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Disengaged SMs and SFs: Does your SO talk to you about their kids still?

bulletproof's picture

Last night my DH tried to talk to me about SS and how fabulous he was. I didn't respond much, just with "Okay" and then tried to move on. He says that he has "no one else to talk to about SS" so he wants to talk to me.

I don't want to hear it.

Does your SO talk to you about their kids, even though you're disengaged? How do you handle it?

I'm trying to prepare for this, as my DH comes home in two days and IDK how I want to handle it.


twopines's picture

Sometimes, but his kids are adults so it's not too bad. When the random comment comes, I just do a lot of "mmhmm,ok". I don't give a direct opinion unless he asks for one.

bulletproof's picture

That's what my plan is so listen and not really say much. It's just so HARD when he's such an ostrich! LOL That's what makes me want to tell him I don't want to hear it.

Like 3 years ago he used to tell me that BM told him she was going to stop working so much, be around SS more, etc. I finally told him I didn't want to hear it because it was all a load of crap and it pissed me off to hear it.

That's how this is also.

ybarra357's picture

Same here. Sometimes DH will say something one of his kids did, usually something stupid. I won't really comment.

Shaman29's picture

For me disengaging meant that I stepped away from raising skid or doing anything for her. I left it all on H's shoulders. I usually didn't mind it if he spoke about her, if he had concerns or wanted to talk about her. Her behavior was less than awesome but the biggest issue was H and the way he was dealing with her and setting our relationship on the back burner all of the time.

That being said, I did mind it when he would go on and on and on about her. Especially on our nights out or evenings alone which were supposed to be about he and I. Instead I'd end up listening to this diatribe on skid and Uberskank.

Though I made it clear I didn't want to spend this time discussing his child or his ex-wife, it continued and I was reduced to the "ummmmmmmms" "uh-huhs" and "isn't that interesting" responses. I would just tune him out and he didn't even noticed how bored and uninterested I was in what he was saying.

Shoofly's picture

My dh knows I could care less about those kids. He doess not even call them in front of me..SD29 has been in college for 6 years now, so yea ok, I doubt she is even in school anymore. They were born to lie like the bm skank.

Poodle's picture

I have 3 adult skids and DH has learned over the years not to mention the 2 difficult ones. That said, I have to keep tabs on the YSS22 as he is living local to us until January when he goes to another city to resume his studies. His last landlady has booted him out and he has found housing with friends, which comes to its end in September. I therefore need to know his movements so as to ensure that he does not end up living with us "temporarily" whilst seeking further lodgings. If that is likely to happen, I will be taking the responsibility to find him somewhere else, if only because no-one else in the situation has a motive to stop him moving in here. So I have to keep a practical interest in his movements sadly, but it's worth it for my ultimate peace of mind. I guess with skids who are not entirely separated it's always worth being able to listen or talk about them for tactical reasons, if only to better keep them at arm's length. But if they're adult and living separately and it's all going well, no, I'd not waste a thought on them even on listening to DH.

Helena.Handbasket's picture

SO used to talk about them a lot. I hardly hear anything now. It took a while, but he finally got the hint. He would bring up SD and I would say uh-huh or oh and then not say anything or change the subject. I do have to ask about SS15, but I think that SO doesn't hear from either of them very much lately so that is why.

SO was excited to talk college about SD18 about 2 months ago, but since nothing has come of her getting an application in he gets pissy when I bring it up. LOL