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A month straight of in-laws visiting begins tomorrow

CBCharlotte's picture

Today is SS's 6th birthday and I miss that little stinker. I haven't seen him since Christmas. With DH laid off, it's been too expensive for us both to fly down once a month like we used to, so he has gone once after Christmas and before now. We do facetime almost every night, which helps.

Tomorrow, DH and I will fly to Austin where SS7 and SS6 live. Dh's dad flies to DC from London tonight. DH's niece works for Virgin Airlines and gets my in-laws on flights here from England practically free. We got FIL a flight tomorrow morning from DC to Austin and we will meet him there, as our flight gets in 1 hour before his. We rented an Air B&B near downtown since I couldn't find a hotel that was affordable to fit all 5 of us, and will have a fun weekend celebrating SS6's birthday. SS6 has a basketball game and SS7 has a baseball game, and they love when we come to their games.

Sunday, DH, FIL and I all fly back to Philly on the same flight. We are in Philly from May 7-18. DH isn't working yet so it will be just him and FIL allllll day while I am at work. Hopefully I don't come home to a murder LOL....they have a complicated relationship (background below). DH will probably take him to some museums but I have no idea how they will pass all that time. On Thursday May 18th, we will leave early and drive to Virginia Beach where I have some business meetings, stay overnight, then continue to Charlotte in the morning (where stepdaughters live).

MIL is flying in soon to Charlotte and staying with SDs and BM1 for 10 days. We will meet up with them when we get to Charlotte. MIL and FIL get along enough and tolerate each other, so it will be fine. In Charlotte, we will celebrate SD's 14th birthday, and see the play she is in. SD17 has a ballet recital we will also get to see. Then we will leave FIL with BM1 and SDs, and take MIL home with us. MIL will stay until May 30th. So we will have in-laws with us from May 5-30, yikes.

I get along with both MIL and FIL, but considering they live on another continent we are not close. I try and be a good host, cook etc. and get to chat with them more, but this is a looonnnnggg visit. MIL is nice, but a "putterer". Always complaining about something. Not us, thankfully, but random things, like something a friend we don't know in England said, or the way her neighbor did her flowers etc. I just smile and nod and interject empathetic phrases like "that must be frustrating" etc. MIL do bond over our love of DH (and she likes to hear how I take care of him) as well as our strong distaste for BM2. I think MIL hates her even more than I do!

I think DH will start his new job June 1st, so not much of a break for him. He STILL hasn't gotten the formal offer, which is driving us crazy! Last Thursday they emailed him and said something like "Hang tight! We are almost finished the approvals, we haven't forgotten about you" and they emailed Tuesday of this week asking for his start date for the paperwork, so it's coming.

I'm holding off on getting a pedicure until sometime next week when I need a break from FIL lol!

For your procrastinating/reading pleasure.

Background on FIL relationship: FIL and MIL had DH when they were only 19 and 21, and his brother the next year. FIL was in the british military so they moved around a lot....lived in Gibralter, Berlin, and a few other places. When back in England when DH was young (maybe 7?) FIL secretly took all of their savings, bought himself out of the military and left. Since MIL lived in an army base, they basically said you have 1 week to be evicted since you're not military anymore. They were completely homeless and alone. FIL's sister felt sorry for their situation and took them in, where DH lived for a lot of his childhood with his brother and MIL. FIL was MIA until DH was about 14....paid no child support, no help, no calls. MIL was working 2 jobs. FIL showed back up as if nothing happened. He lived with MIL and DH and brother for a bit before he left for work and never came back again.

DH has a lot of anger etc. over this, and it is the reason we are in the situation we are in with BM2. BM2 discovered she was pregnant with her soon-to-be ex husband's child when DH and her first started dating (they had been together 1 month and she was 3 months pregnant, so obviously not his). DH, being the sucker he is, didn't want the child to grow up without a father so he said he would be daddy, stayed, signed the birth certificate, etc,etc. BM2 and him got married sometime after and it was immediately apparent it was not working. Just as they were planning to separate, BM2 got pregnant with another miracle baby! She told DH SS was a miracle since she only had 1 working ovary and would likely never be able to have kids. (She has since gone on to have another with husband #3) They were separating during the pregnancy and living in separate parts of the house after SS#2 was born.

Anyway, DH and FIL have a relationship of sorts, but certainly not close. FIL has reached out more and more as he is aging (now in his early 70s) I guess because he is feeling his mortality. I like him well enough, but it is hard to look at him in a neutral way knowing all of the turmoil he has caused DH over the years. Many more stories of verbal, mental, and sometimes physical abuse I won't go into here.

FIL likes to seem "cool" and likes to regale me with tales, which is fine. However, I let him have it last year during his visit when he started BRAGGING to me about the second time he left MIL and she had no idea. "Ha ha! I just packed up secretly and went to work and never went back! Ha! " like he was proud to have pulled a trick or prank. I was disgusted, to say the least. He also expects me or DH to wait on him, constantly asking us to make him a cup of tea, etc. I just kept saying "Oh here, let me show you were the tea bags and kettle is, did you forget?"


zerostepdrama's picture

That does not sound like fun at all.

Why isn't MIL going to see kids from BM2?

Hopefully your DH gets the offer soon. I hate the waiting game.

CBCharlotte's picture

She won't be in town in time for our visit with them, and hasn't coordinated her own visit. FIL is going because he is staying with us and seeing them. MIL probably doesn't want to go down there by herself and DEFINITELY doesn't want to stay with BM2. Since her and BM2 don't really communicate aside from BM2 sometimes sending pictures, they aren't very close. She is close with SDs since they are older ands he was very close to BM1 (DH's first wife whom he was married to for 14 years)