OT - Baby Talk
I'm just over a month away from turning 30, and I think the looming bday is making me think about the future more than normal.
People ask me pretty regularly if I want kids of my own (especially when they find out I have 4 skids LOL) and I tell them I'm not sure, and if I did, a maximum of 1. If I'm honest with myself, I think if I was married to someone else with no kids, I would definitely want kids of my own. In our current situation, it makes me anxious. It is hard enough coordinating schedules with 2 ex wives and 4 kids, let alone the obscene amount of child support. However, I also worry that if I don't, I will look back in a few years and regret, and resent DH and skids. I have an excellent very high paying career, but I also am sort of old school in that I would like to be there while my kids grow up. My mom was a SAHM and I look back and truly appreciate that. That being said, I make an excellent 6 figure income which would be very hard (and possibly impossible financially for us) to give up. Plus, I busted my butt with years of school getting a degree in Actuarial Science (sooooo much calculus and statistics) and I almost feel like that would all have been a "waste"
I am in no rush for this, but I do have to think about it. I am also BRCA positive, which is the genetic mutation for breast cancer. My mom had breast cancer at 38, and both of my grandmoms did as well (later in life though). I have an 87% chance of breast cancer and a 67% chance of ovarian cancer in my lifetime. Odds are obviously lower of getting it now, but increase every year, especially due to the fact that my mom was diagnosed so young. My doctors want me to hurry have kids if I'm going to have them, then get a mastectomy and hysterectomy. I go in every 6 months for alternating MRI and Mammo. As many of you may remember, I had to have a biopsy this year right after my 29th birthday, which was thankfully negative, but will surely be the first of many. Every 6 months when I go in, the docs want to talk about the kid thing. They don't want to pressure me, but also want me to consider this sooner rather than later.
DH will likely be starting his new job June 1st, so I wouldn't want to discuss trying for AT LEAST 6 months. What I would like from you wise ladies (and gentlemen) is: What do you wish you discussed before having kids? For example: views on spanking? view on bedtime? etc. etc. What do you wish you knew before you decided to try for kids? I'm a planner, so I'd like to explore this from all angles.
As a parent, DH is not a Disney dad. That being said, I haven't seen him in the day to day parenting of small kids since SS7 and SS6 live in Texas and we are in Philadelphia, so we only have long term care in the summer and Christmas, with intermixed weekend visits. He really adores his kids, but doesn't dismiss or excuse the bad behaviors kids sometimes have. I will say my skids are saints compared to many of yours, as are BMs. I get along excellent with BM1 and fairly well with BM2. Skids are SD17, SD14, SS7, and SS6 and I have a very close relationship with all of them.