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Court is Tomorrow

CBCharlotte's picture

DH is really starting to freak out. I just keep reassuring him it will be fine and no judge in their right mind wouldn't lower child support for someone who has been unemployed for 18 months. DH has been desperately trying to find a comparable job and hasn't even been able to find a job with a 50% or more pay cut in his field. BM2 (who he is taking to court) even attempted to help him find a job as she is in HR at a major consulting firm, and still no luck (so she can't argue he isn't trying).

He has copies of literally hundreds of emails and linkedin messages, job applications, etc he has sent.

He has a call with his lawyer this morning to get a better understanding on what they will "grill" him on. DH had to submit financial documentation for the last 2 years on every dollar we spent, his savings, etc. DH has bought some expensive camera gear, but he always sells old stuff to help cushion it. He is an amazing photographer and is trying to make some income off of that to help. He has had a few gigs and made about $1700 in the last 2 months at a maternity shoot and headshot shoots, so it is working. Our argument is also he has never missed a CS payment ever and has drastically reduced our savings by continuing to pay this crazy woman $2900 a month while unemployed.

We tried to settle out of court for $1200 and then went up to $1700 but BM2 refused, but she did "graciously" offer to lower her payments to $2500 temporarily. She also tried to claim her baby with her new husband's nanny and her cleaning lady as necessary expenses that DH must contribute towards? She is so entitled it is insane.

DH's lawyer seems to be very good, and because BM wouldn't settle he filed for the minimum calculation (around $700/month) PLUS return child support for all these months he has overpaid. I doubt DH will get that, but any reduction would help. DH has spent about $12,000 so far just in lawyers fees for this nonsense, so even if they lowered is to $1900 a month we would cover the lawyers fees in just a year and save over $150,000 over the course of CS until they age out. Totally worth fighting.

In discovery, DH's lawyer found out that BM2 is making over $140,000 per year at her job on top of the almost $35,000 in tax free child support she gets from DH. They live in an enormous house on acres of land, with a zipline and a pool and 2 grills and giant brand new washer dryers and 2 new cars etc etc. We are living in a 1 BR apartment clipping coupons and I walk or bike to work so we don't have to spend the money on public transport. Enough is enough. DH's income for the year is now $1700. WOOOOOOOO we are RICH!

Keep your fingers crossed for us. This has been extremely stressful. As many of you know, I'm a 29 year old SM of 4, and the sole bread winner. SDstb17 is also a Type 1 Diabetic which is extremely expensive, and all 4 skids and DH are on my insurance. We've had so many hits this year (DH getting injured, 3 jobs that came so close and he didn't get, my cancer scare) and we just need SOMETHING good to happen. Lowered CS would be a Christmas miracle and would really make me be able to breathe easier this holiday.

DH is a wonderful and involved father, who has a great relationship with all skids. He has tried to offer $1700 a month for CS (which we would still be paying with savings) and she still wouldn't accept it. Keep us in your thoughts for a win. Sorry for this long stream of consciousness.

Edit: I should note court is tomorrow 8am CST and lawyer estimates it should last 3 hours. Lawyer said this is it....even if her lawyer requests additional time the most they can get is 3 hours, so the decision will be made tomorrow.

Comments

zerostepdrama's picture

If the CS is not lowered for your case I swear I will cry for you guys! If anyone deserves it, it's you guys. If the judge can't see this for what it is I have lost faith in our system. Please keep us updated! Good luck!

sunshinex's picture

How are they letting you pay with your savings? That's crazy... What happens when it runs out? Why is CS so unfair to men? I'm angry for you and so sorry you have to put up with this. We are going after CS from BM and likely not going to get much and we certainly wouldn't want more than it realistically costs for 50% of raising a kid.

CBCharlotte's picture

Yep, you are complete right. We actually started this lowering process over 6 months ago trying to settle BM to no avail until we finally pulled the plug and said screw it, to court we go!

When DH first got laid off, he got 6 months of severance. We kind of laughed and figured he would have a new job the following week and he would be getting double paid. How very wrong we were Sad

Acratopotes's picture

I hope they nail BM and give her the 700 per month...

fingers crossed and will be with you in court for moral support... just look out for the irritating little fly around BM's lawyers head, making him forgetting his words and acting funny, now and again biting BM for her to scram in court... I might look like a fly but I will just be very small witch with a pitch fork Wink

sunshinex's picture

What about undue hardship? I know in canada you can claim it and they'll look at the standard of living in both households and everything.

CBCharlotte's picture

LOL Trust this is not voluntary. We sold our beautiful 3,000 sqf home in Charlotte and moved into a 1 BR + den apartment in Philadelphia so I could take a better paying job. The apartment we can completely afford on my salary which freed him up to use savings for the CS. This summer we had 2 adults, 4 kids, and 2 dogs living in less than 1200 sqf of space. It was super fun, let me tell you....

CBCharlotte's picture

We are in the middle of a city so no yard. The apartment is bi-level with the other half being underground. DH refers to it as "the dungeon" since that is where the bedroom/office is and he's down there all the time. It is spacious for 2 adults and 2 dogs but gets crowded very quickly with more than that.

SD's slept on a pull out couch in the living room and SSs slept on an air mattress on the floor in our bedroom. Add 4 kids and all their STUFF to the house and it was like a bomb of clothes and shoes went off.

AWWKNSWTD's picture

These kids live out of state right? Does he have to attend the trial in person or via phone?

In my state, if was local and even as the non-primary parent, she would likely have to pay him child support. However, it would be a very small amount, based on parenting nights.

I can't imagine he won't get an adjustment. I do hope that he gets a job soon for his own well being. Is searching for jobs nationwide, or is he limiting his job search locally?

CBCharlotte's picture

Yes, the skids live in Texas and we live in PA. He is going to the trial in person. He was actually flying the skids home to us for Christmas on Sunday, so the date worked in our favor and he is taking them from her right after court.

I doubt she would ever have to pay us. She is a GUBM plus out of state.

He is trying to focus the job search around the Philadelphia area because that's where my job is (which I absolutely love and am killing at) and also my whole family lives here. However, he has kept a net open. Some of you may recall he went to Brazil for an interview and we may have had to move there! This was at the height of the Zika virus and I was not pleased. In my view, a man shouldn't have to live on a DIFFERENT CONTINENT and never see his kids to continue paying an insane amount of child support. Plus I realllllyyyy didn't want to move to Brazil. Thankfully it never happened. But they said they were working on an offer so who knows. He also had a phone interview for a job in Singapore but didn't get to the next step.

AWWKNSWTD's picture

Does she have an attorney? If so, he or she should be disbarred.

Has he ever considered straight consulting on his own? Not sure what his job set is, but there are lots of companies that love consultants. Know it is hard to get that first client though.

SMBM2017's picture

With him being unemployed for 18 months , I would think they would have to lower the amount . But I don't know Texas laws. I do know it's always better to ask to lower than just take it !