You are here

Why are Birth mothers are all sadistic and Game Playing B%$#@ and do Court orders mean nothing

butterfly's picture

Why is BM such a bitch. Why didnt dh stick up for me. i get on great with all of dh kids. Butr BM2 is a total bitch my darling h went from having his kids for 3-4 nights every break (he does a five and five rotation) to just when ever she felt like with out notice if they were comming or not. sometimes it would be 50-70 days between visits. Till i supported my dh into getting a court order so we knew when we were haveing them. then to it not being met by her to now the kids can only come between 10-4 on either a sat or sun when I'm at work thats how the last mediation went. I cried and cried when my dh came back and told me what happened. How rediculus. I believe she wants to make life difficult for us forever by ensuring that the kids never see me or get to develop a relationship with them. We have not seen them since the 9th of january was there last sleep over we got married on the 29th of jan and my dh has only seen them for one visit for 6hours since then. sd has had birthday in early march and her bike is still waiting to be ridden. They were not aloud to come to our wedding than she has with held access since.

It makes me sad because i love and except them and I look forward to seeing them. I don't want to be there mother they have a mother and a dad but I want them to know that they are welcome and that I love them. They were getting a balanced realistic view in the court order as we had them for two nights with some school and weekend visits. Now bm2 dosn't want me to have any thing to do with the kids. don't understand why. she should be happy that I love them and except them as an extended part of our family.

She was a total bitch to my DH oldest son when they were together she didnt want him to have a relationship with him. And when she tried to have a replacement child she would pack up and leave the house when ever ss came to visit.She would pick on him the whole time how he talked, ate, walked, blinked everything he was not aloud to be left alone with his brother or sister. How stupid!!!!!

it makes me feel like what is the point as the bm is doing everything in her power to make it look like they are not wanted and that I took thier dad away. I want them to feel welcome and have a place in our home so one day when My dh and i have a child they understand they are just as important to there dad and that they are important to me and to their new brother or sister.

I'm also angry that court oders seem to mean nothing I wanted the order inplace before we got married but apparently it can be not met by BM it has only been in place for five months and after the first three visits she stopped sending kids. it has taken three months for dh to go through the mediation process so he could talk with bm to discuss the order with her babbling and playing poor hard done by mother and pulling on the mediators heart strings about how court was so stressful and that the kids thought they were losing their mother. What Bull crap 2 nights out of ten was all he was asking as he has 5 and 5 rotation. she was represented he was representing him self. she got every christmas and Easter breaks and all birthdays access to go to her. him only aloud phone calls.

how can it be in best interests of the children to go from seeing a parent to not at all they have been having sleep overs since forever it was not a new thing for them. BM thinks that Dh if he wants to see his kids more regualy he can do parent teacher helper. How ridulas that is not quality time or visitation and it is good for parents to help accasionally but it shouldn't be a regular thing it isn't fair on his children on on other kids.

to top it off we as step parents get no say in western australia we are not even aloud to speak or attend mediation or to voice our concerns even when the decisions effect our lives.

I'm so mad and angry and completly over the emotional and financial strain. I just want to move far far away so that we can concentrate on our own lives and just take visits when ever they ar egranted rather than having to have such a large house trhat is empty all the time and having a husband who is sad and mopping around because he can't see his kids. Arrrggghhhhhhhhhh I hate birth mothers. I think i need counseling as i feel I have no control over my life any more.

Comments

smof5's picture

oh my word!!!!! I believe we have the same BM2!!!! you need to read my blogs!!! I would have thought that I WROTE this!!!! sounds exactly like the BM2 that I have to deal with, and I really can't give you any advice simply because I need advice too.. I mean its just unreal how much my BM2 sounds like your BM2. wowww

ch21's picture

seems like bm hascn't dealt with the separation very well or she is not over dealing with it. she is not only hurting dh she is hurting the kids. maybe yall should file a motion of contempt in court. in louisiana u do not have to have an attorney but i am not sure about where u are. my bd's bm pulled the same crap 3 weeks ago and didn't want us to see the children so we called out attorney and he told us that if she refuses to allow us to see the kids to contact him and he will take care of it. she could have gotten in trouble for interfering with a court order. it may not be easy if its only a week or so but 50-70 days the attorney should be able to file a motion or something.
i am sure if she has moved on the kids are around or will be around another man so what the heck is she acting so stupid for? and also if she does cause yall to go back to court she can be held responsible for the court cost and stuff i am pretty sure.
i am a birth mother i am still with the father; however, i feel that if we were to breakup i would have a hard time letting my child go around his new woman. i mean it has to be painful when u loose a man to another woman and then the woman wants to be part of the kids life. though u don't won't to be their mother she may still feel defensive i guess. i mean i try to understand how bm must feel sometimes but there is definetly a time to get over the crap already!!
so i guess my advice is if she can not be talked to and reasoned with which she probabally can't then maybe yall should go back to the attorney and get everything very specific in the co. instead of putting everyotherweekend in the court order i read that it is more enforcable to put the first and last weekend for example because eow can be any weekend so that way it is more enforceable.

butterfly's picture

Thank you for your advice. yes that is what I believe we should we do but it seems that every time the order is not met and we file it costs us.

I do try to understand her but she had moved on before BD and she lives with a partner he looks after the children attands all important events in their lives even goes to fathers day gaverings at the school!!! But that is all fine it is just me that the kids are not to be around. I would never dream of attending a mothers day thing at the kids school as I'm not their mum. I just want my Dh to have his days and to be a part of their lives as he should. It effects me more for him not to see them for long periods as it makes him so sad. then I worry about what our future will look like and how his kids will probably end up resenting their Dad & me because of the mothers lies, and breech of orders. she is just happy to take the money and seems to want the Bd to just disappear. she and him choose to become parents so dosn't that stand to reason that they choose to have to deal with each other. It just makes me so mad that even at the last mediation my lovely husband dosn't stand up for his rights and can't express him self when he becomes emotional, and then like this last time, he agrees because he has only seen them for 6 hours in exactly 78 days.

(p.s my spelling sucks when I typing quickly and get emotional sorry.)

smof5's picture

:? oh I'm telling you we have the exact same BM2, no lie!!!! She has moved on and is "happier than she has ever been" so she says...and tries to replace my DH's role in the skids life with her new husband, calling him daddy to them and everything. Moved them 3 hours away so its nearly impossible for DH to go to their school events as he has to work, she just wants the CS and thats it..and to complain about everything we do here as parents.. example, when we get the kids EOWE, on fridays, we let them stay up till at least 11 PM, because we have MISSED them...sooo when Monday rolls around we get a "monday morning email" as I started calling them, saying that DH is not responsible yadda yadda yadda because he let thm stay up late, or just anything she can find to bicker about. But yet she wants ME to have nothing at all to do in the kid's life nothing!! but thencalls her new husband daddy to them.. It bothers me a great deal because I know it bothers my DH.

alissia2011's picture

i know exactly how you feel. my husbands bm is withholding visitation and i have literally have to seek therapy to cope with the seperation anxiety and grieving process. it seemed like once we bonded and got attached she took him away. we went from five days a week to none... i dont know how we survive it we just do