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Here we go again! Does this BS ever end?

Caitlin's picture

My fiance is supposed to go see SD for their weekly dinner tonight. Less than 3 hours before he's supposed to leave, BM calls and changes the plan. SD has her band concert tomorrow night and god forbid he be allowed to see her two nights in a row, so BM said instead of meeting tonight, he could have an early dinner with SD before the concert tomorrow, then they could all go over TOGETHER to the school.

This is wrong on so many levels.

First, changing the plan with just a few hours' notice is just rude and inconsiderate.

Second, offering a rushed 45 minutes prior to the concert in exchange for a 2 1/2 hour dinner is not an equitable exchange.

Third, she is saying that this is best for SD because she would have to miss swim practice because of the concert, but she can make up the practice tonight with another age group. Now, I KNOW she didn't find this out today at 2:00 because she has had the swim schedule since October and the school schedule since August. So why did she wait till today at 2:00 to suggest this? Oh right! To screw us around the best she could!

Fourth, she said that the three of them should go to the concert together (ie without ME) "for SD's sake." She said that "SD would like it." Damn right, she'd like it because she's still hanging on to any shred of hope that they'll get back together so that she won't have to take care of Mommy on her own anymore! (All this has come out in therapy.) Now, correct me if I'm wrong here, but divorced parents are NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE! Sending mixed signals to the poor kid is unhealthy! She filed for divorce, he moved on, now she wants to be a family unit again. Sorry, too late for that!

Normally we would fight this and insist on sticking to the original schedule. Unfortunately, BM has the upper hand in this situation and she's using this as a bargaining chip for Christmas. They have alternating holidays according to the court order, but we still have yet to spend a single holiday with SD. Here's a little history on our Christmases.

In '03 it was "her" Christmas. In '04 it was "ours" and BM said we could pick SD up at 4pm on Christmas afternoon... huh? I thought it was our Christmas? Anyway, we drove all the way there from my parents 2 hours away and she had kidnapped the kid and was incommunicado for 28 hours. We had no idea where she went, but I guess she just decided that she couldn't part with her kid on Christmas. She said it was because we didn't have her permission to take SD to my parents' out of state. She successfully ruined that Christmas. In '05 it was "our" Christmas because we still hadn't gotten one and BM said that "Christmas is a holiday that SD should celebrate with BOTH parents. She will spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with me, then you may pick her up at 1pm on Christmas Day and bring her back at 4pm." WHAT?! How is that fair? Well, we at least negotiated an overnight visit in the end and kept her until the next day.

So this year, it is "her" Christmas and we asked if we could pick SD up at 8pm on Christmas night and have our own Christmas morning together on Boxing Day and bring her back at 8pm that night. We didn't think that was too much to ask. Well, we couldn't get a straight answer out of her for weeks until finally today she said that it "could work" but that she'd have to "do some scheduling." That pretty much means, "if you don't do exactly what I say regarding tonight and tomorrow, you can kiss Christmas goodbye."

I feel like we're dealing with a terrorist!


Nise's picture

That a good analogy of what the situation is! The kid is being held for ransom and if you don’t meet my demands, you will never see him/her again…It's almost like you need to call Jack Bower to enforce the court order!

Make a GREAT Day!

Caitlin's picture

Well, technically this year is "her" Christmas, so any time we get with SD is a big fat "favor" from BM. We're just going to choose our battles and not fight this one.

That is not to say that documentation of this will not show up in court one day as just one example of her horrific behavior. We're saving for a lawyer and once we retain one, we will have all our ducks in a row and just hope against hope that we get a sympathetic judge who will see her for what she is and hold her responsible somehow for her actions, whether it's losing custody or being found in contempt of court or SOMETHING!

