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capp1978's picture

SD turns 18 this week and asked for boxes so she could start packing her belongings. DH says she is moving out the day of her 18th bday. I have such mixed emotions about this. On one had I couldn't be happier to get her out of the house. On the other hand I think wow what a slap in the face. You think we're so rotten to you b/c we have SOME rules that you can't stay one day past your 18th bday?

Comments

Blue Moon's picture

As long as it is HER choice, and not because you are throwing her out, I say you have the right to be happy about it.

WalkOnBy's picture

This isn't about your or your rules. It's about her and her choices.

I thought for sure ASS would move out the day he turned 18, but he didn't. He was still in school and I guess he realized that he had no place to go and no driver's license or car to get to school. The day he graduated from high school, he and DH loaded up my Jeep and he moved across the state to go live with a friend.

Go ahead and be happy if her leaving will make your house more peaceful. She is being a brat, and her choice will either pan out or it won't. What will you and your husband do if it doesn't pan our for her? THAT is what you need to focus on now.

capp1978's picture

She is still in school as well. She has a license and a car (given to her by BM). BM says once she moves out she is on her own. She will no longer help her, she needs to get her own insurance, her own cell phone and buy the car from BM. Not sure how she is going to swing all this as the only thing she pays for now is beer, cigarettes, fast food, getting her nails done etc.

moving_on_again's picture

SS waited until 5 days after his 17th birthday. After we spent $7K on getting him set up at our house and paying child support to a woman who has none of her children living under her roof. He's living with some kid who's 21. I told DH that he can't come back but I know how DH is.

capp1978's picture

Since they day I found out she is moving out I have been on cloud nine and the hubs and I relationship couldn't be any better.

DaizyDuke's picture

Exactly how my house was when SD20 moved out (at 16) literally from the second she left, our house went back to peaceful and drama free and happy. EVERY freaking time she comes back the drama comes with her. EVERY.TIME. DH finally started seeing that pattern last summer. Of course because she only comes home (from college) once every 6 months or so, DH tends to forget and it's like a freaking bad re-run, over and over and over again. Sad

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

She'll learn fast how good she had it at your place. Here's where you guys need to stand your ground.

DO NOT SUPPORT HER. If she fails she needs to fall. Stand your ground. She can move back in if you guys are ok with it AND she agrees to follow your guy's rules.

capp1978's picture

She has it real good right now. BM pays car insurance, pays her cell phone and when she has spent her money on fast food, cigarettes, beer and weed she'll come crawling to daddy or grandma for gas money. BM says once she moves out that all stops, she needs to get her own insurance, her own cell phone and her own car. SD had a brand new car given to her on her 16th bday by DH & I (yes that is how horrible of parents we are). In addition to the drinking laws (no texting, no phone etc.) no one smokes in the car and absolutely no drinking and driving, if you drink you call us no questions asked we will pick you up. She broke all the rules and more. I found out she smokes and was smoking in the car and then lied about it, then not only was she smoking cigarettes we found pot and a pipe in her car. We took the car away for a period of time as punishment and she was going to get the car back until we saw pictures of her while being grounded when she sneaked out of the house and was drinking and smoking weed with her friends. Again, DH still wanted to give the car back but then another picture surfaced of her and her friends in someone's car with her behind the wheel and all of them with beers in their hand, including her who was driving. I finally put my foot down for good and said she will never have a car that is in my name. BM said she NEEDED car so BM went out and bought her a car.

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

It is her choice to move out. At 18 she wants to enter the adult world without you, allow her this. I can understand that you feel hurt - it probably does feel like a slap in the face. After all, she has "served her sentence" with you and is free to move on. At 18, she probably knows it all. Allow her to spread her wings. Be happy for her: some kids NEVER move out. Be happy for you too: new chapter without SD in your home. Look on this as a positive.

capp1978's picture

She definitely "knows it all". I am happy that my house will be peaceful, I don't have to deal with her antics anymore and hubs and I will not be arguing over her like we do now. However I feel like if it was a week or a month after her bday I wouldn't be so bad but she plans to leave on her 18th bday which to me is like "I hate you that much that I can't live one more day under your roof"

notsobad's picture

18 year olds think they know everything.
Don't feel guilty, you've done nothing wrong and once she matures she'll understand that.

bearcub25's picture

I'm going thru the same feelings myself.

SDstb17 has always stayed with BM in the summer since we work. This time, she didn't come back when school started. She was in and out while BM didn't have a car, BM doesn't live in school district. For 7 years, I have been in the Mother role. There were months when SD was mad at BM and wouldn't even go visit on weekends, but now she won't speak to me and didn't even come see her dad during Tgiving break.

I'm glad to not have to do bus duty anymore, but it does hurt that she is so cold now.

BethAnne's picture

I call it being a convenient substitute. I am not as far along as you but I was fullfilling the mothering role for 2.5 years during the academic year with my sd10 but now she is living with her BM during the school year I am forgotten. Even my husband doesn’t really tell me any news about sd unless I ask. I have spoken to her once on Skype since the beginning of July. My relationship with sd is unimportant to everyone but me (unless you are BM and are implying that I do something unspecified but awful with sd when his back is turned). I am aiming to be less involved when she comes back so as not to be treated like a disposable mother figure.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I'm waiting for that to happen one day.. BM has no interest in the Skids and they don't want to go most of the time (neglect really turns kids away... shocker...) BUT I already know that the second she decides to actually be mom again, my role and the fact I'm the only reason they even have clothes that fit and get to do sports, etc. will be completely forgotten... I mostly just do it because I do love them, and regardless that I know it'll probably hit one day, I'm not the kind of person that watches a kid suffer that's in my charge. I don't do it for the recognition, I do it because the kids shouldn't have to be in ill-fitting clothing and without care just because BM sucks so bad right now.

Acratopotes's picture

Remember this for the future....

SD decided to move out the day she turns 18 - fine her decision she's legally an adult, the consequences for this decision would be she can never move back... she will have to learn to live with her decisions, it's the best lesson you can teach her for the rest of her life.