His Past Affecting Our Present
I love my husband, but nights like this make me think that I'm really not cut out for this. DH and I have been trying to conceive for, well forever. Last night, because of something on television, he innocently began reminiscing about the child birthing experience with BM. I instantly started feeling cold and distant. He went on to describe her behavior, and warn me of how I would react to pain and medication and such, based upon her experience. I was flooded with so many awful feelings. Anger, pain, and humiliation to name a few. Yes, I understand he had an entire lifetime of firsts with her, meaningful firsts, but I try not to think about that. I especially don't want to think about the amazing bond a man and woman share when they experience their first child being born, when its very likely him and I will never have that experience. I also DO NOT want to be compared to BM and told how I will feel based on how she felt. Maybe I'm being too sensitive. Feeling like this is no way to start the weekend, but I just can't shake it off. I know he didn't mean to upset me, but I just wish he could be more sensitive about stuff like that. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to not discuss things like that with me? Should I have mentioned to him that the subject is upsetting to me, so could he please not talk about their wonderful bonding experience? I don't know that it would be right to expect him to discuss those memories, just because I try not to think about them.
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No you're NOT being too
No you're NOT being too sensitive. And YES, say something to your DH about that. He shouldn't be bringing that up EVER. Def have a talk with him before it happens again.
On another note, you said you've been trying 'forever'. Have you tried using an OPK? It helped me conceive our 2nd. I actually found out that I ovulate later in the month than most women, which would explain why it took us 6 months. I was beginning to think I couldn't have any more kids till I used the OPK.
Yes, we've gone the OPK
Yes, we've gone the OPK route, along with everything else imaginable short of a very expensive IVF treatment. Thanks for the tip though.
Should I have mentioned to
Should I have mentioned to him that the subject is upsetting to me, so could he please not talk about their wonderful bonding experience?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
:jawdrop:
I am actually very suprised that he would be so...stupid to say this stuff. Yea, you can talk about yoru past, but not this way. Don't compare and don't tell you what you will feel because that is what BM felt! Just eeeewww. I am sorry, but that almost seems like he did that on purpose....?
I don't think he did it on
I don't think he did it on purpose. I really think he didn't realize that was an insensitive thing to say. Yes, that completely grossed me out as well.
I agree its dumb on his part
I agree its dumb on his part to start talking about that stuff. Would he like it if you reminisced about the best love-making session you had with a past boyfriend?
Sometimes men are clueless-you'll probably have to tell him.
Of course he wouldn't like
Of course he wouldn't like that, but a child with someone somehow makes the double standards completely acceptable. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
I think you have every right
I think you have every right to feel like that and I would discuss it with him.
I remember the day we settled on our house. It was completely ruined when DH started talking about BM and thier experience. WTF.
Then when we were going to get married, DH couldn't stop talking about their wedding, that is when I finally told him he needed to shut up about those things, lol. I don't think he realized he was ruining things for me. He stopped when I brought it up.
Okay, after reading that I'm
Okay, after reading that I'm gonna assume the cluelessness and insensitivity is just a guy thing. Why on earth would he think that was appropriate. You used the phrase "ruining things for me." Yes, that's exactly how it feels. If and when I am able to get pregnant, I do not want it ruined by comparing it to the "cherished" moments he had with BM.
Talk to him about it. Then,
Talk to him about it. Then, every time he does it (because 1 talk usually doesn't sink in with men), just walk out of the room. Eventually he'll realize what he's saying and how it's making you feel.
I actually did walk out of
I actually did walk out of the room. We were cuddling but when he started on that subject all the warmth just left. The moment was ruined. I got choked up and walked away to go compose myself. I don't think he realized he did anything to upset me.
My BF has done this a couple
My BF has done this a couple of times and I have felt the same way. I'd just look at him and say "I'd rather not hear about BM's experience with childbirth, it is not something that concerns me. I don't mind you talking about your son's birth, just not her experience with it." You are not being too sensitive and I would definitely mention how it makes you feel when he talks about it. Tell him everyone's experience with childbirth is different, and you'd appreciate it if he would stop telling you what to expect just because that is what BM went through. I found that after I said this to BF he was apologetic, he wasn't trying to make me feel bad, and he was more conscious of what he said. Men are quite adept at putting their foot in their mouth! lol
See, now why couldn't I have
See, now why couldn't I have thought of something that eloquent last night? If I had tried to talk to him I would have been babbling and screaming nonsense through tears. I'll have to be better prepared next time. Thanks.
Are you going to approach him
Are you going to approach him with your concerns? I'd love to know how he reacts. See, DH and I are preparing to try for our own baby and I dread the moment his stupid, inconsiderate ass slips up and says something like yours. It's inevitable, I know...
Men are so fucking stupid at
Men are so fucking stupid at times. I am almost 60. Guess what my body is not that of a 25 year old. His second ex (not the mother of his children) is 15 years younger than me and has fake tits. I got to hear over and over again how wonderful they were.
It is with the GREATEST RESTRAINT that I did not compare his penis to previous partners - especially the 19 year old football players.
GOD he is STUPID!!!!!!! And I've told him so and why.