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Bratty's Long Lost Older Sister

caninelover's picture

So while I still have a respite with Bratty terrorizing domestic animals in the North, I thought I'd write about SO's other two children since I haven't mentioned them much.

I'll start with OSD is now about 27 and  I suppose she needs a nickname so we'll call her Princess Leia.  Princess was already 17 at the time of SO's seperation from Darth Vader (BM) and was only home for a few months before she left for college on the east coast.  SO's divorce was long and difficult, with Darth Vader hurling accusations of abuse and neglect that were investigated at the time and dismissed as baseless (mostly after interviewing all 3 children and having a psychiatrist interview them as well).  

Princess ended up staying away from most of the drama but all three children ended up picking sides in the divorce war, and Princess sided with Darth Vader.  Darth did a massive PAS job and spread alot of negativity about SO to the children, including lies that SO was not paying child support or alimony (not true - it was established shortly after their legal seperation and deducted directly from his paycheck).  Princess received a full scholarship to college and worked part-time for money for miscellaneous expenses (basically fully supporting herself).  After the seperation, there was sporadic contact between SO and Princess and usually just when she needed some extra money for an unexpected car repair or other bill.

When Princess was around 20, SO sued for and won full custody of Bratty McBratFace (who was suffering from verbal abuse from Darth Vader for wanting to continue a relationship with her father).  After Bratty moved in with SO she cut off Darth Vader completely.  Princess cut off Bratty and SO after that.

About a year later, Princess graduated college the same year SO and I started dating.  Bratty had just started college on the east coast as well.  SO called the college and basically invited himself to the commencement ceremony.  He let Princess know he'd be there and bought a ticket for Bratty to join them.  Both SO and Bratty got to see Princess walk at graduation, and Princess did see them shortly afterwards to thank them for coming (just a brief 10 minute talk as Darth Vader was also there and waiting - and Bratty did not want contact with Darth).

After graduation Princess accepted an academic internship that took her to the Virgin Islands for a year.  She loved it there so much she decided she wanted to stay and make it home.  The rest is mostly second hand information as she hasn't communicated wtih SO directly since graduation.  She works at a restaurant and part time as a dive instructor.  She has a long-term boyfriend and lives with him there though no idea what he does.  SO sends her birthday cards every year and will email her once in a blue moon to try and re-open a dialogue.  Its been a little sad to watch his disappointment when no response comes back.

Yesterday SO emailed Princess with a short message that he had some news to share.  He was surprised (and over the moon) this morning when Princess sent a brief reply to his email - she is doing well and what's the news.  He is going to respond to her soon and tell her he is getting re-married, and he would love for her to come to the reception next summer.  I told him not to get his hopes up too high that she would (as far as we know she is still close to Darth Vader) but we'll see.

So that's whats up with Princess.  Next we'll cover Luke Skywalker - aka Middle SS - now 25 years old and still living at home with Darth Vader.

Comments

CLove's picture

At 27 she certainly knows better, but its probably so ingrained the PAS, and also, shes living a LIFE. Father becomes important when there is money involved.

caninelover's picture

She hasn't asked for a dime from him.  Don't think she's getting any help from Darth Vader either because Darth spends every penny she has and then some she doesn't have.

To be honest I kind of admire Princess - pretty independent and adventurous.  I wish I could trade her for Bratty as I think the two of us would get along well but alas...

Plus I'm a little jealous, must be amazing living the island life everyday.  Except during storms I guess.

CLove's picture

Independent and living the life we/I dream of, except for the waittress thing. 

I just wonder why no contact with her father?

caninelover's picture

I think its mostly still the lingering effects of the PAS, plus she seems to want to avoid the drama and he probably reminds her (or she blames him) for it.  Of course she's living on her own now, and while I'm sure she talks to Darth she wouldn't need to share that she also spoke to SO.  She may still come around in a few years, but only time will tell.

I suppose its a good sign that she replied to his email - her curiousity probably overcame her reticence.

advice.only2's picture

So since you seem to be on a Star Wars theme any option to change Bratty to JarJar? I know it wasn't his fault he was totally annoying and served no purpose, but hey isn't that how a lot of us feel about step kids anyway?

caninelover's picture

Good one, but writing JarJar would bring back memories that would annoy ME LOL.

The_Upgrade's picture

Hahaha if your BM is Darth Vader then mine is Senator Palpatine. Harmless and mild on top, evil and dark beyond belief underneath! 

MissK03's picture

Princess seems like she just ran away from it all and started her life. Good for her. It's too bad that she doesn't talk to your SO as much as he hoped for.. Does he ever bring up visiting her? 

A few months before I met SO I was feeling down about life and wanted out.. I applied for a job in the US Virgin Islands. They emailed and called me back... I should have went LOLL. 

caninelover's picture

Yes that is what is seems like and I agree, good for her.

Not recently.  In the past he used to have business trips to Puerto Rico and thought about taking a quick flight over to see her, but then decided he wanted to let her have space and come around on her own.  He didn't want to intrude in her life if he was really unwelcome.

MissK03's picture

When he responds back to her with the news of you guys getting married maybe suggest visiting her (if you can of course) before the wedding..? 
 

It might break the ice and he can possibly have a relationship with her... I'm just throwing it out there haha.  

Unless she's still wrapped up with BM even living where she is doing her own thing. 

caninelover's picture

to fly her and her BF to the reception we plan to have next summer, as she can see Grandma McBratFace and other family too.

If she says no to that or goes non-responsive again I may suggest your idea to SO.  I think he wants her to want him to visit her instead of just going - but maybe she will now.

