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BM actually followed through with her "we need to talk" last night...

BSgoinon's picture

But the words that came out of her mouth were NOT what I expected. At all.

So, SS comes home and BM is standing at the door behind him when he comes in. I tell her to come in but notice her car is still running, so I figured she would have some excuse as to why she can't talk now. But normally, she would send SS in and text me or call me with her excuse (which I gladly except because I don't need or want to listen to her bullshit). So it was a little confusing. She says she left her car running to charge her phone, but she wanted to tell me a few things real quick. I told SS to go get in the shower.

She goes on to tell me that she is moving out of her house this weekend (she has said this at LEAST 2 dozen times in the past 4 months) and that she has no idea where she is going. She will just "crash on couches until something turns up". She goes on to say that her "room mates" never moved out and there is a ton of tension in the house. (who cares) She says she talked to SS to get a feel for what he wanted as far as seeing her and staying with her at all. Apparently SS told her that he likes the way things are right now and he doesn't want to stay with her. She says he told her that he is relieved that he doesn't have to stay there anymore and she doesn't need to worry about him. She said that there is just no way she can take care of him right now, she doesn't even have a refrigerator at her house and she is going to sell the washer and dryer that my MIL bought her for the cash because she needs it. She has no idea where she is going to store all of her stuff.
I told her that SS is very happy with how things are right now. This is the best I have seen him in a very very long time. As we were wrapping up the conversation, I could hear SS coming out of the bathroom. He didn't realize that BM stayed, so he didn't know she was there when he opened the door, which is down the hall not in view of where we were standing... SS starts singing as loud as he can, a song he made up over the past few weeks which consists of a very juvenile version of my nickname something along the lines of "MeeMee I love you, I love you MeeMee". He is 12 years old, but there are times I swear the kid acts like he is 3. But... he is just joking around when he does it. He sings that song because he knows it makes me laugh. He went in to his room and shut the door. BM kinda gave me a side eye look and I explained what the name was that he was singing "that's what he has been calling me lately". BM's eyes filled up with tears and she said she had to go.

I don't know what BM's version of "rock bottom" is. It is clearly not the same as my idea of rock bottom. She talked about staying with Meth Man but not on a regular or permanent basis. I wanted to ask her if they were still together since FB says otherwise, but I don't want her to know I can see it. So I just let it go. She told SS she would see him this weekend. I would be wiling to put money on her not even calling.

Comments

BSgoinon's picture

I'm certain he misses her. But not the way she is now. He misses the mom he used to have when he was a little guy and she was actually involved in his life. She has been drifting further and further away for several years.

justanothergurlNJ's picture

I follow your blogs ans TBH he is really just better off hit you and DH. She's useless as a human being and even worse as a mother! You are an angel for taking in that boy and giving him a good life! I don't know if I could do the same for my SKIDS.

BSgoinon's picture

She looked awful. Really awful. And she had on leggings, but she is sooooo skinny that they were baggy on her. I don't know what it is going to take for her to hit bottom. Hopefully it doesn't end up killing her in the process.

BSgoinon's picture

Well, BM does get government assistance, but I refuse to pay her child support. She can suck an egg.

BSgoinon's picture

She asked for it a few months back. DH literally LAUGHED at her. Told her if she wanted to revise the support (which is currently NONE) she would have to take him to court. She would get... A LOT of money every month if the court ordered CS at that point. She still had SS 50% of the time. She had no income and DH... well, DH makes really good money. She *thinks* he makes 60K a year. LOL. Keep thinking that sweetie. Wink

BSgoinon's picture

That's exactly why she hasn't done that. She could just go to the child support offices, but she knows we won't give her a dime to contribute to her problem.

WalkOnBy's picture

go to court TODAY and file for a temporary change in custody OR draft something up and have her sign it.

Make it legal - you know from my own story that as long as BM has legal custody, she can and will, stick her stupid drug filled nose in his life.

As it stands, without something recognizing that she is no longer involved in the decision making process, she can demand some time with him.

I know, I know, she won't, but she could and I cannot stress enough how important is to get this handled the right way.

BSgoinon's picture

I wish I could. DH is out of state until Friday.

The ONE good thing here is.... our current CO states that if either party is without a declared residence, they forfeit their parenting time until residence is established. When she moves out, and has no where to go this weekend, she no longer has legal custody. I don't think she remembers that is in there. But we had it put in when she wanted to move in with a boyfriend (that she had been dating for a few weeks) in a city 3 hours away when SS was 2 years old. She now has to give us 45 days notice prior to moving more than 30 miles away from her original address, and 30 days notice within 30 miles. Smile

WalkOnBy's picture

that's good, because it restricts her parenting time. BUT it doesn't restrict her legal rights...if the CO says she forfeits parenting time, then that's the only thing that would be forfeited.

Forfeiting parenting time is not the same thing as terminating her joint legal and/or physical custody.

When your husband gets home, contact a lawyer and get this thing sewn up as tightly as you can Smile

BSgoinon's picture

Maybe you can call and talk him in to it. I've tried... Sad

BM hasn't made a parental decision for SS in more than 5 years, and that is WAY low balling it. She has never taken him for a hair cut, she has never ever registered him for school. One time SS wanted to bleach his hair when he was at her house. He text me and ask me "can my mom bleach my hair?'. I told him to ask his dad, DH said NO, we will take you to have it done when you get home. So she didn't do it. My concern isn't with any of that. My concern is with her taking him to an unsafe place. If she has no legal parenting time, she can't just go get him whenever she wants. All of that time is legally DH's.

WalkOnBy's picture

I know, I know, but she's slipping into the underworld and desperate people do desperate things.

I am 99% positive that getting this all locked up legally is not necessary - BUT, if it were my kid, I wouldn't want to risk the 1%.

She could show up at school and pick him up - if she wants to see him, she isn't going to give a shit what the CO says. At times like that, COs are as useless as a PPO.

Parental kidnapping happens all. the. time.

BSgoinon's picture

I know. I have tried to explain that to DH.

Last year, when SS was in elementary school, the front office staff knew to call DH before releasing SS to BM. It only happened once, and it was a planned situation. She actually took him to the Dr. The staff there knew her history. Not because I had told her, but because they have witnessed her downward spiral over the years, just her appearance alone is a dead give away. The secretary had gotten to know me really well, my 2 daughters attended there as well, at the same time. She called me one day and said BM was in the office that day giving her a hard time about something she had no idea the answer to. But I did, so she called me to find out the answer, so she could give the answer to BM and shut her up... she asked "would it be smart for us to verify any activity regarding SS with your husband?". YES PLEASE. It would be nice to establish that with the Jr High. They currently have no idea who she is.

Indigo's picture

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WTF...REALLY's picture

Denture Debbie (BM) went down a similar road as well. Her rock-bottom was when she finally crashed and smashed her face in and lost the majority of her teeth. It took her three years to hit rock bottom. But she was a drinker, not a meth user. Meth is a lot harder to quit.

It's interesting to see the varieties of Rockbottom's people need to have to make positive change in their life.

BM hearing her son sing that song to you, that is really going to mess with her head. Might even push her to overdose. You just never know. But I'm very happy that your stepson love you so much. It's a beautiful thing.

BSgoinon's picture

I think he does. After BM left he came and plopped down on the couch next to me and watched my favorite show with me. He's a good kid.