Anne 8102's picture

That terrorist comment couldn't be more on the mark. We're supposed to have every other holiday, too, but we haven't had them for Christmas but once in five years. We've never gotten them for Thanksgiving or Easter. We're supposed to have a week during the summer... NOPE! Every other weekend... NOPE! Father's Day and Dad's birthday... NOPE! The first year we were married, we probably got them once a month. After that I got pregnant and after our baby came, we were lucky to get the kids once a year. Now that we've moved out of state, we haven't seen them in over a year because she wouldn't answer the phone or her emails for three months while we were trying to plan to get the kids for the summer. It's sickening how some mothers use their kids as weapons just to hurt their former spouse. I know how she treats her kids and, trust me, she doesn't deny us visitation because she can't live without them for 48 hours.

Why oh why oh why don't the courts take refusal to allow visitation as seriously as non-payment of child support? Noncustodial parents who refuse to allow visitation, especially court ordered visitation, need to have their faces plastered on the walls of the post office, too.

~ Anne ~

Nymh's picture

Personally, if you deny me the right to see my child, I feel like you don't deserve my money. Don't want me to be a part of their life? Fine...but cutting all ties means cutting the purse-strings too. It's all or nothing, you can't have your cake and eat it too. I'm sorry, but if you don't want to recognize the fact that I'm their parent and therefore deserve time with my child, then I don't think you deserve "child support" on a child that you have completely removed me from in all aspects other than a monthly paycheck...Denying visitation IS just as bad as non-payment because no matter how you look at it it's still breaking the law! I wish there were more ramifications for this.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Shea's picture

First of all, when it was your Christmas and she took of with SD, I would have called the cops. Parental Kidnapping. Then I would hire a lawyer( or call your lawyer) and tell him/her what happend with Christmas. If it was in the divorce papers, that you get every other Christmas, then she was in breech of contract. I did a little research when BM started her crap. Not only does the father have to follow the rules, but so does BM. I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm upset. I hate it BMs think they can do whatever they want, and get away with it.


OldTimer's picture

We had issues with Christmas too. My DH works during holidays due to his work, and at first he worked during third shift, which was evening. At first, Christmas was never a problem. Then, we changed shifts because SS started school, and we worked our schedules so that I could drop SS off at school in the mornings on my way to work, while DH was able to pick him up from school on his way home. Of course, that didn't go over good with BM... but oh well... so sorry. She started to do the same hostage thing too! Anytime there was a no school time, such as a Monday, where we were suppose to pick SS up at 8am instead of school, (We were doing the Monday to Monday thing... so we picked him up after school on Mondays every other week, etc.) she would decided to 'hold' SS with her until DH got home...which wasn't the court order agreement time. I often had plans to do things with him to establish and build a relationship with him such as going to a movie, or baking cookies, playing games, etc. I used those days to my advantage while DH was at work. SS LOVED it. BM DIDN'T.

When Christmas came around, she decided that she would 'hold' SS until DH got home from work... which was not until 2pm, not at the designated time by the court order, which was 8am. (Mind you, we had family visiting from out of state with us, Grandma and Grandpa. I think that also irratated her and fueled her fury.)

Oh, when my DH got home and there was no SS, oh man, he was pissed. He grabbed that phone, calmly told her but firmly/sternly- (it's like talking to a two year old at times!), SS and her better be at our 'spot' in half an hour or he was calling the police, and hung up the phone. It was not good. Everyone in the house caravaned to the parking lot... video cameras, and DH's mom in tow with him, because BM has a history of creating a scene and using it to her advantage. Because we had so many 'witnesses' she couldn't say or do anything that would be 'incriminating'. lol. But I tell you, she tried to put up a scene at first... then it was like.... Uh Oh. Deer caught in headlights. Yeah, now what? You're going to say what? Then say that he started it... I don't think so.

The next very business day, we quickly solved that by calling an attorney and forced her to comply because the judge himself told her... your in contempt of court and do you know what that means. Of course she was like, oh what? I am? What did I do? etc etc... so busted. It was like we finally got a little piece of justice.

