Here we go again! Does this BS ever end?
My fiance is supposed to go see SD for their weekly dinner tonight. Less than 3 hours before he's supposed to leave, BM calls and changes the plan. SD has her band concert tomorrow night and god forbid he be allowed to see her two nights in a row, so BM said instead of meeting tonight, he could have an early dinner with SD before the concert tomorrow, then they could all go over TOGETHER to the school.
This is wrong on so many levels.
First, changing the plan with just a few hours' notice is just rude and inconsiderate.
Second, offering a rushed 45 minutes prior to the concert in exchange for a 2 1/2 hour dinner is not an equitable exchange.
Third, she is saying that this is best for SD because she would have to miss swim practice because of the concert, but she can make up the practice tonight with another age group. Now, I KNOW she didn't find this out today at 2:00 because she has had the swim schedule since October and the school schedule since August. So why did she wait till today at 2:00 to suggest this? Oh right! To screw us around the best she could!
Fourth, she said that the three of them should go to the concert together (ie without ME) "for SD's sake." She said that "SD would like it." Damn right, she'd like it because she's still hanging on to any shred of hope that they'll get back together so that she won't have to take care of Mommy on her own anymore! (All this has come out in therapy.) Now, correct me if I'm wrong here, but divorced parents are NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE! Sending mixed signals to the poor kid is unhealthy! She filed for divorce, he moved on, now she wants to be a family unit again. Sorry, too late for that!
Normally we would fight this and insist on sticking to the original schedule. Unfortunately, BM has the upper hand in this situation and she's using this as a bargaining chip for Christmas. They have alternating holidays according to the court order, but we still have yet to spend a single holiday with SD. Here's a little history on our Christmases.
In '03 it was "her" Christmas. In '04 it was "ours" and BM said we could pick SD up at 4pm on Christmas afternoon... huh? I thought it was our Christmas? Anyway, we drove all the way there from my parents 2 hours away and she had kidnapped the kid and was incommunicado for 28 hours. We had no idea where she went, but I guess she just decided that she couldn't part with her kid on Christmas. She said it was because we didn't have her permission to take SD to my parents' out of state. She successfully ruined that Christmas. In '05 it was "our" Christmas because we still hadn't gotten one and BM said that "Christmas is a holiday that SD should celebrate with BOTH parents. She will spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with me, then you may pick her up at 1pm on Christmas Day and bring her back at 4pm." WHAT?! How is that fair? Well, we at least negotiated an overnight visit in the end and kept her until the next day.
So this year, it is "her" Christmas and we asked if we could pick SD up at 8pm on Christmas night and have our own Christmas morning together on Boxing Day and bring her back at 8pm that night. We didn't think that was too much to ask. Well, we couldn't get a straight answer out of her for weeks until finally today she said that it "could work" but that she'd have to "do some scheduling." That pretty much means, "if you don't do exactly what I say regarding tonight and tomorrow, you can kiss Christmas goodbye."
I feel like we're dealing with a terrorist!