You are here

SS is here ! Disengaging starts now

Caroline2b1211's picture

So SS is here for his july holidays week. 

Before his arrival, i was wondering if i will have a serious talk with him. He already had a serious talk with BM and DH weeks before, about his behaviour, attitude, manipulative talks, lies and drama. 
 

And i decided to have a talk with him too. During all these years, i never ever said something to SS. Never ever ! It was my big first. Here it is : 

SS arrived this moring, with his obsequious tone "hi, i'm reeeeally happy to see you". 
Me : are you SS ? Are you really ? With you, who knows..

SS surprised : oh yes i'm happy, why are you talking like that? 

Me : i'm talking like that because your dishonest behaviour make me truely believe i can't trust you anymore. Have a sit, i need to talk to you. 

SS silent and super surprised : ...

Me : I wanted to have a talk with you. Since too long, you took the habit of lie and badmouth your father. This behaviour is really hugly and trust me, you are the only child i know who disrespects his father like you do.

What is happening between your father and you is not my concern. However, when i have to pack your stuffs and baby stuffs at 8 am and drive 6 hours just because your stupid little texting drama, it becomes my concerns. This house is your house, but also mine, and i won't tolerate things like that happening again. 
Plus, You have the right to think what you want, you are free to think. You have the right to think your father is a failure, you have the right to think you are bored here, but what i can't tolerate in my house is being dishonest. 
I can't tolerate anymore obsequious talk, i can't tolerate anymore your lies and i can't tolerate you saying you're ok here, and saying the opposite the minute you go out !
If something is not ok here say it, or don't talk. But i never ever want you to say you are ok, and the opposite outside the house. 
Finally, lask time, we organized plenty of activities during your stay. You told us you had a good time, but told other you were bored all the week end. Let me explain you something. We won't organize any activity for this stay, so then, when you will tell others you were bored, it won't be a lie ! You will learn what means to be bored. 
 

SS : ok, i'm sorry 

me : oh no, unlimited forgiveness doesn't exist ! you are not forgiven for your behaviour. I will not forget what you did. What i want, is not excuse but a dramatical change and HONESTY. 
 

ouaou, it feel soo good. 

 

Comments

hereiam's picture

Well, that's a fine conversation to have with him, very honest (and what he needs), but it's not disengaging, so I'm confused by the title of your post.

Caroline2b1211's picture

Hi here i am, it's diisengaging about activities ! And, tell me if i'm wrong (i'm not an expert of disengagement) but, disengaging doesn't mean let SS make his rules at home. 
I set my priority, and not, it's up to DH to make sure SS follow the rules

hereiam's picture

Right, but where is your husband in all of this? He should be having this conversation with his son, was he even there for it?

Caroline2b1211's picture

I Hereiam, 

DH already had this conversation with SS few weeks ago just after the last drama. 

For this talk, he was next to me, agreeing and supporting what i was saying