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Episode 19: The Harpy and the Princess; a Grim Fairy Tale

CantComplain's picture

Once upon a time in the soul-sucking wasteland of suburbia there was a beautiful young Princess who used her honestly amazing talent for reading people - I've always been jealous - for evil.

She exploited the weaknesses of her mother, the Harpy, to obtain material goods and fawning behaviors. But no matter how many new electronics, clothes, shopping trips, weekends away, family vacations, or bonding times at the spa she got, it couldn't fill the hole inside of her. It didn't make her feel loved enough. She just wanted to die. 

Princess even tried to die a couple of times. Not too hard, though. Just enough to say she tried but not enough to get her stomach pumped. She's not entirely stupid and ye olde internet is full of helpful websites for attention whore twits without real problems. 

The Princess's hold over the Harpy was strong, and the Harpy was not stable. She'd been having panic attacks and broken down into sobs in front of school officials and generally been a steaming wreck of a shrill hag to her ex-husband, Sir Handsome the Tragic.  

The Harpy, without the recommendation of a medical professional nor Princess's insurance, sent Princess away to a jaw-droppingly expensive residential treatment castle on the other side of the country from her family and friends. Because reasons. 

And then, quelle surprise! The "professionals" at the castle insist that Princess needs to stay longer because she is just now showing signs of wanting to live! Pay up or your Princess might die! We know the Harpy has run out of money and is talking about pilfering the 17 yr old master Tragic's college fund! It is not enough! 

Sir Handsome caved. How could he not? His Princess, who he loves so much and who he can't save from the Harpy's insanity, genuinely needs help. He has no way of helping her nor separating her from the Harpy (the kingdom frowns upon manhandling 15 yr old Princesses no matter how angsty.) And for the low low price of $10k, he can assuage a piece of that guilt. Sir Handsome the Tragic is only human. 

I can't really blame him. Who knows how I'd react in the same circumstances? Even as Queen there's only so much I can do to help my royal consort. My advisors caution me that beheading the Harpy would only make the situation worse and I must agree. They, have, however, allowed me the option of buying a large box of crickets from the reptile shoppe and releasing them into her home. It's good to be the Queen.

So sue me; I'm no Mother Goose. 


ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

LMAO. This is beuatiful... Sorry your DH caved... That's a LOT of money, espeically for an unlikely positive result for him.

Survivingstephell's picture

At least it came from her college fund and not retirement.  To sacrifice college funds for this folly is distressing.  What can you do?   Distance yourself from this hot mess.  

Simpleton21's picture

Wow!  I feel like this is my SD in the future! 

10K!?!?! This is ridiculous!  I would want to behead Harpy and the Princess! LOL

tog redux's picture

Does the residential treatment castle have a money-back guarantee? That's a ton of money to drop for something that has little evidence behind it. In general, residential treatment for kids is ineffective because, wait for it ... the family is usually the issue!

susanm's picture

Off with her head!!!!!   *ROFL*  Thanks for the good read.

So she stole from her SON'S college fund for this?  Wow.  Bet sonny boy is not a big fan of big sis at this point!

CantComplain's picture

Crisis was averted when DH offered to pay for another week; SS17's college fund is safe. It turns out that she can't actually withdraw the money without DH's approval, but we didn't know that until it was too late. 

But we all know this isn't the end, don't we? There will be more suicide attempts, more treatment attempts, more genetic tests, etc. There's still plenty of time for Harpy to convince sweet SS17 to give it all up to "save" his little sister. 

Survivingstephell's picture

And that's when you argue back that SS needs that college education so he can take over paying for his dear sister's mental health care the rest of her life.  

eye roll extreme

CantComplain's picture

Indeed this whole situation strains the eyes from all the rolling. I am patting myself on the back right now for having a randomly-generated, memorized password for my banking website.