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I dont get it

Chmmy's picture

I dont understand the skids...ok I do, I understand that no matter how badly you are treated, neglected and /or abused by your parents, they are still your parents and you just want to be loved by that parent but i dont understand why that is in most cases even in to adulthood.

BM has lied to the kids, stolen from them, manipulated them and abandoned them on the street with their belongings while she drove off with her boyfriend in the moving van. DH picked them up and as much of their stuff as he could and they have been in his custody since. Still SD posts a bunch of family pics on facebook including one of the 4 skids with mommy & daddy in happier days. Only they werent happier days. BM was lying, manipulating and stealing back then too, from DHs family and friends and her own family(BMs parents and sister that I know of). She bled DH dry and then divorced him and continued with CS & alimony until her boyfriend and her moved and decided to not take the ferals with them. That is how feral they are. BM & her bf gave up 40,000+/year and DH paid for all of their clothes, school stuff etc so that $40,000+ was for them.

Just a rant because I hold a grudge against that bitch yet no one else does. Maybe it's because I miss my fun boyfriend who is now my DuH. We had had a happy fun relationship before she dumped her problems in my lap. Now she enjoys movies, vacations and quiet nights at home while her spawn are knocking on my door til 10pm or later if it pleases them because they cant piss without daddeeee knowing about it.

I feel bad for the skids not having much of a mother but I also feel bad for me that I married into this and sometimes feel stuck.

Comments

MurphysLaw's picture

My Ma used to have a saying 

“Whores get more respect than descent people”

I used to think, JC Mother you’re nuts, but after all that I’ve seen in this life, yeah…she was right.

Aniki's picture

So true, Murph. BioHo (and she's a 'ho!) has done so many awful things to her children, yet they keep coming back for more. It's like they have yet to figure that they can cut toxic people OUT of their lives - even family. 

TwelveLongYrs79's picture

Still have the remnants and shrapnel from Skankula’s path of destruction. Still has a grip on SD and she’s graduated high school and moving on into the world but still needs moommmeeeees love and adoration. It’s painful eyerolls while SD isn’t looking but God I don’t look forward to the rest of this life with that woman present in it...

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Remnants and shrapnel indeed.

That's why we have to remain strong and clear eyed - to avoid becoming collateral damage in someone else's war.

tog redux's picture

Human children are hard wired to attach to parents, for survival, just like ducklings following their mother. If the mother is crazy, they try even harder to attach to them because they feel more afraid of not surviving. Imagine if mother duck was crazy and swimming in circles, running around, etc, how hard those ducklings would try to keep up.  It doesnt matter that the other parent is there, they feel driven to cement their attachment to the sick one. 

It takes a lot of maturity, insight and courage to get past that, and it usually doesn’t happen until the late 20s if it ever does. 

Chmmy's picture

Thats a great analogy they chase that crazy duck around. 

The skids have their dad, aunts, grandma the saint who would do anything for them and even me at one point, i would have been more motherly to them if I didnt get stepped on so many times. Im like an aunt to the little skids, i do take care of them and live with them but Im not their mom. All of them have asked dad why does mom do that, why dies she lie, whybdid she leave etc. It's sad and I do take that into consideration in the skids behavior. Ibrant about thiae kids being feral monsters but Ive never done anything to hurt them and I do take care of the household and make their lives run as smoothly as possible and actually do things that make them happy.

tog redux's picture

And deep inside, those ducklings think they are the reason their mother tries to get away from them, if they were better ducklings she’d want to be with them.  It’s very hard to see and admit that your mother will never be what you want her to be. 

Chmmy's picture

Her boyfriend, now husband wanted nothing to do with them and I understand they were awful but how can a mom walk out because she raised kids who were feral. They are much less feral around her because they dont have the same level of comfort as they do at our home. They dont go banging on the door at moms bedroom at 10pm disturbing her & hubby. They actually call DH from her house if the have an "emergency."

Frustrated future SM's picture

This is true. I tried for years to build and have a bond with my mother and in my twenties I started slowly realizing my mom has issues, but I truly didn't come to realize how bad it was until now. I'm now 27 and my mom is crazy. Granted she's lived a hard life but now that I have a DD to raise I now have to focus on my own family and protect DD. I haven't cut my mom off but I hardly see her and don't make much of an effort to speak to her. I just want minimal contact because looking back she was a selfish, narcissist, she still is, and made our lives more difficult than they needed to be because her happiness mattered more than ours. She didn't put us first, her boyfriends were more important. I'm so thankful I'm nothing like her and my DD will never have to put up with the same crap my siblings and I did growing up.

Chmmy's picture

I cam only hope the skids are like you and realize to keep their future kids away from the toxicity. Many adults chase their parents their whole lives. Good for you for cutting ties!

shamds's picture

Narcissist, bat shit crazy hcgubm and pas’d her kids out. Neglected them and abused them growing up. After all the lies she told the daughters about me and hubby, sd23 justified this as mum’s life was ruined when dad divorced her and told her dad this. She excused he mums behaviour

so what your dad was supposed to stay married to An evil woman??

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I think it's a combination of hardwiring and a survival/coping mechanism.

My late MIL comes from a family filled with hardwiring issues. Mental illness, personality disorders, addiction, and interpersonal issues are visible through the generations. MIL became an alcoholic, put all of her kids through some terrible stuff, and died young. DH was No Contact with MIL when we met, and she was not invited to our wedding or that of middle SIL. After MIL died, I couldn't understand the indulgent, happy go lucky attitude DH and his sisters had towards this woman. They would laugh and joke about her really inappropriate behavior, and never seemed able (or willing) to connect the trauma that happened to their mother's alcoholism. Her early death put and end to their hopes of MIL one day shaping up and being a good mother to them, so they coped the way they often did as children - by ignoring the bad and pretending MIL was a good mom.

I learned that it's common for many kids (even adult ones) with crazy/addict moms to keep up a facade. Kids NEED to believe in their mothers' love for them, and it's easier than having to grapple with the shame and loss of self worth that can come with acknowledging that mom just doesn't care. These are often kids who never recieved any help in processing or coming to grips with who and what their mom is, so they cope by pretending everything is great and putting the mom they wish they'd had on a pedestal.

 

CLove's picture

Just last night in conversation with Munchkin SD13, she was recounting how Feral Forger SD20 was complainin about her mother and how mean she was and M said "but she hasnt laid a FINGER on her" I interjected "right now", and M rushed in to defend her mother. This is the same kiddo who I held sobbing because her mother was ignoring her and only paying attention to her boyfriends, who was sobbing because her mother yelled at her (many times), and just so many times of disappointment and lies.

But, we must remember that they are programmed into loving mother and this attachment. Toxic Troll breast fed until their baby teeth rotted out, so the kiddos are super attached. Munchkin is right now very sympathetic because "poor mommy has to deal with a mean nasty selfish daughter, and is struggling to make ends meet!"

UGH, makes me want to puke.

I am just enjoying the backlash that momeee dearest ishaving to go through. Feral Forger used to drive me crazy with her constant demands and rude remarks. Now its all for mommeeee.