MissK03's picture

I get him wanting her but, maybe she's waiting for him to reach out. Who knows.

Did DV ever move on? 

caninelover's picture

No, DV is still fully with the Dark Side.  She lives with SS (Luke, who I'll go into next), works as a teacher, and collects her alimony.  

With all her issues I don't think a future relationship is likely.  I should probably write about her too at some point, or at least what I know of her.

caninelover's picture

And she's quite overweight now so...I don't think Prince Charming is coming along anytime soon to whisk her off the magical Alimony Pony...

CLove's picture

Who are into that sort of thing. Its a specific fetish. Toxic Troll is a heavy and short person. She seems to get guys. Somehow. But shes also very agressive in going after guys and sometimes scares them. Ive heard some tales.

caninelover's picture

Ew.

CLove's picture

She trolls for men on the internet. She started when she was married to Husband, in fact that is what caused them to split. She was getting into "relationships" with different fellers. She told her friend, who was husbands sisters ex husbands finance (lol!) yeah they were all "friends"! Until one fatefull night in November, at my husbands birthday party, Toxic Troll was dirty dancing with "ex husband" and she told husband "he grabbed my hootchie!". Husband confronted him, he neither confirmed nor denied.

WELL this caused a huge stink because ToxicTroll was going to be in the wedding, and telling your bride that her groom grabbed your hootchie is obviously the fastest way to get booted from the wedding. And THEN the kicker was when the bride revealed that Toxic TRoll was trolling the web for dudes and was getting ahem, nekked pics from her dudes.

This is how gross she actually is.

CLove's picture

She wanted to actually KEEP husband and HAVE other dudes. Like as in "open marriage city".

Husband is jealous type that does not share his woman with other dudes, not even over the internet, as she kept insisting that the "relationships" were strictly online and not physical (haha yea right!) So did some investigating online and found out for a FACT that she was indeed being physical with these online dudes!!! When he confronted her, she finally 'fessed up.

THAT, my friend, is why she is a Troll to us, in a nutshell. If she had not been caught, they would still be together one little happy family. NOT>

Stepdrama2020's picture

Who knows if Princess ever moves back  and realizes daddio is not a bad guy you may end up having a relationship with her!

Have her move in and become besties. Give Bratty more material for the therapist LOL

caninelover's picture

I've made it clear to SO his other adult kids are even less welcome to live here than Bratty is, if that's even possible to be less welcome than Bratty...

I declare this house, today and forever, to be permanently inhabited by myself, my SO soon to be DH, and our furbabies.  ONLY.  He he he.

Stepdrama2020's picture

I get it!

 

tog redux's picture

This is what happened with SS21. DH kept trying to reach out to him and one day he replied - and the relationship has been slowly rebuilt from there.

They don't all come back for money.  She may have grown up and gotten enough distance from DV that she sees what happened to her.

caninelover's picture

Yes, I think it will take a lot of time - but hopefully this is a start.  Though she may go back to non-responsive once she hears the news.

tog redux's picture

He should expect some "ping-ponging" - she'll respond, then not respond for a bit, then respond again.  SS did that at first. It's been 3 years and he now does respond right away all the time.  From some of the research I've done, it's typical of alienated kids who are starting to reconnect. They are still wrestling with it.  For the first year or so, we were on pins and needles whenever he'd stop responding, thinking he had gone back to being alienated - but DH kept up the reaching out. 

It's very good that she responded. And my DH got SS to respond with a "hook" too - he offered him a job.  

caninelover's picture

Plus she may have some (maybe negative) reaction to news he's re-marrying - it may drum up a sense of alliance with Darth Vader, who is still alone...

So we'll see...

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

that it became very, very clear to me how mother PAS'd me against my father during their divorce.

She was wanting me to take my children and run and hide them from their father.  She was screaming at me

to cut him out of their lives and telling him to get every dime I could out of him and all the horrible memories just flashed over me.  I remember very clearly at 9 finding letters he had written to me in the back of a closet that she kept from me and she had always told me he wanted nothing to do with us.  I remember being 7 and telling my grandfather that I hated my father and him looking very sadly at me and telling me that no I didn't.  Sometimes it takes awhile to wake up and acknowledge the PAS.

CLove's picture

I think thats just horrid. I hope you were able to contact him?

caninelover's picture

I do hope you were able to reconnect before it was too late...

BPDHell's picture

I hope they can reconnect, for both their sakes. DH had very little contact with OSD when I met him, mostly because of her husband. He did the same thing you're SO is doing, occasional texts or emails, letting her know the door was open when she was ready. When she left her husband, it was her dad she turned to. Of course, that led to other issues, but I'm glad the relationship is re-established for his sake. That situation prompted DH to reach out to his own bio-dad, whom he hadn't seen or talked to in 35 years. They have also re-established their relationship and I think it's been healthier for both of them. Healing all around, I guess!

caninelover's picture

That maybe if and when a crisis hits, she may re-appear in his life then.  Obviously I would supportive in that case to an extent but its impossible to predict right now.  

Yes, I hope they reconnect on a regular basis - even if its just little things like exchanging cards, etc.

With Fathers Day coming up I wonder if she'll say anything to him.  She hasn't in years.

BPDHell's picture

Well, I hope she does, too. I know my DH is so happy when his kids remember him. As a mom, I understand! It's some acknowledgement that you weren't a total screw up, I think! LOL

caninelover's picture

If I were going to run away a nice tropical island would do very well...