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BM's MOM

BSgoinon's picture

Oh boy, the apple just doesn't fall far from the tree. In this case the apple hit every rotten nasty branch on the way down. But I seriously had no idea that BM learned her manipulative bullshit from her mother.

About a week ago, BM's mom started texting DH asking if she can see SS. We have no problem with this. Obviously, we arrange for SS to see her dad regularly. So why wouldn't we do that same for her mom? Well... the difference between her dad and her mom is; her dad has a f*cking BRAIN and USES IT.

Dad: Has been to EVERY SINGLE BASKETBALL AND BASEBALL GAME not only since BM has been "out of the picture" but prior to that too. He has always been involved in SS's life, despite living an hour away, they know his schedule. School, practices (multiple teams) and even our custody schedule (what is SUPPOSED to be in place). And they only ask to take him on days that are typically BM's because they don't want to disrupt the rest of our lives because BM is a giant piece of crap and can't seem to get her shit together long enough to be even a part time mom. They RESPECT the fact that BM has caused this situation and they are grateful that not only DH is a good dad, but also that I have stepped up and made some personal sacrifices to take SS on full time. I have NO ALONE TIME anymore. I used to have 3 days a week to myself. I mean ALL to myself a lot of the times since DH travels. I have NONE anymore. NONE. DH travels and I am home with SS, while BM is out... doing whatever the hell she does. Her dad and stepmom have actually THANKED us.

BM's MOM on the other hand... Has not been a part of his life for MANY years. At least 4 years that I can recall. She hasn't been to a baseball game in as many years she has never been to a basketball game, and he played literally walking distance from her apartment. She has seen him maybe twice in the past year. There is just no excuse. She drives, she has a car. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her. She talks to BM. There is no excuse. She is just a lazy grandma.

Anyway, she wanted to take SS to breakfast tomorrow. We discussed it with him and he wants to see her so we agreed for her to pick him up at 9 and bring him home by noon. Then she starts pushing "making a regular schedule" for her to see him. Well, that's fine, sort of. As long as he doesn't have anything else planned. Making a regular schedule is only feasible if she is willing to spend some of that time taking him where he needs to be. She (just like BM) "never has gas money". And... if we already have plans, our plans WILL ALWAYS Trump a visit with her. ALWAYS. Sorry, that's what you get for being nonexistent in his life for so long. She agrees to breakfast plans for tomorrow and then wants to know if she can have him all day on the 16th, "sorry he isn't going to be around the 16th" how about the 17th? "He is gone the entire weekend. We have to be out of town, and made plans for him to stay elsewhere while we are gone". What about the 23rd? DH said "that is typically OUR weekend. That is when we spend time together as a family, please understand and respect that". She replies "Please have GRACE on me, I just want to see my grandson".
DH finally stepped up and texted this:

"Listen, we are all for helping SS maintain his relationships while his mother is out NOT being a mom. But you are going to have to be patient and work with OUR schedule. His other family (your ex-husband) only requests to spend time with him on days that would typically be BM's day and they understand that SS has a busy schedule. So in order to spend time with him and accommodate US they help in getting him to his practices and games. Some of which are OUT OF TOWN. You have to respect the fact that YOUR DAUGHTER put us in the ridiculous situation where we now have to coordinate with HER family to make sure SS see's them. I will not disrupt my wife, our other children and SS's life to accommodate the fact that you have decided you want to see him for the first time in MONTHS. So, don't be pushy, we will work with you as much as we can, but you HAVE to respect OUR schedule. We will not be manipulated and I will not keep SS from spending time with us and his sisters to accommodate your wants. He has been through enough, we are keeping things as normal as possible for him. As always, you are welcome to attend his baseball games to see him, no matter who's day it is, the schedule is posted online".

She didn't respond.

She is somethin' else.

Comments

WalkOnBy's picture

Is she in communication with BM? If so, she's angling so that BM can see SS without having to go through DH.

BSgoinon's picture

Trust me, we are thinking the same thing. SS will tell us if his mom is there tomorrow when they go to breakfast, and we will move forward from there. We won't put up with shady BS. BM is picking SS up today at noon. So, it's not like we are keeping him from her. BM did ask DH yesterday "When is SS going to my moms". So we do know that her mom at least told her that she is seeing him. Which is funny because in one of her texts to DH, her mom said "can we please keep BM out of this I have had to distance myself from her". BULLSHIT. We aren't stupid.

We also will be taking a picture of her car and license plate when she picks SS up for breakfast. Not taking any chances.

