message to SD21 and SD18 under the title MY LITTLE ANGELS(it's an ongoing group message between the 3 of them. He couldn't discuss the boys or acknowledge my message but he had time to send his morning message to the girls to have a great day, happy taco tuesday, along with several pictures and gifs of people and animals eating tacos. What a cool dad.

I'm still convinced that he does not love his kids fully like a parent should but in some sense uses them to fulfill his needs. He'd rather fulfill his needs than fulfill their need for structure, consistency, guidance, boundaries and decent parenting. It also fulfills his need to look like a good parent from the outside when he "does everything for those kids."  But he doesn't. His closest family knows this. I know that his siblings at times did not want his kids around since they ruined events with their crap behavior and now I'm wondering if they want SS13 around since he does and says weird things around their kids. I wouldn't put some sort of incest past him and I know he has done sneaky weird things at sleepovers including watching inappropriate things on other people's smart tv's and even has gone as far as taking a Kindle from a 5 year old cousin and using it for what ever he does online and then the 5 year old was getting inappropriate pop ups on his screen. Everyone is afraid to confront DH because he is so protective and defensive. He used to protect and defend BM also. She lied to friends and family, stole from them, and manipulated money from people DH knows and DH defended her to the death.