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OT- I'm Struggling. I need to vent about my Best Friend.

BSgoinon's picture

I love her, I really do. And I am very well aware that she is not everyone's (most people's) cup of tea. She is a difficult personality. Very loud, and always needs attention. But.. she is also the one person that I can count on, (other than DH) and she usually doesn't annoy me... except. She's SO pretentious. And even has the voice to go with it. Think Thurston Howell III from Gillagan's Island. "Oh Lovey Darrrlllinnggg".. but speaks normal when she's not being super pretentious.

She's just too much lately. I've been asked A LOT over the years "how do you deal with her? She is ALWAYS in competition with you?"...well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice it, because I do. I guess most of the time I just don't care because I am NOT in competition with her.

And the things she is in competition about are so silly. Examples: my husband was her husbands boss. Her husband wanted a promotion (at her prodding) to be HIS boss. The owner told him no (NO WAY actually), and he walked out. I was PISSED because it was busy season for them, DH was already traveling more than normal, during the holidays and now he had to cover this idiots trips that were already scheduled. We didn't speak to them for a year. That caused a huge strain on the friendship, which was difficult because our sons are best friends. Our husbands were best friends.. and we were best friends.

We got over that, but now she is always going on and on about her husbands new job and how important he is...but they never go in to detail about what he does. I literally have no idea what company he works for. Then... she always wants to compare our sons. My son (not to brag, but so you get an idea.. I'm going to) is a BEAST in baseball. He is good, and he is sought after. Her son, is ok. He's not horrible... but he's ok. He was a "bench player" on Little League All Star teams (but was good enough to make the team so he's decent), he played on the "B" team for travel ball. He's decent but he's not great. But... if we are in mixed company all you will hear about is how the high school coach already told him that he is their catcher and try outs aren't even over yet, (our sons are both freshmen at the same school). Which is GREAT for him, and I am super happy because he LOVES the game. What she fails to mention is that her son will be the catcher on the Freshman team, my son will be short stop on JV... and her son, is the only Freshman that tried out for catcher so... yeah. But I won't say anything, ever. So people just hear her rave about her son blah blah blah, and I stay quiet. I figure his performance on the field speaks for itself. I don't need to rave. (except to him, I do tell him he's amazing, because he is).

2 years ago my DH bought me a new wedding ring for our 10 year. He took me to pick it out. I decided on a 1 ct Princess cut solitaire with very small diamonds as the band. I have long skinny fingers and I liked how dainty it is. Literally 2 weeks later she had a new ring, smaller, but VERY similar. A few months later (January), we bought a house, with a pool, April, they bought a house... with a pool. The next year, DH and I bought a new truck, A WEEK LATER they bought ALMOST the same truck, a little smaller, ours is a 2500 Mega Cab, theirs a 1500 crew cab. SAME COLOR. I've kept my mouth shut. With as weird as all of it is, I haven't said a word. Other people have said stuff to her, she blows it off.

This week... DH brings me home 2 stack-able diamond rings to go with my solitaire. I LOVE them. They are small, and I can wear them when I want to, and not when I don't. They are perfect and I never even knew I wanted them. Friend sees them and says... "oh... I have sooo many stack-ables to go with my ring, I just never wear them". NO, she doesn't. This girl literally doesn't even purchase a new pair of panties without telling me. There is NO way she purchased SO many stack-ables and never mentioned it or wore them. I didn't say a word. The next day she says "I think I am just going to get a right hand ring".. I said "why?". "Oh, you know... a girl just needs pretty things". Ugh.

Yesterday she says "So I bought a few knuckle rings to go above my ring". Why??? Why does she have to do this? I don't get it. I love her DEARLY but SERIOUSLY, STOP IT!!!

I know I am PMSing, but for real... she's too much, right?

Comments

advice.only2's picture

It almost reads like she is insecure and wants to copy you because she thinks you have excellent taste.

ESMOD's picture

Yep. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Often you will find the more brash and bragging the person is it's because they are insecure and feel they have to constantly prove that they belong. Underneath they feel that everyone is naturally better than them.. but they end up trying too hard and it is off-putting to a lot of people... as you know from personal experience.

Don't worry, I'm fairly certain people see through most of her bragging. And.. it doesn't take anything away from your own accomplishments or those of your family if you don't choose to talk about them 24/7. You just are a more private and secure person... it's nice that you can generally indulge her behavior..though I might have had a difficult time after they put your DH in a bind over their pettiness.

BSgoinon's picture

It's weird because she dresses really cute, and her hair is always cute... she has cute shoes. But when it comes to her house, she has no style. Her pictures are all hung way too high on her walls. She never repainted from the previous owner so her living room is still the same color they had it, which... of course is the same color we painted our great room (remember we bought our house first and painted before we moved in) and her foyer is the color of baby poop. I've told her that. But she has no real "style" going on. It's so odd. I never understood how her sense of style with clothes doesn't carry over. Bizarre. And her cars and house are always filthy. FILTHY. She did finally hire a housekeeper. You know... because I have one. (insert eye-roll). Maybe she can ask the maid to clean out her car while they are at it.

