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And now, MIL wants to see my son !

Caroline2b1211's picture

For the ones who doesn't know what's going on with my evil dysfunctionnal MIL, i invite you to read my previous blogs...

Today, MIL called DH. She told him she felt bad about her behaviour with our baby. She agreed that she had made huge differences between SS and BS, and that she wanted to be forgiven.

She told she want to see BS once a week, in our house. To bond with him because they have the same blood.

 I know it's all about lies and crap. This woman is so mean, there is no option she wants to change. 

DH agreed (and i say yes too, because i saw he was really affected) to let her come tomorrow, but not every week. 
She didn't see our baby since 4 months, and only saw him 4 x 30 minutes in his entire life. She has never ever expressed or showed any affection for him.

Any advise on how should i deal with her ? I'll be there, there is no chance i let my baby alone with this horrible person

Thanks & care

Comments

CLove's picture

Just suck it up for this one visit. If shes really changed, you can feel a sense of relief, but liklier if she hasnt, well youve done your duty and can back out of any future visitation requests.

Caroline2b1211's picture

I googled suck it up ! Thanks CLove, i planned a long speach to her. But you're right, i'll just be wise 

CLove's picture

Now I will have to as well...

Biggrin I use it often enough.

suck it up - Urban Dictionary

https://www.urbandictionary.com › define › term=suck ...

To prepare one's self to put forth greater effort in overcoming an obstacle (of any type; physical, mental, etc.) origin - (probably military drill sergeants) ...

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Your MIL has not changed over night.  She is going to use this visit to push forward her agenda to destroy you and your DH.  I can think of a number of reasons off the top of my head:

  • She may want to find/manufacture evidence that your home is not safe for SS (and your baby)
  • Insist that it is your DH's responsibility to build a house for SS (and BM)
  • Insist that the new baby is bad for SS and DH must visit with SS at her house without you
  • Use the visit to berate you both for your mistreatment of SS and taking away his phone

Treat her like an enemy.  Polite but distant.  I can't remember if you got cameras for SS's visits. If you did, you should use them for MIL.

If she doesn't behave, please talk to your DH about cutting out of your lives 100%.

Caroline2b1211's picture

Hey AccidentalSM, 

Thanks for your analysis of the situation. Course she doesn't want to bound at all ! How could she wake up 9 months later and decide that finally she loves my baby ? It seems so fake.

I will be there during the visitation. Nanny cam will record everything

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Just checked and it is illegal to film in France without consent.  Might be able to get around it if you one check the rules and two tell her that you have a nanny cam running at all times due to you wanting to record baby for some made-up reason.

Article 226-1 of the criminal code (Code pénal) makes violating the intimate private life of others by posing, recording or transmitting a persons image in private setting without their consent a crime punishable by a year of imprisonment and €45,000 fine.

Winterglow's picture

" il s’agit de s’assurer que les personnes présentes chez soi consentent à être filmées et que son dispositif de surveillance n’empiète pas sur le droit à l’image dont dispose chaque individu, que ce soit un membre de sa famille, un ami ou un invité."

So, you have to be upfront about it. 

"We decided to install a camera for the security of our home, MIL. I do hope you understand and that you don't mind? You can never be too sure, can you?" Be your most smarmy charming self as you say it Smile

simifan's picture

Have no idea what the french says, but I would think a video on premises in the window should be sufficent notice. :-) 

Winterglow's picture

That wouldn't be enough. They have to be informed and also consent to being filmed. The rules are not the same for businesses and private residences. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

It roughly translates as it means that you must get the assurnace from the people in your home that they consent to be filmed and that the survelance device does not encroach on rights to ones image given to every person be they a family member, friend or guest.

Caroline2b1211's picture

Thanks all for your advices ! 
In fact i have checked the law for my nany, and i have as the laws says, reported my cams to the authorities (CNIL in france). They all are installed in front of windows or frontdoors according to the law (yes, it's really complicated in france). 

Winterglow's picture

Too little, too late. Your MIL wants to see your son because she can't stand being shut out. When she's ignored, she loses her power and control. So now she wants back in so that she can continue to interfere. Now, the good side of this is that you have seen through her little game (she must think you and your dh are stupid ...) you can use it to your advantage. When she looks as if she's about to cross a line or destroy a boundary, oh dear, looks like we're going to have to cut you off again, MIL. Done well, you could really turn this to your advantage Smile Have fun with this.

Caroline2b1211's picture

Hello Winterglow ! Yes i'm 100% with you. She finally wants to see our baby because she found out it was the only way to put a feet in our home.

No tolerance for her :) 

And i'm not naive, she hates my baby, and will forever

The_Upgrade's picture

Do you like the person your SS has become under your MIL's influence? Do you want your son to turn into a miniature version of SS?

Caroline2b1211's picture

I'm so sorry for SS that he became this person thanks to MIL influence. I'll never let MIL ALONE with my baby, i can ensure you that i make it my #1 priority 

shellpell's picture

I don't trust her. Just say no! Or if you have to, meet at a cafe for a short period of time so you can leave when you want.