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SD Bday

capp1978's picture

Well I stuck to my word finally.  I have been telling DH for years that I was done doing Christmas, bdays, Easter etc for SD.  I finally stuck to my word.  SD's bday came and went and I did nothing.  No party, no cake, no cooking, no presents.  SD's bday was on Saturday, MIL called on Sunday to tell us that we were all going to dinner to celebrate SD's bday.  DH went and got the card and stopped and got a gift card on the way to dinner.  SD got a $50 gift card this year.  That $50 gift card is nothing compared to years past.

I did things SD besides on Holidays.  I tried, I really tried.  Maybe just maybe when she has no presents to open on Christmas b/c DH only got her another gift card she'll realize just how much I did do for her.  



nengooseus's picture

But if she doesn't it's not your problem.  Good on you for disengaging!

advice.only2's picture

Same here, when I disengaged from Spawn and DH had to step up Spawn went from all the celebrations and presents to a gift card. One was for starbucks (her birthday) and the other was two tickets to a theme park won by DH that expired the day he gave them to her...ooops!

tog redux's picture

Knowing how these stepkids work, she will probably say she prefers the gift card anyway. Don't get your hopes up that she will see what you've done for her - just use your spare time to focus on whatever makes you happy.

capp1978's picture

When SD opened the gift card she said "oooohhhh gramma look a gift card.  I can get my nails done now" 

justmakingthebest's picture

I didn't do anything for SS's birthday this year. I let DH do it. I was pissed at how he was treating us. For Christmas the big gift to all 4 of our kids is a trip. However, the others are also getting some presents under the tree. SS is not getting anything else and if he decides not to come on the trip, then oh well. 

somethingwicked's picture

Don't think she will ever acknowledge   your past efforts and now the obvious  absence of your hand in elevating her birthday , future  holidays or celebrations  .If anything she will let her father know that she is disappointed in his  anemic efforts and  probably use that to punish him.

BUT not your circus not your monkey!

That's on your DH.He was  part creator of the mess that is his skid.Let him see  his daughter in all her self absorbed glory.

You stay disengaged and if he   wants you to jump back in the  circus  and help him worship his pweshus pwincess you remind him that he created this "pwitty in pink "monster and he did nothing to fix the issues ,the disrespect when you were engaged.

Stay out of it.Congratulations in taking this step towards  maintaining  and preserving your sanity and self espect.

Liberating ,ain't it?


Plantmom's picture

How did your husband react to this? Your SD will be for once getting a gift from him but I'm sure she will think it's your fault it's so small compared to years past. Her father is father of the year for showing up! All the holidays get so much easier once you disengage and let the parent deal with their own kid. Treat people how they treat you.

I stopped doing bdays and christmas because SD10 doesn't even see us. She wouldnt talk to my husband on the whole week leading to her birthday. You'd this this was BM's doing but her training is complete and SD hates us on her own now. My husband used to get her extravagant gifts but he doesn't anymore. I'm sure she blames me for spending his money (I'm not) but it's her crappy attitude that shot herself in the foot. 

capp1978's picture

DH never made mention to me about not doing anything.  I think he finally realizes I am at my witts end.  

Chmmy's picture

My DH just Amazons everything on the list. The skids make it easy so my disengaging only costs more $$ cuz I am awesome at finding deals and using coupons for Christmas shopping. Oh well. Im keeping my savings in tact.

capp1978's picture

Part of the reason I used to buy stuff even when I said I wouldn't was because DH would tell me "I'll just take her shopping and I won't have a limit.  She can just get whatever she wants"  So I would go off SD's wishlist and buy her a few things just so DH wouldn't spend a fortune.  

evilstepmother666's picture

Me too! I went out of my way and did a lot & spent my money to have a nice celebration for 14 year old stepdaughter for her birthday in July, we did it the weekend after. She was actually with her mom on her birthday, her mom did nothing for her, not even a card from the dollar store. The little saboteur obviously ran right & told her mom we were doing something, as my boyfriend and her arrived at my house, the entire time we were opening presents her mom was blowing up both of their phones trying to come over here, it wasn't a party, I didn't send out any invitations, it was just something, me, him and my daughter were doing for her. On top of that I've had problems with that in the past & he knew that I prefer for terroristic mother's and psycho baby's mama's, & shady friends of who I'm with not to know where I even live, it's been nothing but problems time & time again. So at the birthday we opened the presents, he wanted us to hurry up & go to the restaurant she chose for dinner,  to evade her mom, everyone else went to the car, she was calling his phone that he left on the chair, I hurried up & locked the door & left & didn't tell him. We get to the restaurant and I couldn't believe my eyes, they were at the the restaurant!!!#^(*;$^($% her mom, her stepdad & her 2 younger sisters. They were already in line to pay when we got there, they got their food and went to sit down, the girl got her food and sat at another table right next to theirs, my 8 year old daughter, my boyfriend and I then sat at a different table in another part of the restaurant. The girl sat at the table alone & ate. She left the restaurant with us, everybody was left feeling bad after that little episode, then she has the nerve to say, about the presents, you got me this, that and this, I only like one theme for my room.  Recently she's disrespected me and mocked me in my house for the last time, we are keeping separate houses until she turns 18, i wont live with her, been down that ugly road before in my padt with soneone else. She lived with her mom then just had to move back here to try to ruin this too. Hating it and knowing it might ruin us, I told him i dont want her here anymore. He was so great about it again, he was sorry, doesn't want this ruined either and is really seeing how fat, lazy, stupid, rude, and incompetent she really is. Hes tired of it too. He didnt even get her much for Christmas this year, I had already bought a few small things, would have bought at least a hundred dollar hot topic gift card, not doing that now and glad I didn't waste the money. I don't want her here at my Christmas, he can take her presents in a trash bag over to his apartment and give them to her