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ChaCha's Blog

Pick My Battles and Count My Blessings

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Currently struggling with many thoughts of 15SS...while he does not appear to be a textbook "problem child"(counting my blessings), I can't help but wonder if it's ONLY attention that he seeks. In the past he has done things that are blatantly disrespectful and require discipline however he's also maintained a "helpful hand" persona; I tend to attribute that to the BM treating him more like a domestic partner aka babysitter, defender, friend, gossip girl...etc.

Struggling with the "TEEN YEARS'"

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Well not that it has been rainbows and kittens the last 4 years with SS15 but now we enter the world of preparation for adulthood, most behavior is to be EXPECTED...not completing assignments, not turning in homework, slacking on chores,nonchalant attitude, testing our patients...etc but I refuse to make it ACCEPTED. Like many his age he continues to fail to realize the outcome of his poor choices in high school and his lack of ownership in decisions he makes there and at home.

Contacting the BM (VENT)

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After the last 4+ years of having SS15 I haven't had an adult conversation with BM. Lately I've really wanted to send her a message but I had to ask myself what do I hope to achieve from doing so. She's certainly not on the same intellectual level as me or maturity level for that matter, she hasn't spoken to SS in months and I can't stand SS...(counting down the days/months/years to departure).

Throwing my hands Up

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So I decided to down play some of my feelings for SS15...we had an altercation about 3 weeks ago with the usual petty white lies. We had a heart to heart and in the end we (myself, DH and SS15) decided to have a 30 day challenge...we each decided to do something that would qualify as positive time or positive reflection for SS.

Feeling Hopeless

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So I asked DH to consider sending SS15 to BM for Spring Break...we've been down this road before and she has not put in the same effort of compromise (financially or interest). I asked DH to forget the financial aspect and just consider...I figure will cross that bridge when we get to it if she'd seem legitimately interested. I'd be lying if I didn't say I also was looking forward to enjoying our Spring Break without SS around... and also for him to get an idea of what life might be like if he was to go back (as he's made it obvious he wants to do)no matter how short lived.

Should I feel guilty

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SS15 has been stealing AND "borrowing" (I use this loosely b/c who knows what he tells us)money from friends for as long as I can remember...recently he "borrowed $15-20 from a classmate...DH and I got on him about it and ultimately left him to deal with the consequences. (being he has no job, no allowance, no steady income...how can you borrow?) He runs to the store with every cent he gets so of course that's how we discovered the money. Soooo I noticed he has been blowing the money he steals/borrows and the money I put on his lunch account at school (snacks, drinks..etc).

At what Cost?

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I am completely over SS15 living with us...doesn't want to be here, hasn't made much change to habits of lying and stealing and regardless of how useless/neglectful BM is SS wants to be with her. I think it's understandable that most children hold out hope for their parents regardless of their faults. However even though DH and I agree that it may be time for SS to return to her we can't help but feel like we are giving up on SS. Honestly his chances for success are nil with her and the fact that DH had a second chance with SS almost seems like a slap in the face to the opportunity.

Mental Peace

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I haven't really spoken to the SS since the incident on Monday night...when SS decided to utter the words "...if that was my kid, I'd slap her" when responding to BD5 typical argument with BS11. Simple argument of kids being kids "put that down, leave me alone, don't touch that...etc." and I corrected BD5 from another room for tone...but the convo had nothing to do with SS and SS decided to add 2 cents as if I wouldn't hear.

Behavioral Health????

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So I'm torn this week in the idea that SS15 could use behavioral health services...I mean we flirted with the idea before but recently more and more people have suggested that as an avenue to look into. I feel like he's not the "text book" child of needing such services but...I don't want to wait until things escalate. I also have a hard time believing that mental issues could be an "excuse" for someone who completely understands right and wrong...but then again many people known with such concerns are very intelligent. Either way...waiting on the Dr to recommend a specialist....

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