Acratopotes's picture

do not let this take head space BS..... she's competing like hell, see it as a compliment..

change the subject if she goes into brag mode, talk about things you would like to do.... e.g plant a rose garden, wait till she's done with her and then simply plant lilies instead... cause that's what you really wanted.....if she gets angry about it laugh and say, but Hon, I changed my mind why are you upset about it....

Tell her you are going to paint your house and you are looking into yellows...... this is not true, you are looking into whites, again you changed your mind, and well you decided not to go with yellow cause her house looks so pretty you did not want to take the focus from that.

Ispofacto's picture

I had a "friend" like this in HS. She'd constantly looked over my shoulder when an exam paper got handed back to see the grade I got, and would gloat if she scored better, pout if I scored better. The constant drama really wore me down. Then she tried to get my boyfriend in bed, just to one up me. I was gobsmacked, she knew how I felt about him. I had no idea she was even thinking about it. He really loved me, and turned her down, but he felt bad for causing a rift in hers and my relationship. It soured our relationship and nothing was ever the same after that. First love, innocence lost. I really loved him and never totally got over him. His wealthy dad found out a girl showed up at his house and shipped him off to boarding school in europe. Dunno what happened to him after that.

For a long time after that betrayal, I had problems becoming friends with women. The catty, jealous bullsh!t is stupid. In recent years, I have been letting women in again, dunno if I changed or they did or both, but I have found quite a few who are secure. And I have also realized there are just as many catty, jealous men in the world too. I don't see the fun in being friends with anyone like that.

Cara1128's picture

I used to have a friend like this in college.
Later I found out that she had shown her boobs to every single male that was around me
I asked her about it once when my date told me she had accosted him and showed him her boobs
She answered: well he wasn't interested! Congratulations he likes you more!(well....DUH!)

I think it is a form of siblimg rivalry...an almost flattering thing.almost!

BSgoinon's picture

I know you ladies are right. And normally I can just ignore it. It just was too much for me to handle coupled with my SUPER BAD PMS this month LOL. I am sure I will move on and ignore her crap again in no time. I just needed to get it off my chest. It's difficult for me to vent to anyone I know in RL because they already don't like her and I don't want to add fuel to their fire so I keep it to myself.

Thanks for listening. And seriously, if imitation is the best form of flattery, then I am the most flattered person I know when it comes to her. Blum 3

notsobad's picture

It sounds like most days you don’t care and it doesn’t matter. You can be her friend and ignore the rivalry.

For whatever reason, PMS, hormones, just plain irritability you can’t handle it today.

No worries, vent away!

Just pay attention and if the times you are annoyed with her start to out weigh the time you’re ok with her, then it might be time to cut the friendship back.

I had a friend who was loud and attention seeking. She wasn’t in competition with me but always had to prove that she was smarter than me.
We’d play those trivia games at the pub and she’d very loudly expound on the question. Letting everyone around us know that she knew everything about the subject. Think Sheldon telling everyone about the origin of toasting drinks.
Lots of eye rolls and snickers from other patrons, that we ignored.
I was fine with it until I started beating her.
She’d get pouty and upset and ruin the outing. It angered me that she’d couldnt treat me with the same courtesy I’d shown her.
Our friendship waned until we decided to stop with the trivia.
Now we’re ok again. She thinks she’s smarter and I don’t prove her wrong.

BSgoinon's picture

NotSoBad... you are right. I am sure it is PMS getting the best of me this time.

Your story about your friend reminded me of a situation that came up years ago with my friend. She LOVES to tell people she is an engineer. She's not. She worked in the engineering department of a company that makes drum heads for about 8 years, but she was admin support. Not an engineer. My DH LOVES to call her out on that one. He will ask her "wait, what's your degree in??? Sociology? That's right, not engineering. Ok, go on". Anyway, we were at a softball game and her flip flop broke. It was a plastic "Guess" Brand flip flop and the part that goes between her toes came out. So she was walking around with a broken shoe. So I told her "why don't you has the snack bar for a lighter and melt it back together for now"... OHhhhh great idea.

So she did. Then MY DH comes out of the dug out and asked her how she fixed her shoe, she said "Oh, I melted it back together"... DH says "SMART!!".. she says "Yup, engineers mind, hard at work"... WHAT???? Ummm... no.

So I had to say "I'm AN ENGINEER??? I didn't know that!! Guess what babe, I'm an ENGINEER because I came up with melting her shoe back together!!! I'm so amazing!". She got real quiet. LOL.

notsobad's picture

When BM and DH were together they built spec houses and to hear her talk she did everything! DH said it was embarrassing because she didn’t know anything about building a house (she could decorate very well) but he did all the planning and contracting.

When they split up she had 6-8 jobs with different builders and renovators. She’d alway get let go in the first 3 to 6 months because she couldn’t live up to the things she said she could do, things she said she’d already done.

She doesn’t have many girlfriends and no BFF, although SD fills that spot sometimes.

I think it’s because she thinks she’s better than everyone else and they can see it.
She doesn’t have BSgoinon in her life who overlooks that and is content to just let her and still be her friend.