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Update on SS10's Visit

CastleJJ's picture

DH is currently driving SS the four hours back to BM's house to conclude our Thanksgiving visit. All in all, it was a perfect week. SS was very well mannered and had a really great time. I think him arriving empty handed from BMs really helped - no perfume covered stuffed animal to remind him of home. 

We had a really nice Thanksgiving. We decorated the Christmas tree, played some football outside, and SS even played with DD9months. He spent a lot of the week fawning all over her, tickling her, clapping his hands and playing patty cake and trying to entertain her with her toys. It was a sweet sight to see since he has had very little time with her since her birth. 

BM and GF called SS on Thanksgiving, but all they talked to him about was fantasy football. We were driving to family's house when they called so SS couldn't hide in his room to talk to BM. 

We did have a hiccup yesterday though. Our state's football team and BM's state's football team were playing and SS wanted to watch. Well, BM's State, who was predicted to win, lost by a landslide. At the end of the game, SS broke down crying and told DH that he was going upstairs to take a nap. He refused to talk to either of us but was visibly very upset. 

Folks, this is what PAS does to an innocent kid. When BM moved out-of-state in 2017, she basically brainwashed SS into forgetting everything about his life in our state. She kept trying to convince him that everything in their new state was so much better and far more superior to make SS more okay with the move. So now, SS is very defensive over his home state and when he can, belittles our state, in loyalty of BM.  Like I told DH last night, SS crying had nothing to do with football. It had everything to do with the fact that if BM's state's team lost, then it proves that BM's state isn't as superior as BM brainwashed SS to believe, making BM wrong, which isn't possible in the eyes of a PASed kid. This wasn't about two sports teams, this became an issue of BM versus DH, which is why SS cried and put himself to bed. I hate that this kid has such bad loyalty binds. 

SS did eventually come down and we tried to distract with holiday activities. After DD went to bed, we made gingerbread houses and watched the new Santa Clauses series on Disney+. We seemed to salvage the night and SS was in a much better mood. Before he left today, he gave me a huge hug and said "Thank you" for all the fun. All in all, it was a good visit and we will see SS again for the second half of Christmas break. 

Comments

SeeYouNever's picture

If it wasn't football it would have been something else. We've had SD get triggered into some loyalty bind by the most unexpected things: food, tv shows, restaurants, clothing brands, seeing a car like BMs, ice in her drink (seriously). It hit it's peak at age 7-9 then started to be less upsetting for her, but by then it was ingrained.

PAS is so insidious it's like landminds planted in the kid.

CajunMom's picture

My chest tightened as I read about the hiccup. PAS is so sickening on so many levels. I look at my own world and how PAS has impacted it. I am a good person...a good human...kind, loving, giving, fun, compassionate. I wake up each day with the goal to make someone smile or feel better. And yet DHs kids' have the complete opposite idea of who I am, in spite of ALL the good that was sent their way by me before I completely disengaged. Sometimes, when I let myself go there, it's devestating emotionally. And I can "hear" some of what I feel in your post....an innocent kid being impacted by craziness. I'm sorry. Sending you a big hug.

ndc's picture

I'm glad you had a mostly positive visit.  Now you've got me trying to figure out which game disappointed SS. I am thinking it was either Michigan/Ohio State or TAMU/LSU. In any event, it sucks that he has so much invested in Mom's state vs. Dad's state. PAS is horrible and so damaging to kids. 

CastleJJ's picture

Yes, it was one of those games. We live in the midwest so that would give you your answer. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I'm so glad things went well. That being said, I wonder if part of the reason is because BM didn't fill his head with nonsense before he came, and the reason she didn't was because of the pending child support review. Whatever the reason, hopefully Christmas will goes as well!

CastleJJ's picture

I'm wondering if it is either because of the CS review or because SS is getting older. BM has been showing less interest in SS lately (not that she showed much interest before). It is almost like because SS isn't that cute little boy anymore, she's bored with him. He's not "fun" anymore to her. She absolutely still wants control but it's different than when he was younger. 

CastleJJ's picture

I spoke with DH after he dropped SS off. He said that SS talked the whole trip down - about fantasy football, about school, etc. DH said he was super chatty. DH also said that SS gave DH a super long and tight hug at drop off and told DH he was so excited to come back in a few weeks. All of this happened right in front of BM. 

Rags's picture

Considering that they only had long distance visitation (5wks summer, 1wk winter 1wk spring) that just emblazoned the "Stupid" emblem on their forheads.

We just made sure to counter it completely, forcefully, and with the facts.  

We were fortunate that the SpermClan was not smart enough to be effective at PAS, they did not have enough consistent time with SS to be successful, my DW would not tolerate any toxicity from them without appying consequences, and our son had us as his foundation, trusted our relationship, trusted our commitment and respect towards each other, and he knew the facts and truth.