For the positive. Yes, step parenting is a thankless role. All too often, we seem to be in the position where the BIO parents place the children absolute first in everything and are relentless in their excuses, coddling and defensiveness. Anyway, this imbalance almost wrecked my marriage. However, we are making slow but good progress.
And created these unable to function, emotionally and socially unable to function so called 'Adults'? I have thought about this for a while and looking for all opinions.
I promise a much shorter entry today. I'm that Stepdad who allowed all of the negative emotions, lack of coordination and understanding with DW and behavior of my two SS's to compound for 4+ years. As a result, my marriage has been negatively impacted, my own psyche a mess (angry, bitter, stuck in the past, unable to grow). Per my last posts, I realized and admitted the issues were with DW and also with myself and we were the core.
Happy Sunday all. Some have read my blog/posts. I imagine there are many other Sparents who got stuck in the past, resented their skids and had no idea they needed to address their relationship with SO/Spouse first. I had the worst time admitting that I was mad at, hurt by, let down by and at wits end due to my DW. She is (no cliche for real) my soulemate . Only a few weeks ago I realized (hey, slow learner at times) that my SS's were not entirely the issue at hand. It was my DW, it was me as well. That has lead to a very great deal of interesting/tiring/deep thought processes for me
Wake up!!! I do not care that the year is 2019. YOU are the adults. These are your CHILDREN. That's right. Despite what society tries to tell you, society lies. Children need our guidance, love and support and they may have great ideas or insights as they learn but every child is not some Dalai Lama. They are NOT wise, they are NOT omniscient. Oh wait ... they are NOT in charge!! It is the role of the ADULT to set expectations, enforce rules, help them grow and succeed. Laugh with them, enjoy them but for the love of all that is holy ...
First off, the root issue here is that DW and I need to agree between ourselves and need to commit to sit down with SS28 and talk with him about the behavior changes we want to see around the house. Just the same, I'm finding it is so hard to avoid certain trigger behaviors he has causing me to go negative.
So I've realized that the last few years, my disagreements with DW have gotten more intense and the words I use are sometimes vile. This is not at all normal for me and yes, we are working via counseling. After a very bad weekend argument and some time to talk and consider, I've possibly stumbled on the root cause and that is our communications. A few years ago, I had both of my SS at home. Both allowed trash to pile in their rooms, both would dirty multiple dishes and cooking utensils and leave them sit expecting us to clean, etc.
Hopefully my content will be a mix of good and bad and maybe a place to start some thought and discussion ... or a good laugh. Let me start with the cheap laugh. A friend of mine posted this so totally stealing it: " Hey ya'll. Witches do not want to eat your children. They do not like spoiled food" - Ha happy Friday