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Child support ends and now she wants to give child to us?????

campesek's picture

Submitted by campesek on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 9:13am

I am new to this site but soo thrilled to have come across it. Where have you been for the last 17 years. Here is my issue. Child support ends this month with graduation. The ex-spouse actually send a text message to my husband asking if he wants to continue paying support. Are you kidding me? We are 54 and 46 and have two sons of our own 12 and 14. We have saved nothing for college and very little for retirement. I am a teacher and my husband makes a little more than I do.Finally we can have a little extra to save for emergencies and retirement. Here is the kicker....the ex-spouse, who has not worked in 18 years, lives in a half million dollar house and has spoiled the "child" rotten (like many children of divorce through not fault of their own) is now possibly getting a divorce herself. Says that child just might have to come live with us. Now that she is 19, bleeds her dry of money, pays for nothing herself, not even gas, and is in general a pain in the ass. My husband is very supportive of my feelings, but I also understand that is his child and may have a hard time saying no. The fact remains that after 17 years of paying child support (I handle all the bills and actually "feel" the pain of paying it,not my husband), now I have to take her into my home. Her and I do not really get along, nor do either of us really respect each other. I don't respect her choices, motivations and lack of any kind of caring nature for other people's feelings, and she basically feels I am a bitch. I simply cannot have her live with me. Am I being selfish???

Comments

Done WIth It's picture

Submitted by Done WIth It on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 9:41am

Sorry, but the BM has taught this girl to stay on the financial teat. Looks like it's not going to be BM's anymore and BM now wants SD on yours. These type never learn to stand on their own feet and are constantly in your face for money. SInce they lived the life of "entitlement", they don't understand self respect and being responsible for thier own life.

She doesn't get along with you and now she's might be moving in. Ayeyayiiiiii!! Big problems for your family because she doesn't have the initative to move forward as a responsible adult and take charge of her life. STill wants to be on the ol' teat.

Good luck!!

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 10:07am

"I don't respect her choices, motivations and lack of any kind of caring nature for other people's feelings, and she basically feels I am a bitch."

Yep, this is me now and in 3 years I'm thinking I will be in your same position. I am already preparing my response. No. She will not live in our home. IF SO wants to make other arrangements for her with is money there is nothing I can say. But my answer would be no if I were in your shoes. It will just cause too many problems with you and your H.

buttercookie's picture

Submitted by buttercookie on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 10:10am

Omg your living my life stains mom kicked him out when she no longer profited from him living there she even told the cops she feared for her life she has money to help him but expects me to. I didn't birth him he's an adult he's on his own

RaeRae's picture

Submitted by RaeRae on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 10:18am

I would not allow her into my home without having her sign some sort of rental contract. She needs to have a job, her own transportation, pay bills, and help with groceries. That is, IF you allow this adult child into your home.

As for BM, it's time for DH to cut all possible ties with her. SD can speak for herself.

Yme's picture

Submitted by Yme on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 11:02am

no no no no no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You already know how this is going to "work out".....She's 19 and just now graduating HS? Is she planning college or is she trying to find her a "sugar daddy" like BM has had?

In the case that "some how" you r in a state requiring post HS support for kids getting post hs education and BM tries to take you back to court...GET "rules" in the order......Like NO SHACKING UP......GPA average......Number of hours to attend college....part time job....ALL the things DH wants.......AND as soon as SD blows it CUT HER OFF.......no one has ever taught this girl to be a grown up....having her mooch off you wont do it either.....
Good Luck......I personally am planning my SD's "After HS Your getting out of MY house plan!"....... 4 yrs and counting......

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 11:11am

Nope, not happening. She can either stay at BMs or venture out on her own. You are not selfish and just because the CS gravy train has stopped does not transfer the responsibility for an "adult" child to the NCP.

My SS graduated HS last year (2010) and screwed up his mom and I paying for college when the SpermClan undermined his Military School HS experience by sending him a game system and hooking him up with a WOW account.

We gave him several months to find a job and start paying rent, get started in college or join the military. He did nothing for months until we put a date on the calendar and told him to be out or write us a rent check by that date.

He just finished week three of USAF basic. 5.5 weeks to go.

I would give DH clarity on the need to focus on retirement and college for your younger children and give all of the military recruiters SD's contact information.

Welcome by the way. I hope you find this a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some useful advice from others who are living the blended family dream.

Good luck with SD.

Best regards,