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Readjusting after BMs house turned into a sight to see

Chmmy's picture

My DH is a kind hearted, sweet and emotionally needy man. He put this neediness on the kids when he sleeping, codependency, buying their love. All the typical Disney dad shit.

We are now talking divorce(maybe) due to our differnces in child rearing(his kids but i live there too), the lack of boundaries in the house i live in with the skids, and my total lack of privacy in the home I live in...not my home but the home I live in due to I moved in to his home with the kids even though I found the house when it was for sale, decorated it, bought or picked all of the furnishings, decor, appliances etc. I was involved financially and otherwise from the start but i didnt move in immediately.

The skids are with us 90% but after their night or two with their mom it takes a moment for them to readjust to our home. They came home Sunday night very distant. They barely said hello, put their stuff away and started with their phones etc. They just went an hour in the car without wifi. They missed the wifi more than daddeeee lol. Anyway I was glad they didnt speak to us. BM as usual dropped them off early. Only 30 mins but we were watching something so as soon as I heard them I thought oh fuk, no more quiet tv but they were distant and quiet. Hooray! Not hooray as far as DH was concerned. He called them in the room after maybe 10 mins...." what no hugs, no hello, no love you daddeeee" then he actaully said to them "do you not love me anymore?"  No daddeeee we love you and the hugs and love started and Chmmy was out. Time to go to my cave. I didnt say much that night but of course stuff that irks me comes out next fight and I had to tell him that I found it to be emotional abuse to guilt the kids into affection. I told him it was bad enough that post divorce he bought their love and thrived on their codependency but actually witnessing him guilt them into being affectionate and say love you etc made me sick. These kids are laying all over him all the time but obviously needed some space and time to adjust to being home after being at crazy BMs for 2 nights.

He wonders why SD19 texts him every time she farts. She's codependent and he loves it. SD16 is distancing herself and he is throwing himself at her. Practically chases her out the door yelling PLEASE LOVE ME. Ugh. Never should have married him. I was blissfully ignorant when I didn't live there. I knew there were issues but not how bad.

I dont know if i had a question or just ranting. I mean I cant even ask is this normal or is this abusive because i know the answer. He is so f'd up & wrong but then he cries Im a good daddee. Chmmy you're so mean, you tell me the truth that i don't want to hear. Oh counseling you say? He tells the counselors, doctors, schools, me, his sister & his mother to basically piss off when they don't say what he wants to hear.


LimaPapa's picture

I'm staying put in my house, my own space because I do not want to deal with this kind of shit.  I'll stay "bissfully ignorant' in my own house.  

Gimlet's picture

I can't get past the 12 year old wanting to borrow your husband's shaver to shave his balls.   It sounds like your husband really needs to work on boundaries and yes, he's being emotionally manipulative.

SteppedOut's picture

Yikes on shaver. Yeah, that is odd at best. Bleh. 

And yes, you husband is "off" on his parenting. 

Honestly though, do you feel like you would be happier staying married or moving on to a relationship that you agree more on parenting/home life (or even single... there is nothing wrong with being single until/if you find someone more suitable)? 

Chmmy's picture

I guess the kid doesnt know any better about sharing a shaver and at least DH said no. Lol. He probably has 2 hairs. He's a little boy.

Divorce isnt as easy as saying I wanna move out. I quit my teaching job at the end of the school year. I now rely on him for health insurance and so do my kids but they have access to other insurance when they start their new jobs soon. I would have to start looking for work before I leave. I would actually be happier if I had my life back a year ago. When DH was my boyfriend. I had my job and couldnt live with them because of my job. I quit my job to move in with him but had to get married before I did that for insurance. Yep we all make mistakes. At least I said hell no to having a kid.he can fuck up his own kids. I don't need one with him.

SteppedOut's picture

Sounds like it might be time to start looking for a new job... why didn't you after you moved?

Chmmy's picture

He wants a wifey at home and we dont need the money if BM would pay up, she doesnt. It sounded cute for a short minute. I wouldnt mind cooking and cleaning for DH & normal kids. Entitled kids no thanks so I stopped doing anything for the skids.

I actually like my part time job from 2-6pm. I have my day free to work out and be in my home without skids and then shortly before they get home I leave and come home after homework & dinner. Sometimes i dont come home right after work, like today I got off a little early and im sitting in the pedi chair as we speak. 

Petronella's picture

Your home life sounds pretty intolerable tbh and your DH is the worst kind of Disney Dad. You might consider saving more of your money as a move-out or emergency fund rather than spending it on pedicures. 

Chmmy's picture

Not to sound like a spoiled bitch but DH just pd for that. I put it on the card he pays for. I get about 4-5 pedis a year and it was time.

My money goes into an divorce account. I will own my 2 yr old car next month is last payment. My bank account and car are in my name only. I also have money in my dad & kids name. I still need a job before making a move. Im not about to spend my savings without a job. Im saving close to $1000/month while married...Christmas months don't count!

I do love DH for his kindness & many other good qualities but struggle to respect him at times