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Letter to my Dad.

Chel Bell's picture

Dear Dad, Well Father's Day is here again, and as always, I think of you today, and hope you are well. I wish I could see you, but I know in your little world , that is not possible. It's to bad Father's Day is not on a week day, where I can "sneak" over to your work and see you for a few minutes, like last time I saw you. I know your wife does not allow you to love anyone els but her, but I still love you, even after all you have done. I know the cancer is making you sicker, and it's getting harder to work, and function. I hope you can hold on a little longer, so I can stop in to see you. I know that when you stop working, I will not be able to see you anymore. I know your wife does not allow visits, or contact with your kids, and I don't want to cause problems for you. You have done some very bad, surprising ,and hurtful things over the years.....as you know. I don't need to get into all that, I just want you to know that I have put aside alot of it, and I focus on the "good stuff". Some of the things you taught me, and protected me from. Some of the stories you would tell me, like the reason it always rains on my birthday, is cause my birth mom misses me. You told me that when I was 7, and now at 36, it still rains like hell, but now I think it's for you. The look on your face the day I got married at 18, and then moved far away , and of course last year, when my new husband brought me home, and you got to hold my son. Because of you, I'm a wonderful cook, and a good wife and home maker, I never knew how much those old fashioned values of yours would mean to me. Because of you, I have kept myself out of "trouble", and I'm some one my kids can be proud of. I have your firey Italian temperment, but also like you, I'm fair and loving to my spouse and family. I have so many memories of you that I hold dear. My god Daddy, what happened to you??? I know I will never get that answer, the rest of the family will forever ask. All I know now is that I love you, here or not, alive or dead. I will hold you in my heart forever. Love Always, Sea-Chel.

Comments

StepLightly's picture

Are you a stepmom AND a stepdaughter? Your letter is very sad...:(

everythinghappens4areason's picture

I did not have a good childhood. My dad was very abusive to all of us kids and my mom....but he was also the loving, affectionate parent when he wasn't angry, whereas my mom wasn't.

I did not have a good relationship with my dad until I became an parent myself. Then my dad became the dad I always dreamed of and the grandpa kids love to pieces....I was very fortunate to finally have this in the end.

My dad died when he was 53 of cancer...it will be 10 yrs the day after Boxing Day. This litterally crushed me. My mom was jealous of the relationship that I had built with my dad the last few years of his life...which made it very difficult, but not impossible.

I am not sure why his (your dad's) wife will not allow him to see you & I know that our situations are not the same....but what I am saying is that you love your dad and no matter what you have to do, to show him this or spend time with him, do it. Even if it only means seeing him for a few minutes at a time, at work. Cherish the little time you have together, it will mean lasting memories when when you no longer have this option.

corie

Chel Bell's picture

I just wrote this to vent, I did not "send" this to him or anything.....it's just sometimes I can't help thinking about all this, especially on Fathers Day.I'm a step mom, and a step daughter, but my father is my "dad". His wife has alot of $$ and she told him years ago, that he is to have nothing to do w/ us, or his past life. I don't know what to make of that either. The rest of the family believes he is sick, and needs a check up from the neck up. I think so too, but I still love him. I was angry w/ him for years, but as I have grown more, and have a family of my own, I have let some of that anger go. I think it's that way for most "kids" , that no matter what, there is still some love left for that other parent....no matter what they have heard. I see, including my own DH, so many dad's out there that have been beat down, and bashed, either by a BM, or some family member, who truly love their kids, and it makes me think of my dad, and the things that he's been through, I know it's not all his fault.....I can see it in his eyes, and hear it in his voice. Thanks for letting me vent , it was just a tough day, my dad has cancer, and I don't know how long he will live. But I am glad he knows that I love him still.~"I'll get you my pretty...and your little dog too!"~