The other thing that we have gotten accustomed to doing is sending all schedule plans via registered mail with copies sent to an attorney. That way, there is a record that information was sent to BM, and she can not dispell it. There is a record of her signing to receive it, or do the send receipt thing. Then you have proof that, yes, we sent it... here's a copy of it, and a copy of the envelope, and here's the postal receipt, plus her signature... she got it. That one was great! We cut out the phone and started to literally follow the schedules by paper.

Today, now we strickly go by the court order schedule. We often stretch the time for her, for SS's benefit IF we don't have plans that will conflict, but we seldom rarely get it reciprocated back and we know that. But when it's our time, we take full advantage and stick to the schedule regardless of what "events" are going on. We make sure that SS gets to where he needs to go, regardless if BM 'doesn't' want us there. You just have to be calm, but firm with it.

Like for example, every year, his school puts on a concert where all the classes come together and sing some songs, put on a show for the parents, but it's in the middle of the day. We've only been to one, which was in kindergarten and thought it was only the kindergartens who did that. We just found out two weeks ago that last year, SS had this concert, it gets put on every year, but we were never told about it. So, he just put two and two together and realized through our course of conversation that the reason we didn't go was because we didn't know about it, not because his mother told him that we were busy. He said to us... Oh I thought the reason you didn't come was because you guys had to work. That's what Mom said you were busy... how do you like that? So, this year, we plan to go, and I'm sure his mother will not be happy- but who cares? We'll still have a great time, because we're there for SS... not her.

Just because BM doesn't want you there, doesn't mean that you can't go, in my opinion. We sit on one side of the room, (well, actually, DH and I sit front and center, we don't care. We always get there early so we can get a good seat.) and BM usually sits off to the side or the back, somewhere secluded, but that's her. We go to everything and anything that we can for SS, regardless of how BM feels. It's not her place to tell us what we can and can not go to when it comes to his sports, school or activities. IF we signed him up for something, you bet we're going. IF we are involved with it, you bet we are going. IF it's with school, yes, we're going and we often call BM to make sure she knows about it too... but apparently, it's not always the same for us so we found out.

It IS for SD, not her. If I were you, I know that the plans have probably already been made, but if it were me, I'd get in my own car, tow all the kids with me and drive up there myself nice and early, plot my butt down next to my DH and SMILE THE ENTIRE TIME without saying an entire word. (And just ignore her the entire time.)

Caitlin's picture

Well, Step Mom, you read my mind because my fiance and I discussed it last night and I'm going to get in my car after work, tow my daughter with me and drive up there nice and early, plop my butt down next to my fiance and SMILE THE ENTIRE TIME without saying a word to BM and just ignore her entirely.

As for the Christmas arrangements, we have it in writing that she agreed to an overnight from 8pm on the 25th to 8pm on the 26th and if she takes that away because I [gasp!] came to her daughter's school to show my love and support and genuine interest in her life [oh the HORROR!] then we will call the police and everything will be on record for when we go to court. We will just have our "Christmas morning" together on the 30th during our regularly scheduled weekend if we can't do it on the 26th.

As for Christmas '04 when BM kidnapped SD, I strongly urged my fiance to call the police, as did my parents. He was so distraught, he couldn't do it. He was still at the point where he thought he was protecting his daughter from BM's wrath by not fighting her when she acted out. You know, it's either like dealing with a terrorist like we said above or just dealing with a TODDLER. If you give in to the tantrums, THEY CONTINUE THROWING THEM!

Things are different now. My fiance knows his rights as a father and is no longer brainwashed by that woman. She is a very powerful manipulator and he believed for a long time (during their marriage and after) that if he would just "do what she says" then everything would be ok. Well, we all know that THAT'S no way to live!

happy's picture

Go and enjoy it.. And Make sure you smile so big.. and just put your arm around him.. Putting your arm around him is good because you will show him your love and on the inside laugh at the ex.. See I can still be vengful. Only because there is no excuse for her behavior.. Period....
Smile and have an awesome time..
Cudos to you..

