let's talk about swearing, what is appropriate?
SS13 swears too much in my opinion. He has been home(as all of them have) for 6 weeks and Im so sick of his mouth. I am disengaged so often I speak 0-10 words a day to him. Sometimes I speak just to be polite if we end up in the same room. All of the kids 21,17, 13 and 11 swear but I feel differently about SS13 and his constant tourette's like mouth. He has ADHD and maybe Asperger's undiagnosed but even DH is starting to see that he has many symptoms of Autism since I make him watch tv shows with kids with Autism. He is seeing the connection. Anyway he swears a lot and it has become a terrible habit and the difference is that he wont know the differnce between the appropriate time to swear and when it is not appropriate. We have had to change some of our behaviors as adults because he mimics behaviors and does and says things at inappropriate times and then doesn't understand why it was funny at one time but not others. DH has spent more time with him talking about his condition as I've eduacated DH on the symptoms and how to work with him. The kid actually cries to his dad and asks why cant he just be normal. He actually is smart and could have been better with some decent parenting and some therapy but that ship has kind of sailed and DH never follows through so I don't have high expectations.
SS swears while playing video games through playstation live or whatever it is, I would say most of his sentences contain a curse word of some sort. He also yells and swears a lot at his 3 siblings and at DH yet somehow he knows not to even try it with me. He just knows but he swears all day while DH is gone and since I am disengaged so I say nothing even though I am in earshot and I cant hear many of their conversations clearly as I'm working on the computer but somehow his big mouth sticks out and the swear words have emphasis so I notice that. For those who have young teens, how much swearing is allowed/age-appropriate?
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Comments
If he is in the autism
If he is in the autism spectrum and the swearing is a tic he will require behavioral therapy to correct it. It definitely should be addressed because it will effect him as an adult if not corrected.
I am totally fine with adults
I am totally fine with adults swearing and do it myself. But kids should not do it in front of adults. If they do it with their friends, fine, but not around adults.
When my SS was 13, no way would he have been allowed to swear in front of us. Now he's 20, he's welcome to.
I agree. To me it's a
I agree. To me it's a boundary issue and also a respect issue. By boundary i mean that they shouldn't be able to talk to adults like they would talk to a peer. It puts them on the level of adults and sends the wrong message.
Plus, I think the key to good
Plus, I think the key to good swearing is to know when to do it, lol. I never swear around my 86-year-old mother, beyond "damn", since she doesn't like it. My SS can do it around me and his dad because we don't care. Kids need to learn how to NOT swear when they shouldn't be.
That is the problem is he
That is the problem is he doesn't know when to stop. Not just swearing but many things. It's not his fault in the sense that his brain is not developed in the same way most kids his age. It's DHs job to teach him about being appropriate. It's not easy. I'm also afraid that his impulse control is going to get him in trouble with sex offense. He will do something someday that gets him labeled a sex offender. He is oversexualized for his age due to thaving unlimited internet privileges taught him too much at a young age. He has hit puberty now so we'll see what happens.
I agree with wickedstepmo and
I agree with wickedstepmo and all comments. I am the mother of an ASD daughter. Some undesirable behaviour can be anxiety related partially, so the paediatrician advises me to teach her an alternative behaviour which is more acceptable rather than just expecting her to stop it.
Swearing ...nope. Thats a no
Swearing ...nope. Thats a no go in our house.
I don't allow the word SUCKS or Pee either. The P word is gauche. Lot's of people use it like they would say Hello or Goodbye.
My parents lived a very long life. Never ever heard 1 swear word out of them. Oh trust me there were plenty of times they could have. And NO, they were not holy rollers either.
There are so many other words to use beside swear words.
I knew a bass player who
I knew a bass player who played for a very popular, highly Visible singer. If I wrote the singers name you would know who it is.
Anyway the bass player had turrets.
His trigger word was the F word.
I am being very serious.
Never a problem when he sang...but when he didnt sing...F F F.
Poor guy. and no I was not involved with him.
I've never met anyone who
I've never met anyone who truly has tourett's but I have heard that there are times they can control it...something like singing. Interesting.
The kid will repeat the
The kid will repeat the language that he hears around him. If you don't like it then change the environmental factors that causes him to say or hear these things. Tell his siblings that they are all old enough to watch what they say around him and that he shouldn't be saying those things. It's not a step thing for people to watch what they say around other people, it's a soft skill everyone needs for any social interaction.
I did things differently
Growing up my mother wouldn't even let us say fart, we had to use a made-up word of hers. She also got really embarassed about anything sexual. I decided I would be nothing like that. And I was nothing like that. I was upfront about things with DS.
Did I swear a blue-streak in front of DS? No. I was careful when he was little. When he came home in second or third grade asking about some words he heard, swear words, I knew it was time. So I sat him down and explained what swear words are, that he's reached an aged to hear them from others and recognize them, and I went through all of them and what they mean. And I explained to him that he is allowed to use them at home, when it's just us, not all the time but when he really feels a need to express himself that's beyond normal words. But that he's allowed to do it at home only, not in public. I loosened up a little and did allow myself a bit of swearing in front of him. He's an adult now and over the years he's had one or two words that he uses though it's infrequent. (He doesn't have any additional considerations that would have made this a difficult thing to teach.)
OSS? DH thought his kids were pure innocents. They never swore----right---they never swore in front of him. I happened to go to some online admin thing for a game they all played and didn't know it logged their chat message interface in the game. Wow. I showed it to DH. Right there in black and white that his kid knew how to swear and make really vulgar statements. OSS also has ADHD and was totally coddled. He said some really appalling things (not swearing but weird crap) that even YSS and DS and the neighbor kids thought were too far. There was a lot of coming down on him for that from me, and at least in that arena from DH. Sometimes I would even make him "replay" a situation with better words and no vulgar stuff. There's a difference between using a swear word to express your emotion and using vulgar statements to say something really nasty about someone. Now OSS is better, or he at least knows when it's not appropriate.
Also, any word can be a swear word if you use it as such. We've just tagged some as explictly swear words and tagged other words that describe the exact same thing as regular/allowable words.
Kids do not curse in front of
Kids do not curse in front of adults. Especially their family. My mom is 70ish and I still try not to curse in front of her.
Just letting this go on
It's not good for anyone. He needs to get professional help. To find out the real reason. It's no good for you and no good for SS. He not going to far in life if he keeps that up. Teachers and employers will not stand for this.