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Cbarton12's picture

So, yesterday SD had an event at school involving a presentation of a project. The event started at 4pm. 

Thursdays SD goes with BM after school. Well DH asked BM if she needed him to pick SD up after school at 3:15 so that she could be at the event on time. And BM refused and said the teacher had already offered to keep her but that we needed to pack extra snacks. I know it's just 45 minutes but we live literally 4 houses down from the school. SD could have had a nice little break at home and spent some extra time with DH and ate her snacks at home. 

So fine. We went with that. DH and I arrive to the school around 3:50 and go to the event with SD and her classmates. It's about to be 5pm and BM hasn't showed up. SD is restless and hungry. Teacher says everyone's wrapping things up and that we can go (but we can't because it's BM'S day and we're not about to leave SD in the care of the teacher again) 

So DH messages BM to ask about when she was planning on arriving, let her know SD was hungry. DH tells her we can take SD to dinner and then drop SD off at her home (shes like a 1 mile away from us). BM flat out refuses and says "we will feed her after" and then still doesn't arrive until 5:15. 

It's just frustrating and maybe I'm nitpicking and being petty. Just need to vent my frustrations. 


MommyT's picture

If I had been your DH, I would have taken daughter to dinner and texted BM that she could pick her up when she was done. WTH?! The teacher is never obligated to baby sit over the non custodial parent. DH needs to be a little more proactive in this case

Cbarton12's picture

Actually BM is the noncustodial parent. And yes I agree. But BM is very manipulative and spins everything he says so I think sometimes he doesn't want to make as many waves 

somethingwicked's picture

Your H is a wuss.  He's the custodial parent and is so afraid of his Ex..why?   Maybe habit..More like lack of testicular fortitude.

When BM had not arrived what the other posters suggested  is  appropriate.Father takes his child to dinner or takes the kid back to his house and BM can pick up there.

It's just a couple miles round trip  FFS.Right?

BM is manipulative and like so many other manipulative types probably on the narcissist spectrum  as well ;wanting all the attention ,a passive aggressive make you wait for the Queen  type of A hole. Curious ~ Did she apologize for her late arrival and  inconveniencing everyone?  Bet not.Bet she actedlike Dh is an ass for questioning and for even calling her.

 DH is either used to the manipulations and happy to have  everyone else  manipulated right along  ~AKA skid and you~ OR  he is afraid of her.

Only a year in and already this sh*t is surfacing for you to see . Down the road there will be bigger issues involving H,BM and skid that you have to experience and deal with resulting in  your self esteem  worn away like a well used eraser.

Start identifying the issues now ,in your young marriage ,  that   strike you as "off" or  make you pause .  Prevent them from becoming a problem by pointing out  the incident(s) soon after or in real time to your husband   and as a  couple determine to find a way to circumvent those  issues  agreeable to you both. If ignored or swept under the rug those same ssues will grow  and become a barrier to  your happiness as a couple.

TIme for you to have a long conversation with your now husband about  what you will and will not tolerate..starting with not being jerked around by his EX just like  this episode.

And if you  let him know YOU won't be jerked around maybe he  will find the courage not to as well.




notarelative's picture

My view is that DH was proactive when he talked to BM about the arrangements. It was BM's time and she was obligated to make arrangements. Once she said she had it covered DH was legally obligated let her arrangements stand un!ess SD was in danger.

Yes, the teacher is not obligated to babysit and we have no idea why she agreed. But, none of that is DH's concern. It was BM's time and she said she had made arrangements.

What was his concern was that at the end of the program BM was not there and he was. He chose to call BM. That was a choice. He could have just taken his child home with him and texted BM her whereabouts. 

Way to go BM. You missed your child's presentation (which was on your visitation time) and were late to pick up. Not non custodial parent of the year behavior.