OldTimer's picture

GOOD FOR YOU! I am sooooo behind you. You should NEVER feel that you have to bow down to her royal highass... Oh, did I say that... ;0)

Caitlin's picture

My fiance emailed BM to let her know that I'd be coming so she wouldn't be blindsided at the concert. Her last voicemail to him had said that she would drive him to the train station after the concert, so he let her know that she misunderstood, that I would be there to take him home. Here is her response.

Dear M,

You’re wrong, M. I did not misunderstand. And there’s no reason that you did not clearly understand what we communicated to each other. I even told you I would drive you after the concert to the train. That’s certainly clear enough that I was inviting, and expecting, only you to attend the concert with me. I even asked you if you understood. And you said yes!

The deal we agreed on was that K’s parents -- her Mother and Father – would be attending the concert at K’s school as a family unit – her biological family unit.

K was so happy to hear this last night, because she – more than you – sees the need to have such biological family unity at certain times and in certain places. (And this will be so even if you re-marry). You and I and K – having a “Daddy & Mommy & Daughter” evening at the concert together, M, was to be an early Christmas present for K.

You don’t appreciate the need to separate your two family units at this time.

The parents of K’s classmates understand it; K’s teachers understand it; K’s school Guidance Counselor understands it; even some of K’s classmates understand it.

Why do you and Caitlin insist on embarrassing K – and yourselves – in the eyes of K’s teachers, her classmates, the parents of her classmates? I would think that Caitlin particularly would want the man who is fathering her children to be respected rather than being considered arrogant. I certainly want the man who fathered our daughter K to be respected rather than being considered arrogant.

So there was no misunderstanding, M. Clearly, I was to bring K to Borders to meet you. I was to drive the three of us (K and you and I) to the school for the concert, and then after the concert I would drive you to a train where you could be met, picked up, whatever.

Was it, perhaps, only after you got back last night after work that you began to misunderstand our deal?

A “deal’s a deal”, M. K understands what this means. Believe me! Do you?

Again, to be clear, our deal is for me to bring K to you, M, at Borders at 5:00 PM this evening, for you to have some “Daddy & Daughter” time alone with K, and then for the three of us to drive to the school and for you and me to attend the concert sitting together as K’s parents; then after the concert for K and me to drive you someplace.

So are you going to back out of our deal, M?


Do you see what we're up against?!

happy's picture

I cannot remember why the divorce happened but Um it did and now this little girl has a bigger family. she cannot sit and dictate to him what he is going to do. If she wanted the biological family then she would have done all in her power to make her family work out to have that. But it did not. If she does not want you there then too bad. It also sends a message to there daughter and false hope if she assumes that there will be events where they will all only be together. So sending her false hope is doing more damage then making her see the reality of life.. I think that your husband should stick to his word to you and if the ex does not like that then to bad. He is not going to look ignorant she is when she is expecting him to just drop his future wife to bow down to her demands. He has moved on and maybe it is time that she move on. When my kids have a concert me and my husband and his family and my ex (there dad) and his family all sit together and that is the way it is. When there are parent teacher conferences I go or my husband goes.. There step dad.. That is life. SO DO NOT LET HER RULE YOU ON THIS. ITS A PUBLIC SCHOOL AND YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE THERE..

Anne 8102's picture

Just wondering how she got that broomstick shoved so far up her ass. Hmmm.

~ Anne ~

P.S. Perhaps you should get her a Webster's dictionary for Christmas with the word DIVORCE highlighted. She apparently has no idea what it freaking means.

happy's picture

That was a good funny comment.. And I know Caitlyn will love it.. She has a great sense of humor too.
I have one.. Why don't you send her a vibrator for x-mas from a secret admirer.. LOL..

h6not3's picture

This BM has lost her mind. I can't beleive that letter. Oh my gosh! She is crazy........

I feel so bad for you.

OldTimer's picture

This is what I would have done...