Newstep's picture

OMG how can you even deal with this!!! I swear I would be a basket case. After all the BS she dishes out to you on the regular she just texts and asks "when is he going to my mom's" :? :? :? :?

Why doesn't she ask her mom herself? This woman is CRAZY :O :O :O :O

BSgoinon's picture

I'm not sure why she doesn't just ask her mom. I think that was more of a "I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN TALKING TO MY MOM" than it was an actual question.

WalkOnBy's picture

Can you get someone to tail them? It is SO obvious that BM and GBM are in bed together on this.

BSgoinon's picture

WOB, I swear sometimes you live in my head. DH and I just HAPPEN to have plans to go to breakfast tomorrow too Wink and we have GPS on SS's phone. We will be able to see if he goes to BM's house.

hereiam's picture

Uh, huh. So, just out of the blue, she wants to see him? And on a regular schedule, no doubt. Sure.

BSgoinon's picture

Sort of out of the blue. She text me a few months ago asking basically the same thing. When I told her I wanted to talk to her first before we make any arrangements, she agree and then day of, she canceled saying she didn't have gas to get there (it was a mile from her house).

robin333's picture

I would say she hasn't responded out of embarrassment but I doubt she's capable of that feeling. What a lousy GM.

Totalybogus's picture

Before I ever answer anything, I always go through it in my head. My question would be, if I am saying no, she can't see him for the weekend I will be out of town because I made plans for him to "stay with someone else," I would have to ask myself why it wouldn't be better for him to be with a grandparent than with an outsider/babysitter.

I also, think your husband jumped the gun by telling her he wasn't going to be manipulated by her. I didn't see any manipulation in what you posted.

BSgoinon's picture

He is staying with his grandparent... just not HER. He is staying with BM's dad and stepmom. Wink

I didn't detail ALL of the texts she sent. She was begging saying that her "sick father" wanted to see him for breakfast this weekend. When he said yes, she then said "my dad can't make it". DH has known this woman for 20+ years. She is manipulative. There is no two ways about it.

BSgoinon's picture

Also, SS doesn't even like spending an hour at her house. There is no way he would want to spend an entire weekend with her. She is A LOT like BM, and the trust is VERY SLIM there. DH would never leave SS in her care for longer than a few hours. The last time he saw her, BM took him to her apt after school during one of her visits. They were there for about 20 minutes before BM text me and said SS doesn't want to be here, can I bring him to your work.

We made the right decision.

BSgoinon's picture

Bwahahah I go to lunch and come back to this. Best thing ever to see when I sit down at my desk!

Tuff Noogies's picture

well BS u gotta find something to laugh about amidst all the crazy!!!!
Dirol

Tuff Noogies's picture

well LF i've always heard white with white, red with red - so i guess it depends on how aggressive you are????

Wink }:)

ESMOD's picture

I don't really much go for the "rules" of stuff.. but eat and drink stuff together that makes "me" happy..lol.

When I go out for business dinners, and if we have a cocktail beforehand I usually get a gin and tonic (not a big liquor drinker generally) it seems like a fairly adult beverage I guess.. some places ask me what "kind" of gin I want.. I usually just answer the "wet" kind...lol.. seriously, i don't really care.. just ordering something that isn't too difficult to drink like a margarita with salt served in a tall glass..that I am liable to spill.

Maxwell09's picture

My God, right after your DH puts BM in her place with all these extra request NOW her mom is coming out of the wood work. I think they are in it together for sure, no doubt BM went whining to her mother about how she never gets to see her son because your DH won't let her and SS is so busy on her days so Grandmother bear thinks she can swoop in and get some of y'alls time with him. Ugh if she was so worried about her grandson then why doesn't she house his mother long enough for her to stabilize and get her visitation back...but I guess its not THAT important after all. I don't know how you have the patience to deal with BM's relatives and foster SS's relationship with them when they act like her mother is acting. The dad and stepmom I can understand because they generally seem to be putting SS first and being there for him. My DH keeps a cordial relationship with BM's family and it drives me nuts because the sketchy members like to drop by the house when DH isn't home. BM's mother is really nice to DH but she's never spoken to me so I have no opinion on her. How about you send your kid's BM over to my skid's BM and they can ride off into the sunset together Wink

BSgoinon's picture

That would be ideal!!!!

BM's mom is ALMOST as pathetic as she is, and so is BM's brother. Who lived with BM for several years RENT FREE. Now he lives with BM's mom, in her 1 bedroom apartment. No room for BM. They are all trash.