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Such is a hypocritical BM....

Can I do this's picture

You know what really irks me?! When I realize how hypocritical BM is! I saw she just posted on her bf's status about his son's bday and she told his son she loves him ... it just got me thinking that if I were to say something like that (ok maybe not so much now that it's been over 3 1/2 years I've been in this relationship with SO) on SO's status when he remarks about one of SD's bdays, she would throw a fit! We'd never hear the end of it ... and no matter what I have done for those 2 girls, I get nothing but negativity about it ... especially early on in our relationship (she's cooled of A LITTLE more now) ... she would get pissed when I'd show up at their events with SO, that I'd pick them up from school if he had class on my way home from work, that we'd have "girls' outings" in order to bond with them ... nothing but negativity and BS drama from her ... but yet just a year into her relationship it was ok to send her bf to pick up girls from us if she couldn't and for her bf to take one SD to pitching practice and for her bf to do this and that when at that point I'd been around and doing things for over 2 years ... I just saw that posting and it just got me thinking how I wish I could just call her out on hypocracy! Her "perfect" little 2nd family (oh wait ... I guess this would be her 3rd family since she was married before she married SO) and how wonderful their blended life is but heaven forbid all the things I've done to try to make my role a positive and productive influence into these 2 SDs!

I know, I know, she'd probably be like that no matter who SO was with .... but you'd think after 3 1/2 years she'd get tired of making drama, raising issues, being a bit** about petty things ... sigh................... and I know I shouldn't let it bother me ... but I just can't help it - I do let it now matter what I try!

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Can I do this's picture

Thank you. Yes, I wonder what the girls think when they hear BM belittle me and what I do (or in her eyes, don't do --- thank goodness SO always points out to them all that I do for them) or how I can't be involved, etc. She certainly tends to blow up on SO when the girls are in her car ... how awful for them to hear that so much! But yet, she can let her bf do all those things? Someday when SD's are a little older, I hope they realize how much I have done on many levels for them and that they have learned from me (even when they think I'm being a bear by asking them to pick up or put clothes away or wipe out the sink, etc) ... I know I am TEACHING them skills for when they are older, even if BM still does EVERYTHING for them when they are with her!!

HadEnoughx5's picture

I've known my DH for 7 years and been married for 5.5 years. BM has freaked out from the very beginning about me being in his and the children's lives. BM wants me to NOT be involved in any aspect of their lives. BM feels DH should do everything from driving them to places, attend EVERY school event, being home when the kids come home from school etc. BM feels that DH and I should not have a life of our own and do things like have a vacation etc.

However, BM can have her boyfriend be involved at every level in the kids lives. BM is never home when the kids come home from school, does not attend all the events, goes out at night, goes on vacation with whoever etc.

The "rules" BM sets for DH are NEVER the same set she has for herself. BM has no respect for authority either. If the Judge says for her to do xyz...you can best bet she didn't take it as directed at her. Her sick mental process always gets twisted.

Can I do this's picture

Do you still go to their events and do things with them? I'm very involved in their events/functions and have been from day 1 ... I have even give up things that I am involved with to go support them in their events - I think they need to see how much I support them. SO's mom even mentioned after the last function how impressed she is that I make it to everything even with BM there ...

In our scenario, it amazes me that BM puts everything on SO just for the fact that he doesn't have a job but is going back to school full time ... so she thinks he can just take them to ANY appointment she schedules no matter who's week it is ... and then gets upset when he changes it b/c he has class or a paper due or something to that effect.... and we take them ANY TIME she has asked when she has to go out of town for work or wherever she's going ... but whenever we try to plan something kid-free, it's like WWIII is about to happen and how dare he do something w/o his children (or even better ... she gets upset he doesn't invite her son from her 1st marriage that SO loves very much and did help raise for 10 years ... but still, if that kid wants to come along when we do have something going on with SD's, well my thought process is that he is welcome to, BUT BM and his dad can figure out how to cover the costs for him!!).