Let DH go along with BM and her plans as if nothing else was going on, but you still drive in your seperate car, towing your other child, and just show up. If DH is able to save you a sit on the other side of him, make some excuse like... it's crowding me, I need alittle space, etc etc, whatever, you know. What's she going to do? Take SD by the hand and escort her out infront of all those people and humliater her further, let her. I mean, that's just ridiuclous. And everyone there will see her for who she is. Busted...

The first thing that I would never do is never ever under an circumstance let her know that you plan to attend any event, even if she asks. It's NONE OF HER BUSINESS. The point is that BF is attending. That's all she needs to know.

The other thing is that you, DH and YOU are a family unit. It's an extended family unit and frankly, no one else cares whether SD's BIO MOTHER and FATHER sit together or not, just BM- apparently. That is totally inappropriate.

So, to me, part of that could have simply been solved by just not informig her that you plan to attend. That's just asking for trouble because we all know that she's not wanting you there to begin with.

Caitlin's picture

Well, my fiance DOES put his foot down, which just jams that broomstick Anne mentioned farther up her ass.

Here is his response. He just blatantly ignores all her BS and sticks to the facts:


I did not agree to attending the concert with just you and K. I don’t think it’s right to foster a false image of ‘us’ being together; it’s not good for K and it denies the reality of our situation.

Caitlin and T [our daughter] and I will be at the concert and will celebrate K there. We will proudly celebrate K at as many public events as we can. We love her and she loves us. She accepts us; please do the same.

SD's therapist says that BM resents us (duh!) and is terrified that we will take custody away from her so that is why she acts out like this. Um, if you were afraid of being sued for custody, wouldn't you be on your BEST BEHAVIOR? She's making our case EASY!

SD's therapist also says that SD is extremely protective of her mother and will do anything she can to hide how attached she is to her dad, to me, to her baby sister, and to my extended family. SD is likely going along with what her mother is saying, even though it's not true. If she's "embarrassed" at all by me coming to her school, it's her mother's ridiculous reaction she's embarrassed of, but she would never say that to her of course, to protect poor dear Mommy from the truth.

Caitlin's picture

This is breaking my heart! I almost want to just stay home to spare her the drama! I know I'm in the right, but I don't want her concert ruined because her mother is throwing a hissy fit because I'm there!

happy's picture

You have every right to be there with your fiance and her baby sister. Her mom has not right to tell anyone what to do. I am a perfect stranger and could go to this concert. If you do not go you will let your sd down and your fiance.. Now what is more important them two or the bm?
That is your family and that is that. Her mom cannot except that then to bad it is time for her to go to the therapy sessions.. SD is probably fine.
The problem with the world today as I see it is there are to many problems.. Everyone has problems it is up to each individual on how they choose to deal with those problems. I personally have issues and am working on them. My heavens.

She is trying to show her daughter a "fairy tale" divorce is not a fairy tale. It is reality. And she needs to be in with the reality of all of it. Not what her mom thinks is right wrong or in between. She needs to quit being so hateful and except things for what they really are. You are a great person and it sounds to me like this little girl loves you very much. She has a little sister. So let me see does she think of your daughter with her ex as her daughters sister or is that not relation either.

This lady needs to look within herself and start working on her issues.. Cuz they are there...
I am so sorry to you Caitlyn..
Promise us you will go!!!!!!

Caitlin's picture

You're right, Happy. I have every right to be there. I just don't want SD to suffer. As nervous and physically ill as I feel at the thought of her mother's antics tonight, I know it much be 100 times worse for SD. After all, she has to LIVE with her. This is her MOTHER.

Yes, SD and I have a GREAT relationship despite all that her mother does to sabotage it. And SD loves her baby sister to death too, although it's taken nearly a year and a half to teach her that it's not her step-sister. So in answer to your question, NO, BM does not think of her ex's daughter with me as a relation to her own daughter, or else why would she be drilling it into SD's head that she's her STEP-sister?

Every time SD refers to her as her step-sister, we gently remind her that although they have different moms, they do have the same dad so they are sisters. We avoid the term half-sister, because it minimizes the person. My daughter is not a half a person!

