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Bratty McBratFace: Professional Mermaid

caninelover's picture

Yes, you read the title correctly.  But before I get into the mermaid thing, let's review Bratty's illustrious career choices post-college:

- Post-bacc 1.0 for pre-med requisites to become a doctor.  She flunked and blamed the professors for not respecting her pronouns.

- Americorps program in NorCal working at a clinic giving health education.  She quit after 4 months because the program did not change their bathrooms to gender neutral at her request.

- Medical assistant at a clinic.  One year, then a mystery transfer to another location where she was for another 3 months before quitting for post-bacc 2.0.

- Post-bacc 2.0:  Bratty re-enrolled in a more 'inclusive' program which she recently finished.  Sturggled with mediocre grades and has postponed taking MCATs.  Not sure, but this may be the end of the road for her doctor dreams.

This brings us to today. 

After not working for a year to go to Post-bacc 2.0 full time, one would think earning income would be a priority for Bratty.  I peeked at her FB profile yesterday (trying to get any hints on if she is planning a visit to this area soon or not), and she had a recent post declaring her intention to become a professional mermaid after attending a local mermaid convention and hearing an inspiring lecture from a current professional mermaid.  

You may be wondering (as I was) what a professional mermaid is.  Well, apparently it is like Bozo the Clown for kid's parties and private events but pool or beach based.  People book them for gigs and they show up in their makeup and tail and swim around to entertain the kids.  Additional fees can add storytime, photos, etc.  More successful mermaids are booked for modeling as well as cruise ship entertainment, etc.  Requirements to be a professional mermaid include a PADI mermaid certification where aspiring merpeople are trained in breath holding and free diving techniques. 

In addition, Bratty completed a birth doula certification.  I'm not sure who would hire this idiot as a doula, but who knows.  At least it appears that Bratty will not have a 'regular' job anytime soon but will try and live off the income from these 'gigs'. 

I periodically break out in laughter whenever I think of Bratty putting on makeup and a tail to swim around for a bunch of sugared-up kids at a party.  I really wish I could be a fly on the wall (pool?) at one of these events.  I really can't make this stuff up.


ESMOD's picture

she could combine her passions and be a mermaid doula for water births?

My SIL (who I can't stand) has a daughter who "hoola hoops" for a living... aka.. hooker with a talent as she "hoola hoops" her way across the country catching rides with guys.. 


Stepdrama2020's picture

Thanks for the laugh Canine.

So now she is a mermaid. How delightful.

Maybe she can do her routine at your wedding?    Wink


caninelover's picture

You know, the hotel does have a pool LOL

caninelover's picture

A mermaid.  SO did see the post and liked it.  I think he's pretty used to Bratty's crazytrain and takes these things in stride since he knows next year will probably be something else.

caninelover's picture

I figured Bratty wasn't going to become a doctor but I thought she would stay in the health field.  Did not see this one coming at all LOL.

halo1998's picture

not like professional mermaid is on a list of potential careers......machinist, metalurgist, mechanical engineer. mermaid...

Just saying...guessing there is no high school prep course for this career.

thinkthrice's picture

Because a MerMAID is NOT gender neutral.  Hmmmm.

caninelover's picture a summer job for high school or college kid.  But Bratty will turn 25 years old in July, has a college degree from an expensive private college, plus 2 years of post-baccs (again at private colleges).  

I definitely think she is leeching off of Nutter GF.  Actually I know she is leeching health insurance off of Nutter GF, and now I'm starting to think may be leeching living expenses as well but don't know that for sure.  At any rate I doubt her surly personality meshes well with a bunch of kids, or people in general.

caninelover's picture

It made you smile Ginger :)  Hang in there, lady.

advice.only2's picture

I've seen some of the professional mermaid stuff on Tik-Tok and that sh@t is no joke.  Some of them they make you swim down a tube into the tank you will be performing in and that alone gave me anxiety.  As long as she stays far far away from your neck of the woods I would just sit back and pop the popcorn, get a glass of wine and enjoy the show.

caninelover's picture

I didn't know her then but in high school Bratty signed up for the swim team but was promptly cut for not going to practices.  She blamed her mother for making her get up too early in the morning thus making her too tired at the end of the school day to swim.

I know her older sister Princess Leia, SD28, starting scuba diving in her teens and is now a master diver.  So I don't know what Bratty's level of expertise is but yes free diving while doing manuevers in a tail is likely highly physical.  

At least from the photo on FB she did finally shave her armpits.  I guess long pit hair doesn't go well with the mermaid costumes.


caninelover's picture

And also...ick haha

caninelover's picture


la_dulce_vida's picture

I'm curious as to what her pronouns will be since mermaids are female and merMEN are male. Will she be a mer-xe? Bahahaha!!

If she's going to don a set of clamshells and a tail, I smell a protest or a quick resignation due to feeling objectified and not having mer-gender neutral bathrooms.

caninelover's picture

She would insist all the kids call her merperson!!!

CajunMom's picture


Bratty the mermaid reminded me of a video DHs kids did years ago and put on YouTube. It's probably stil there but the ADULTS are doing all kinds of crazy stuff, one segment where they are acting like they are underwater swimming and making fish lips. All they needed was a mermaid tail. LMAO

Thanks for the giggles!

caninelover's picture

I feel like there is more material to come so that book is still developing...

MissK03's picture

Bratty!!! Her talents are always growing!! I googled "job as a mermaid" and was not disappointed.

All I pictured was a Vegas hotel swimming pool where they have girls swimming in mermaid gear. For some reason though I don't see that being something Bratty would enjoy.. I see her getting offended quick haha. 

caninelover's picture

And then blame someone else for getting fired.

caninelover's picture

Not much else to do but LOL at this!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Oh, to be invisible and able to follow Bratty throughout her mermaid transformation. Where's the popcorn?

SteppedOut's picture

This is the stupidest thing I have heard in some time and that is really saying something; unfortunately, there seems to be a lot of stupid sh!t. 

caninelover's picture

I bet it's a first on ST!

justmakingthebest's picture

"Med school" to Mermaid... Oh how Bratty has fallen. It will be amusing to see how long this lasts. Spoiled kids birthday parties makes me cringe! I can't see Bratty doing this more more than a few weeks! 

caninelover's picture

She will drop this eventually and move onto something else that starts with an M?  

caninelover's picture

Probably manicurist, except she would make it sound like she was changing the world.  One nail at a time.

The_Upgrade's picture

I periodically break out in laughter whenever I think of Bratty putting on makeup and a tail to swim around for a bunch of sugared-up kids at a party.  I really wish I could be a fly on the wall (pool?) at one of these events.  I really can't make this stuff up.

Let's hope she's remembered to shave her armpits this time round.