Episode 19: The Harpy and the Princess; a Grim Fairy Tale
Once upon a time in the soul-sucking wasteland of suburbia there was a beautiful young Princess who used her honestly amazing talent for reading people - I've always been jealous - for evil.
She exploited the weaknesses of her mother, the Harpy, to obtain material goods and fawning behaviors. But no matter how many new electronics, clothes, shopping trips, weekends away, family vacations, or bonding times at the spa she got, it couldn't fill the hole inside of her. It didn't make her feel loved enough. She just wanted to die.
Princess even tried to die a couple of times. Not too hard, though. Just enough to say she tried but not enough to get her stomach pumped. She's not entirely stupid and ye olde internet is full of helpful websites for attention whore twits without real problems.
The Princess's hold over the Harpy was strong, and the Harpy was not stable. She'd been having panic attacks and broken down into sobs in front of school officials and generally been a steaming wreck of a shrill hag to her ex-husband, Sir Handsome the Tragic.
The Harpy, without the recommendation of a medical professional nor Princess's insurance, sent Princess away to a jaw-droppingly expensive residential treatment castle on the other side of the country from her family and friends. Because reasons.
And then, quelle surprise! The "professionals" at the castle insist that Princess needs to stay longer because she is just now showing signs of wanting to live! Pay up or your Princess might die! We know the Harpy has run out of money and is talking about pilfering the 17 yr old master Tragic's college fund! It is not enough!
Sir Handsome caved. How could he not? His Princess, who he loves so much and who he can't save from the Harpy's insanity, genuinely needs help. He has no way of helping her nor separating her from the Harpy (the kingdom frowns upon manhandling 15 yr old Princesses no matter how angsty.) And for the low low price of $10k, he can assuage a piece of that guilt. Sir Handsome the Tragic is only human.
I can't really blame him. Who knows how I'd react in the same circumstances? Even as Queen there's only so much I can do to help my royal consort. My advisors caution me that beheading the Harpy would only make the situation worse and I must agree. They, have, however, allowed me the option of buying a large box of crickets from the reptile shoppe and releasing them into her home. It's good to be the Queen.
So sue me; I'm no Mother Goose.