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Xmas defense of a sh*tty BM

bt-sped-gf's picture

So, FDH pays $950 a month in CS. BM is living with a friend and says she is working (PAY YOUR DAMN BILLS). SD 11 says to FDH last night :Mommy won't be getting us very many presents this year because she doesn't have any money"

We have this constant inner battle with ourselves because she is worthless. Kids don't get to school, they aren't clean, they don't know where their coats are because she didn't pack them, etc...

So, being the better person, FDH tells SD11 that "Mom is doing the best she can and she will figure something out" What else are we supposed to tell them. We try to let them know that she is NOT doing a good job at being a parent and most of the time they agree. But still...it's pathetic.

The only person buying presents in that house is FDH!

To top it all off, BM grabbed the phone from SD11 right after that and said to FDH "You need to shut the F up because they should be in bed you a-hole" and hung up.

Sigh....

Comments

Newstep's picture

LOL that cracked me up!!! OP your BM sounds like ours she is the best mommy only in her twisted little mind. Today she is taking SD shopping :jawdrop: I was completely dumfounded!! Until I found out the truth she is driving SD to shop because SD has $$ from her grandpa (BM's dad) oh and she has to give her BM gas money!!!! Another contender for Mother of the Year }:)

bi's picture

my mom pulled that crap with me when i was a kid, too. if i expected to get to cheerleading practice or home games (or home from away games once we got back to our school) i had to either arrange a ride with a friend's parents or come up with gas money. i really lucked out in the parental jackpot. (eye roll)

bt-sped-gf's picture

@CheriWilson
The deal with the telling them that their mom isn't doing her "job is because the kids were having to stay after school. The policy says that after every 5 tardies, they have detention. So the kids have had detention 5 times this year already. Also, SDs 5 and 8 have to switch school because of the tardies and lack of attendance. The county sent investigators to the schools to talk to the Skids (which she of course, blamed on us) and if something goes wrong with her life, she tells them it is THEIR fault.

In fact, BM made SDs 5 and 8 stay home from their Xmas program because she thought I was going to be there.

These kids need to know that it is NOT their fault and we let them know it is her fault. Simply saying, "You understand that your mom getting evicted is not because of you, right?"

bt-sped-gf's picture

I don't think they do either. However, BM makes it well known to them what it is...I don't think they should know that their mom has weird men calling her at all hours of the day and night, or that she has no money because FDH won't give her any, or that police are bad because they take children away.

You have no idea what you are talking about.

Our response is to BM over sharing. She even reads texts from FDH to the kids.

oldone's picture

Two lies don't make a right either. I don't believe they need to lie to the children just so they won't contradict the lying BM.

bt-sped-gf's picture

I was angry and probably should have watched my words better. I'm not looking to make these kids my own, but they don't deserve to be treated like shit. And thats exactly what she does. We don't call her names and 90% of the time we don't say anything bad about her. But every now and then it slips out.

The deal is, the kids call FDH crying because they are being evicted and their mom says things to them about it being THEIR fault. And they ask us? What are we supposed to do? say nothing? And saying she is making poor choices is bad? People make bad decisions all the time.

We don't say she is a bad person, but she is not doing her job.

This situation breaks my heart on a daily basis.

You all get on here and judge me? I haven't judged ANYONE on this site because I don't know the whole story. I never wanted to be a step-parent, I don't want to raise someone else's kids. I fell in love and will be marrying someone who's ex-wife has decided that Meth is more important than her children.

You don't know my story, so don't judge

Shaman29's picture

Sue2 - I agree with you this time too.

I recently reamed my DH's ass for badmouthing Uberskank to his kid. When he walked away I ask his kid if she was okay, and her response to me was "I wanted to yell at him so bad! I know what my mom is like! I just don't want or need to hear it from HIM!"

And I completely agree with his kid. DH tried to pull the "well Uberskank talks crap about me to my kid!" game as well. Here's the thing, it doesn't matter what Uberskank says or does because he has no control over her actions.

He does have control over what he says and does and that matters the most to his kid.

As much as we'd all like to tell off the BM's in our lives, resist the urge. No good will come of it. Ever.

Frustr8d1's picture

This will go against most everyone else's opinion on here, but I think the kids should know the truth and not live in fantasy world that BM is a great role model. If BM gets evicted, the kids should know that it's a consequence of BM doing drugs and not being responsible and that is not the example they should want to follow.

I just saw my sister paint her EX in a nice light for the kids when he brutally abandoned them and disappeared to this day. Her kids ended up hating her for not giving them all the toys & vacations they want when the real reason is their dad took every penny & abandoned them.