Caitlin's picture

Thanks for the e-hug. I needed it! Thanks for sending good thoughts and support tonight. I am just sick with dread about it.

Caitlin's picture

My heart BLEEDS for this little girl! Here's the latest email from my fiance to me.

Just had a long tearful call from K. She begged me to “just do this tonight”. She said it was her Mom’s idea but that she supported it. I told her I couldn’t keep you & T away from events like this – I didn’t want to and it was wrong to give her, K, false hope by pretending that L & I are a family unit. She wailed “Why can’t I have hope?!” K said she loves you & T but she wishes you hadn’t come into her life.

K sobbed and begged. L was somewhere in the background. Finally K said “I can’t do this anymore, I have school work to do.” She hung up saying she didn’t know what was going to happen.

I don’t know what’s happening tonight. I don’t know if I’m meeting K at Borders. I don’t know if L is driving us there (I’m guessing not). I hate that woman for screwing with K’s head.

It's no wonder SD wishes we hadn't come in her life, because her mom makes her life a LIVING HELL just because we love each other! But of course, it's not BM's fault that SD is suffering over this. Oh no. It's all MY fault because I am such a terrible person, showing love and support for my fiance's daughter! It's all MY fault that BM filed for divorce and my fiance moved on and she changed her mind four years after they separated. ARGH!

happy's picture

You make sure you go tonight and hold your head high.. You are very important to that girl.. she is your daughter too.. And just so you know she will see her mom in years to come for who she really is.. SO its all good.. I love ya and have fun.. Try anyways.. I have a xanox do you want me to ship you one same day .. I tell ya the stress and stomach churning would be gone.. yep now I will just give you drugs.. I am only kidding though. I want everyone to know I am not a druggy ok.. I have them but only take them as needed.. LoL Laugh.. Its funny.. You have a great night and we are all thinking about you.. Let us know..

Caitlin's picture

You know, I'm 10 weeks pregnant and I should NOT be dealing with stress levels this high! Does Xanox cause birth defects? LOL, kidding! I'll just take a few deep breaths and a long drink of water and just hold my head up high.

lovin-life's picture

How can you guys make this woman see what SHE IS DOING to this child...instead of blaming it all on you guys?

Go.... don't allow this woman to be successful with this tantrum! Your SD will see who is causing the problems and unhappiness in her sounds like she sees it already.
The mother sounds like a master manipulater...with her tactics and wording and guilt and turning things around...etc.

Don't let her guilt you into giving in...she will only get bigger and stronger and demand more power to call the shots..with every 'win'...there will never be an end. Unless you take a stand and end it!!!

Good strong...make sure your SD knows you love her and want to be there for her. And that there is room for EVERYONE in her family, if her mother would allow it.

PS I wouldn't have given her the heads's a public place she can't stop you from being there....


sosmomof6's picture

you take care of yourself and that baby! No matter what happens, we are here!

Nymh's picture

*hugs* Good luck! Let us know how it goes Smile

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Nise's picture

I’m just coming in on the tail end of this thread! I’m praying that all was well at the concert and that everyone got to enjoy the concert and support K…THE MOST important thing not her mom’s PHYCOSIS! Where do these women get off?!

Make a GREAT Day!

Marilyn's picture

Oh my goodness that BM is delusional, and what makes it so bad is that she is really confusing her daughter and putting her through unnecessary stress! My gosh! I was so heated reading her email. Thank goodness your fiance stands up for his family! She's out of her mind even thinking that he has "two family units." Anyhow, praying that it all went well, and that you all stayed strong! God bless you and let us know how it went!

OldTimer's picture

Okay... you have to let me know what happens. I'm waaaaayyyyyyy on the other side of the us. lol. I feel like I missed out on the end here and posted to late, but I tried!

Caitlin's picture

Ok, so here's the scoop. My fiance called BM before leaving the office to confirm their original plan to meet at 5:00pm for the Daddy/Daughter dinner. She haughtily replied, "I'm carrying out MY end of the deal, M. When I make a deal I stick to it, unlike YOU." He just said, "Ok, see you there."

At 4:55pm, my fiance is about to get off the train and guess who calls? That's right, BM. She said "SD doesn't want to see you. She won't be meeting you at 5:00pm." Oh isn't THAT convenient?! He let it go, knowing how stressed out poor SD was, he didn't want her to have any more pressure on her.

We arrive at the concert with about 20 minutes to spare. (We tried to get there earlier but my office is quite far away and with all the holiday shoppers, I was in gridlock for over an hour and half with a hungry tired toddler crying in the backseat.) We were feeling dreadful, but we put on a happy face and plopped ourselves down and fed our daughter some dinner and SD ran - no sprinted - over to us as soon as she saw us. She looked wonderful, and we told her so, gushing over her pretty outfit and hair, wishing her luck, all that. She grabbed both our hands, looked her dad in the eye and said "sorry, Daddy!" We assured her that she had absolutely nothing to be sorry about, that she did nothing wrong. We said we're here to support you and love you. We told her to just enjoy her concert and not to worry!

A few of SD's friends saw her with us and squealed with delight, asking "Oh, is that your stepsister?! She's sooooo cute!" (I just let the stepsister thing go, if calling our daughter her stepsister can show her loyalty to her lunatic mother, then so be it.) SD looked so proud to show off her baby sister, and I recalled BM's words about us "embarrassing" SD by coming to her school. Hmm, she didn't look embarrassed then, nor after the concert when she ran us all over the place to introduce us to her band teacher, her chorus director, her friends, her friends' parents. This is her first year of middle school, so there are lots of new people and she was so excited to show us off.

Is this girl resilient or what?

It turns out that she couldn't come see her dad for their dinner because she had locked herself in the bathroom to soak in the tub and scream out her frustration into the bathwater. She just needed to get ahold of herself, which after the afternoon she had with her mother is so UNDERSTANDABLE. She said "I didn't want to not see you, Daddy! Please don't be mad!" He reassured her again that she did what she needed to do and she did nothing wrong, no worries. He said she looked very refreshed, it must have been the bath! And that was the end of that.

So, there is a God above, because we had no run-ins with BM through the whole concert - before, during or after. I think she stayed in the auditorium sulking afterward. I never saw SD with her and usually she hovers over her like a hovercraft. Toward the end I thought I'd avoid even laying eyes on her at all, but right as we were leaving, I caught her eye in the hallway. I just turned around and left. Phew, close one!

Thank you everyone for your encouragement! You gave me the strength to do the right thing. Even my fiance started to back down, saying "maybe we shouldn't go..." and I said "oh yes we are!" even though moments before I was feeling the same way, writing those very words on this blog. And seeing how WELL it went, I realized that yes, SD would have been terribly disappointed if we hadn't shown up. So, thank you! This site is invaluable.

happy's picture

Sometimes it just takes some encouraging words from others and then it all works out.. You both did the right thing..
I think the statistics are now more kids in broken homes then in whole homes.. And you know what its not horrible.. Life is to short to be miserable, so why not cut your losses and move on. Which it sounds like your fiane did just that.
You are awesome and showed your SD that you are both there to support her no matter what.. She is seeing her mom for who she is and you don't ever have to say a word she already knows.. And the way I read that is she is very proud of her family with you and him and her baby sister.. And she will be just as proud of her new baby..
So peace and love to you..

OldTimer's picture

AWESOME! Keep up the good work! Just take one 'event' at a time, and keep firm. Your SD will have this to remember. This is a huge moment for all of you, so keep up the work. It only reenforces to her that you love her.

Caitlin's picture

Well, miracles do occur... SD came to celebrate Christmas with us as originally planned. BM didn't punish us by withholding SD after all! Of course, she was incommunicado for 4 days and left us wondering and worrying, but we finally reached her and she confirmed the plans. We picked SD up at 8pm on Christmas night and had a WONDERFUL Christmas morning x2 the next morning.

BIG sigh of relief!